Takes

Tiger Woods in contention on a Sunday at the US Open is what America needs right now

What America needs right now more than anything is something like we need a miracle... What we need is Tiger Woods to be in contention on Sunday at the US Open because like you remember at the Masters, everybody get behind tiger on Sunday.

History will vindicate the claim that Bryson DeChambeau is roid raging

I think that history is going to vindicate our Bryson [DeChambeau] takes sooner rather than later. This is a classic roid rage type. If I'm on a witch hunt, he's roid raging out there. Guy stinks. Big time.

Brooks Koepka will have a great Thursday and Friday at the Memorial Tournament

I think, not to put pressure on Brooks, but I expect it. A very good, very good Thursday and Friday from him. He rises up against those guys.

Brooks Koepka should keep his mustache forever

[Brooks Koepka] looks so good though, that mustache. I hope he doesn't shave it because he is one of those guys that if he committed to the mustache life, he could be a mustache guy forever.

Brooks Koepka is going to win eight majors next year

Well, he's going to get five, six, seven, eight next year. He's going to get eight majors next year. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Tiger Woods intentionally missed the cut at the Open so people would forget how poorly he played

Credit to Tiger being smart enough to just not make the cut so everyone forgets he didn't make the cut and we don't talk about him on Sunday. Like, hey, Tiger really sucked.

Brooks Koepka will win the British Open

Brooks Koepka is back and he's going to win the British Open. He's killing it. He's three under. He's not in the lead. Two strokes back. But his caddy is basically cheating because he's from Portrush.

Brooks Koepka's primary focus for 2019 is winning the Open Championship.

He said to us that he's really focusing on the Open Championship this year, the British Open. That's the one he doesn't have. He really, really wants that one. ... He was looking ahead to whatever [course] they're going to be on in a couple of months.

I want the US Open course to be harder; currently it is being a 'wussy'

The course is being a little bit of a wussy... I want even par to win my U.S. Open. I want shitty golf. I want awful golf.

The deer seen on the US Open broadcast at Pebble Beach are fake props released from a truck

Those are fake deer... I'm saying there's a guy. I'm saying a guy's standing on the beach with a big fucking truck of deer and just letting them loose... There's no chance [they are real]. I've been to US Opens. There's just so many people.

If Brooks Koepka wins the 2019 US Open, he is the 'new Tiger'

I want Brooks to win... If Brooks wins this one, he's the new Tiger. I'm going to say it. He's a Blake and a Tiger and a Brooks.

I was wrong about Tiger Woods never winning another major

Hand up, I never thought I'd see Tiger back in this spot. I was definitely in the camp of he'll be in it maybe a couple times, maybe flirt with one... but he'll never win another major. I was very wrong.

I could beat some professional golfers on the senior tour

I could beat, not be one, I could beat one [professional golfer]... Trevino, all the old guys... At some point, the father time is on my side. I'm 41... An average round for me, if I go out and just play average, I'll shoot in mid-80s.

Brooks Koepka is better than Tiger Woods was at his peak

Koepka is better than Tiger Woods was at his peak, right? He's bombing his driver. Tiger at his peak... No, I just think he's underappreciated. All he does is win majors.

The fan Tiger Woods hit with a golf ball is responsible for Tiger losing The Open

Tiger was back for a minute, and then he hit a guy with a golf ball, and everything fell apart from that moment on. I hope that guy's a real asshole, the guy that got hit. And I hope it affects him down the line. I hope it becomes like a Steve Bartman situation because he took something very important away from us. He took Tiger being in contention on the 18th hole of a major championship in the year of our Lord 2018 away from the world.

Tiger Woods has won a major in every country that has a Perkins restaurant

Tiger Woods has won a major tournament in every single country that has a Perkins restaurant. That's a fact. Well, there haven't been any majors played in Canada. I'll give it to him.

Tiger Woods will have an incredible run at the British Open but lose to Lee Trevino

I predict that Tiger will have an incredible run, and ultimately, Lee Trevino will pip him.

Patrick Reed hasn't taken off the Green Jacket since he won the Masters

He showed up in the green jacket at the Rockets game. He has not taken it off. Well, yes, you're right. He has not showered. He has not done laundry. That's pure Patrick Reed for you.

The Masters course was 'on PEDs' because of painted roots and soft conditions

You could see the green spray paint on the bottom of the tree on the root system. So it looks like we were a little bit woke on that. The course is on PEDs. The course didn't show up this weekend... The course choked.

Sergio Garcia has never won a major in his life and he never will.

Sergio and the fact that he's known for choking and that he'll never win a major. Ever... [Big Cat: He's going to put [the green jacket] on the winner, but he won't wear one himself... Because he's never won one.]

New Rule: Ban beer for golf fans, but require PGA golfers to drink one beer every three holes

Yes Rory, we can ban beer from PGA events, but the golfers then have to drink... they have to drink one beer per three holes. I think that's fair.

Tiger Woods is not 'back' yet

[Do you think Tiger Woods is back?] No. ... If he's in it, I'm watching. ... And yes, my God, please come back and be great. That would be awesome.

Tiger Woods is officially back, but he will never win another Major

Once [Tiger] is on the course and playing well, I can say, yeah, look, he looked good. He's back. I don't think he's ever going to win anything big again. But for right now, he's back.

