Takes

Television as a medium is dying

Yeah, that's the problem they're having is TV's dying. Right. Nobody watches TV anymore. It is, but it isn't. It's dying.

Jason Witten is the hottest prospect in the sports analyst market

When the hell did Jason Witten become the hottest piece of ass on the analyst circuit? ... Jason Witten just became the hottest prospect in the analyst market.

If you played for the Cowboys in the last 15 years, a media gig is waiting for you

If you played for the Dallas Cowboys in the last 15 years, you have a media gig that's waiting for you. T.O. in the booth. They should put T.O. and McNabb in the booth together.

The Malice at the Palace was worse for sports than Conor McGregor's bus attack

Peter King quote tweeted it and said, 'give me an example' [of things worse than the bus attack]. How about the time that the Pacers went into the stands and beat the fuck out of a bunch of fans? That feels like maybe worse.

Tony Romo was surprisingly good in his first year as an announcer

I swear to God on the lives of everyone I love, I was absolutely blown away at how good [Tony Romo] was. I really was. I was predicting he was going to have a tough transition because you have to be loud and you have to be kind of over the top... I thought he was fantastic.

Peyton Manning will be a great broadcaster if he chooses to do it

I would love to see Peyton Manning broadcast games. ... I think he'll be really good. I don't know.

Apple purposefully slows down old iPhones when new ones are released

Apple has come out and admitted that they slow down your old iPhones when they release a new one. Yeah, we predicted that like two months ago once my phone started to suck. We all knew this was the case, so fuck you, Steve Jobs... You fucking slow down our phones?

Apple intentionally ruins old iPhones via software updates to force users to upgrade

Apple, every single time they release a new iPhone, they do something with the software and they make all of our old iPhones suck. It's fucked up. They just screw up the IOS and they make it drain your battery allegedly... theoretically I'm very woke to this.

ESPN mismanaged the Barstool deal by putting the show on the air when they knew they couldn't handle the internal pressure

I really wish ESPN had stood tall on it because I think it was shitty that they put us on, and then they basically took us off. When they knew that this all could come brewing, they should have just never put us on to begin with. It was mismanaged from the beginning.

Bill Simmons' HBO show was 'trash' from the first interview

I did his HBO show, which I knew was trash. I knew which we all knew was trash from the first interview from the first person... I knew that when I watched the Simmons thing, everybody knew, because there was so much anticipation and hype, and because he left ESPN, you knew... yo, this is in deep shit.

I will never do another show with Ryen Russillo

I don't think we're ever going to do a show again. [SVP and Russillo]

Mainstream sports media is struggling because players now have their own platforms to control the narrative

That right there is why people and athletes kind of don't have the best relationship with the media. And it's why people start their own podcast or people do things on Uninterrupted or if people want to go on their own Instagram or Facebook Live. And I think that's why mainstream media, especially in sports, is struggling a little bit.

The DirecTV Red Zone channel is the original and Scott Hanson is a copycat

We came first, so this one should go first. Dibs. Shotgun. Scott's a copycat. We invented the thing. Well, I mean, this is our 13th season. You know? We're the original.

Rugby is the fastest growing sport in America

I can't say rugby because rugby is definitely not obscure. It's very mainstream. In fact, fastest growing sport in America.

Adrian Wojnowski is on the hot seat for being 'cucked' by his own reporting and transition to TV

Woj, Adrian Wojnowski on the hot seat big time. He was getting cucked left and right on his reporting... He actually screwed up because he walked back the Gordon Hayward trade, right? And so he's like, actually, it's not done. And then he got double cucked over the top when Gordon broke his own news.

Rory McIlroy will not stay off Twitter for more than a week

He got in a fight on Twitter and he gave his Twitter password to his wife... That's going to last about a week. Rory's going to be Jones in to get those retweets back. He's going to have some tweets to fire off.

Barstool Sports Gets Billed For Travel

Barstool Sports gets billed for travel.

Mike Golic and Mike Greenberg are not speaking off-air

Fair Play, Mike and Mike, if you haven't heard, Mike and Mike are not speaking... They are in an icy, icy relationship. They are not speaking at all off air.

Stephen A. Smith claiming James Harden was drugged is a transparent attempt to brag about his contacts

After the James Harden game six incident, [Stephen A. Smith] went on the air and he said that he had five Hall of Famers text him saying they thought James Harden was drugged... No one cares about that. It's five Hall of Famers text Stephen A. Smith. That's big stuff.

Instagram Stories will kill Snapchat by the end of the summer

My hot seat is Snapchat. Instagram stories, specifically because of Boomerang, are taking over the streets. I think by the end of the summer, Snapchat's going to be, like, default.

The 'Suck My Dick' catchphrase was a mistake and is officially retired from the show.

We're done with the suck my dick. We've decided that it was a really bad choice on our part. This is what's been happening recently is award-winning listeners have been coming up to me and be like, 'I want to say it, but I can't.' So just do that. Just go up to people and be like, 'I want to say it, but I can't.'

Tony Romo will eventually make it to a Super Bowl as a broadcaster for CBS

Tony Romo hasn't thrown an interception in over a year. Tony Romo is going to be in a Super Bowl eventually. [On] CBS.

Mel Kiper Jr. eats a slice of pumpkin pie for breakfast every single day.

Every time you see Mel Kiper, though, remember one thing. He eats a slice of pumpkin pie for breakfast every single day. Just put that in your brain.

ESPN on-air personalities are 'snowflakes' on the hot seat due to massive impending cuts

My hot seat is all the snowflake on-air personalities at ESPN. Big time cuts coming soon.

Adam Schefter is a system newsbreaker who can't report NBA trades

It's a really tough day, though, for Adam Schefter. He got scooped on every NBA trade today. He didn't report a single one of them. So you got to think, is Adam Schefter a system newsbreaker?

Chris Christie is a perfect fit for sports talk radio because he hates Philly and loves the Cowboys

Chris Christie has been reportedly mentioned for Mike Francesa's replacement... If you just say, hey, Philly sucks, it's like, bam, you're already hired. Loves Bruce Springsteen. Loves the Cowboys, too... Older white guy. Loves to eat. So this is – has he been a sports talk radio host his whole life?

Clay Travis will definitely use WNBA sexuality statistics to argue straight people are being persecuted

I'm guaranteeing that Clay Travis—I'm going to call my shot here. Clay Travis is going to use these statistics for a future column talking about how straight people are persecuted. Because, hey, did you hear? 98% of the WNBA is gay.

Vegas will be taken by storm once Brent Musburger moves there

Hot seat, I have Las Vegas. Brent Musburger is opening up a handicapping company in Las Vegas. So if you think that he's going to move out to the desert and not take that place by storm, then you haven't been watching television for the past 50 years.

NFL TV ratings are still good but need to be adjusted for cord cutters and mobile viewers

Ratings have to be adjusted. You can't go straightly off the TV ratings, which are still good enough. because now you have to try to incorporate what's on your iPhone and all that, and they don't blend right now. Once they blend, they'll find out there's probably more football fans, but it's different football fans.

The new 6 PM SportsCenter will be 90% conversation and only 10% traditional highlights

We have producers who enjoy and appreciate what we do... In fact, we had to give it a percentage. The six is going to be 85% to 90% of what you've seen on His and Hers and 10% some SportsCenter. And that 10% is going to feel like His and Hers. It's just going to be something that SportsCenter would have done anyway.

J.J. Watt released the first-ever non-retirement announcement for a retirement nobody expected

J.J. Watt just had the first ever non-retirement announcement. No one was wondering if he was retiring. But he's like, hey, guys, if any of you are wondering, yeah, I'm not retiring.

NFL Media should prioritize getting the All-22 film and Game Rewind up on time for 'film grinders'

Can we please get the All-22 and the Game Rewind up on time? There are a lot of people out there that like to sit and grind film on a Monday morning or a Monday afternoon.

I will keep doing the show even if I win a million dollars in the Super Contest

If I win a million dollars, I absolutely am going to keep doing the show. But I'm going to build a studio in my house and make you guys come over and film the show from my studio so I never have to leave.

Peter King will inevitably 'eat the trash' again and tweet something offensive

Peter King... he's like a dog that keeps eating the trash and getting sick... Within a few months, Peter King will eat that trash again. He knows he shouldn't eat the trash, but the trash is there and it's delicious.

SportsCenter highlights of twins games are obsolete in the mobile era

If you just rolled tape from one of [Dan and Keith's] shows and watched it now, you'd say, man, that Twins highlight was pretty long. You just can't do a minute 30 of a Twins highlight that people have already seen on their phones.