Tiger Woods should start juicing heavily and transition to long drive competitions

Here's what Tiger [Woods] should do. He should just get into long drive competitions. Just start juicing heavy. Get back to your old self. Don't worry about your short game, any of the stuff that requires attention to detail. Just get out there and fucking rip it.

Tiger Woods should only play par-3 courses to save his back

He needs to revamp his whole game a little bit because once he starts getting above a five iron is when his spinal column collapses like a termite mound. So he needs to just go to par three courses.

Serena Williams could beat Tiger Woods in golf right now

The real question is it sounds like Serena Williams could beat Tiger Woods now.

Jim 'Bones' Mackay was Phil Mickelson's personal bookie

Phil Mickelson and his caddy, Bones... they are splitting up. I mean, we all know why, right? Two reasons. One, Phil didn't go to the U.S. Open... and two, Bones was probably Phil's bookie, and Phil probably can't gamble anymore.

Brooks Koepka is too attractive to win a major tournament

[Brooks Koepka] is way too attractive to win any kind of major tournament. Usually you need a receding hairline, some Phil Mickelson man boobs, some Tiger Woods inner demons. Give me one flaw that I can make fun of you for on Twitter and make me feel better as a person.

Ricky Fowler should start wearing red on Sundays since Tiger Woods is no longer in contention

Tiger's not going to be in contention on Sundays anytime soon. Somebody needs to swoop in and grab the red over. Take those reds. I'm so dumb that I will root for any golfer that makes playing in red on Sundays his thing now. Because that's as close as we're going to get to cheering on Tiger again.

Booger McFarland could beat any professional golfer if given a couple weeks of practice

If you guys didn't know, Booger thinks that he can beat a professional golfer. If you give Booger a couple weeks practice, he can beat anybody in golf. I actually agree with that.

Tiger Woods' golf career is officially over

Tiger, I listen all you Tiger fanboys out there just I want you to do something for me right now. Sit down, listen up, you ready? It's over. It's over.

Tiger Woods is actually getting hair transplant surgery or steroids, not back surgery

Tiger had a fourth back surgery. I have a stay woke on that... I think he's actually getting hair transplant surgery and he's calling it back surgery... Or steroids. He's getting a steroid implanted in his body.

Sergio Garcia will repeat as Masters champion next year

I'm going to plant my flag in the ground right now and call it. I actually think Sergio is going to repeat next year. Okay, I think he's going back to...

Tiger Woods will never win the Masters again

Do I think he's going to win this tournament again? I don't. No, I don't think he's going to.

Phil Mickelson intentionally reported Lexi Thompson's rules violation to ensure the PGA Tour was on notice

I think Phil Mickelson called in this rules violation ahead of the Masters to make sure everybody was on their game. ... Also stay woke. Maybe he was just making this quote to get the headlines that he paid $2 million to his bookie last year, pushed down a little bit on the Google search results.

Phil Mickelson will eventually play on the LPGA tour

Phil Mickelson might actually play on the LPGA. He's got the boobs, he's got the tits, he's got a rack. ... I like a guy with a nice rack. Phil Mickelson, he does it for me.

Tiger Woods at 100/1 to win the Masters is a must-bet even if he doesn't play

The Tiger Woods, 101 odds to win the Masters. Jump on it now before they go down... Those are the best odds I've ever seen for a guy who's not even going to play in the tournament.

Tiger Woods will never win another major

Tiger's never coming back... I would love to see him win a major, but I don't think it's going to happen.

Tiger Woods missing the cut is actually good because he can't get injured during the final two rounds

Other spin zone, he only played two rounds because he missed the cut. So that's two less rounds you could injure himself in. Less wear and tear. Smart move getting ready for the Masters. Way to save yourself.

Tiger Woods took a Monster Energy sponsorship because he wants to turn into a 'JV' version of himself

I'd like to see Tiger turn into Cabrera, the guy that smokes on the golf course. I'd like to see Tiger just embrace the new weird, washed up, second rate C plus JV Tiger and just start smoking.

England shouldn't be allowed to compete for Europe in the Ryder Cup after Brexit.

What a crock of shit that England's allowed to compete with Europe even though they Brexited. Give me a break. You can't have it both ways, man.

Tiger Woods will likely never win another major championship

Gun to my head, Tiger wins another major? Probably not. I mean, I don't know. He hadn't played golf all year. Also, there was a gun to my head.

Jim Furyk probably has a secret second family that he has been hiding for years.

I wouldn't be surprised if Jim Furyk has like a second family that pops up soon... You don't want to get that many people talking about you because you probably have an entire second family that you've had for like 10 years. You have a six and an eight year old with a totally different woman than your wife.

Arnold Palmer was never actually a good golfer

I don't think Arnold Palmer was ever actually good. Have you seen that guy swing? Swings like my grandpa. I would kill that guy.

The winning score at the 2016 U.S. Open will be plus 25

I heard the winning score is going to be like plus 25. Doesn't matter with DraftKings it will be fun the triple bogeys will be exhilarating.

Tiger Woods will never win another major championship

I'm firmly in the Tiger will never win another Masters or major championship in his life. And I've said that for like four or five years now. I just don't, you can only, your body can only take so many steroids before you become immune to them. So I don't think he was ever going to win another one.

Ernie Els six-putting at the Masters is the worst thing a South African person has ever done in history

The bottom line is what Ernie Els did today was probably the worst thing a South African person has ever done... in the history of the world.