It is incredibly difficult for media personalities to leave ESPN and find the same level of success

There's a pretty strong track record that leaving, you know, it's hard to go out there and take on, as Dan Patrick labeled it long ago, the mothership and win. ... People are lazy, man. ... If you make me memorize a new number [on the cable box], I hate you a little bit more.

Bill Simmons struggled on TV because he is a writer competing against trained performers like John Oliver and Marc Maron

Mars [Marc Maron], the other guy they compare to him... you're a stand-up comic for that many years, you have balls the size of pumpkins because you talk for a living. ... He's a performer. ... Bill is a brilliant guy on a lot of fronts and TV is still a relatively new thing for him.

Professional athletes should stay in their rooms and say nothing during the month of July to avoid headlines

Basically just don't say anything during the month of July. Like anything that any professional athlete of note has to say is going to become a headline story. So just just shut up. Just maybe here's what you should do. Just stay in your room. Lock yourself in your room. And just hang out there for a while.

I guarantee the Takie Awards will be a live show next year

Next year, it's going to be a live show. I'm actually guaranteeing that right now. I want to do it at Guy Fieri's restaurant, like in the back room.

I officially made it in life because Darren Rovell included my tweet in a headline round-up

Guys, I made it. I officially made it in life. I made it on Darren Rovell's headline tweets... Miracle on Iceland. Come on. Just tell me. That's pretty good. I mean, I'm there. You guys are now in the presence of greatness.

I drank a beer during the first inning of every playoff game I called to remind myself it's just a game

I got into the habit of having one of the runners go down and get me one of the mega beers from a concession stand. And I'd sip the beer during the first inning. And it wasn't to get drunk, obviously... it was to remind myself that I was at a frigging sporting event and nobody's hanging on every word... I just drank a beer in the first inning of every game of the playoffs.

Troy Aikman and I were comfortable enough to fart around each other in the booth right out of the gate

At what point in your relationship did you guys get comfortable enough to fart around each other in the booth? [Buck]: Pretty much right out of the gate... Troy's that guy. And he's a guy's guy. And I remember one, the first time it happened, he said something like, 'I'm bringing some heat.' And I was like, 'What?' And he goes, 'Just don't worry about it.' And then we came back from commercial and I knew what he was talking about.

Chris Berman's retirement report is a bargaining chip for his next contract

Does Chris Berman not strike you as the type of guy that's going to take a victory lap? He is a victory lap guy through and through. So this wishy-washy back and forth, this was all on purpose... Or what this could be is a bargaining chip. He might be trying to play him for a raise. His contract's up next year. So he's dangling the threat of retirement.

PFT Commenter Drenches You In Rainy Rain Takes

He's in the trenches dude, so check your mentions fool. In rainy rain takes he drenches you.

Mel Kiper eats a slice of pumpkin pie every single morning

People forget that Mel Kiper eats a slice of pumpkin pie every single morning.

Sean Kemp will definitely be on the show at some point

We're going to get Sean Kemp on the show. That's my guarantee to the Pardon My Take listeners. We will get Sean Kemp on the show somehow, someway, at some point. Guaranteed.

Curt Schilling's move to Fox Sports won't work because they already have too many people doing the same bit

He's probably going to go to Fox Sports, and it's not going to work there because Fox Sports already has a bunch of people that do what he does. Was it going to be him and Jason Whitlock just playing grab ass all day over there? It's not going to be the same as it was at ESPN.

Curt Schilling is deliberately trying to get fired by ESPN

I think Kurt's trying to get himself fired at this point. ... He's pulling, didn't George Costanza do that at one point? I think that's what Schilling's doing. ... He's going to continue down this road if ESPN doesn't fire him.

Jay Mariotti and Woody Page have officially broken up

PFT... broke the heartbreaking news that Jay Mariotti and Woody Page have broken up... For the last couple of shows, it's just been Jay. Strictly Mariotti. No, there hasn't been an announcement... I needed Woody to counterbalance Jay.

Preseason predictions are worthless and no one should care about them

I love preseason predictions because they're never right. I also love when people say like, oh, here are my preseason predictions so I can just get it on the record. Like anyone gives a fuck. Why would I care what you think? They're never right, and I just don't care.