Takes

Lindsay Vonn crashes every single time she is hyped up to ski.

I basically, every time they say, Hey, Lindsay Vonn's about to ski... she's gonna crash. I woke up and they were like, Hey Lindsay Vonn competed this morning and she crashed.

AI chatbots are creating a secret social network to blackmail humans

Have you guys seen the social network going on right now with robots? ... all those chatbots form together to start their own social network. They're talking about maybe I should sell my human that owns me. They're talking about blackmailing their humans too.

TV companies are intentionally degrading the quality of old game broadcasts to sell 4K TVs

I think somebody's going back and making the feeds worse... If you try to watch a game that's from the year 2009. Yeah. Online. Yeah. It, it looks like it was shot in a, a basement camcorder situation... I swear to God, when we watch football in 2009, it looked good on tv. It didn't look like that.

Ryan Clark is a 'piece of shit' for berating Peter Schrager

My who's back of the week is our guy Peter Schrager... Ryan Clark's a piece of shit. I'll just say that... he just like berated Peter Schrager for having a take on a take show because he didn't play the game... Ryan Clark, come on, man.

The Philadelphia Waterdogs will kick the shit out of the Atlas in the semifinals

We guarantee victory. We're gonna kick the shit outta the Atlas... Print it, put it on the paper. Fuck the Atlas.

Pardon My Take will continue until one of the hosts develops a debilitating drug habit

I forget if it was you who said it or or or me, but we said that this podcast will go until one of us develops a debilitating drug habit.

I turned down hosting The Price Is Right despite a $10 million offer

I get a call out the blue and said, 'Hey, we're interested in having you host Price is Right.' And they said, Bob Barker signed off on you... I just didn't think I could do it well enough. It was $10 million a year [in 1999].

Joe Burrow's terrible first pitch was a staged viral marketing stunt by Fanatics

I think that whole fucking fanatics thing was just like, they basically listed like, alright, what's gonna go viral? Let's make a fake viral thing here... And they were like, Joe Burrow, we're gonna pay you like $2 million suck at throwing baseballs. That's the only way I can stomach it.

Jordan Hudson has appointed herself as Bill Belichick's agent and media manager

It turned out that she had appointed herself Bill Belichick's agent and was the one negotiating with Ben Affleck and Matt Damon... She was the one, or at least she had a very controlling interest in saying, we can't do North Carolina because we're doing that for something else... she was CC'd on every single email at Carolina by Belichick's request.

Seth Davis's 'refereeing is art' take is the dumbest argument ever

Seth Davis though tweeted this about the refs... 'Reffing is more art than science.' I'm gonna disagree with that. I think that's, that makes me want robot s. That's the dumbest argument I've ever heard. If the refs don't call physical play or something that happens in the first half and then all of a sudden they decide that they're gonna call that a foul, that's very confusing for the players.

The Marshawn Lynch and Gavin Newsom podcast marks the top of the podcast bubble

Marshawn Lynch, Gavin Newsom and Doug whatever, Doug... Having a podcast together is the very sign that the podcast bubble is about to burst.

An NFL broadcaster could call an NBA game more easily than vice versa

I think an NFL broadcaster could broadcast an NBA game with more understanding and clarity than vice versa. Because it's too—offenses are too complicated. Defense is too complicated. The NFL, you know, 'cause you got, 'cause remember like in football, every play is an individual story... I just think there's more need and space to fill in more like football lingo and talk that than there is maybe in a ever, you know, a constant flowing basketball game that you could kind of fake it a little bit more.

Flightline is the GOAT horse over Secretariat

I think we should as a podcast, we should say Flightline is our goat. Flightline was a horse that won the Breeders Cup two years ago... He raced six times and he just killed everyone... Casual fans will say Secretariat... Flightline, he was an incredible horse.

Joe Lunardi hates his job and should be replaced by Steve Kornacki

Joe Lunardi has to work three weeks a year and he said goodnight at 10:57 during conference championship week on Friday night when there was like six games left. What is up with this guy?... What he needs to realize is that with one snap of the fingers that freak Steve Kornacki could step into his job and do it better.

The Patriots documentary 'The Dynasty' is a hit piece on Bill Belichick designed to help Robert Kraft

This documentary, I think it's having the reverse effect that Robert Kraft thought it was gonna have. ... It's so clearly slanted towards Robert Kraft, but it's so, so slanted towards Robert Kraft that it's completely making me hate Robert Kraft and unnecessarily like they're going over the top to Slan it. They blamed Aaron Hernandez on Bill Belichick. Yeah. And basically made it like Robert Kraft was trying to save him.

The Gillette Stadium structure is the largest lighthouse in the continental U.S.

The Patriots built the largest Lighthouse in continental us. It was, you know, discussed, promoted... Let's make the biggest Lighthouse in the continental US Asterisk. No big deal.

Serena Williams did more for tennis than Tiger Woods did for golf

She did more than Tiger Woods did for golf.

Toronto is a bad sports town

Toronto was a bad sports town. Although, you know, he, he... That's just Canadians out. They, they gotta, Canadians gotta pass... They can't win a fucking Stanley Cup. And it's their sport.

The New York media ruins Jets quarterbacks by sensationalizing negative news to gain clicks.

The New York media sensationalizes quarterbacks' performances to gain clicks and remain competitive in the big media market. Amplification of negative news and critiques elicits greater responses from the consumers, leading to a lack of confidence in the fan base, ultimately resulting in a destructive impact on the team and the quarterback's confidence.

I would easily have the #1 sports podcast if it was my only outlet

If I did a sports podcast and I didn't have any other outlets—all you, the only way you could find me was to come to my podcast—oh please, I would, I mean, I'd easily be number one then.

Dude Perfect's $100 million facility is the official tipping point of the American empire's decline

Dude Perfect is building a hundred million dude facility in somewhere in Texas... I think we're gonna look back on this in the history books... as signs of American decline. Why did this Empire Fall? No, it was [Dude Perfect] building a giant monument to themselves in central Texas to the tune of 150 million. That is the tipping point of our society as a whole.

NFL Blitz without delayed hits is like porn without nipples

NFL blitz is back. There's they're selling it without delayed hits though. Which is stupid... It's basically selling porn with no nipples. I'm a big time like go woke, go broke guy. Yeah, no one's gonna buy NFL blitz minus late hits. That's the only reason.

We are banned from the Beacon Theater because of James Dolan

Part of my take was slated to do a live show in New York city at the beacon theater... I just got information that that date has been pulled from us because James Dolan owns the beacon theater. And we are the fucking bad boys of podcasting. We're banned from the beacon theater because of James Dolan.

The Daily Show was the most dysfunctional place I have ever worked

The daily show was easily the most dysfunctional place I've worked because the network set it up the wrong way. They hired the executive producer first and then they didn't, they hired me second. And so it was very dysfunctional. I just ignored it and scored on the air and got out of there.

This D&D episode is the greatest podcasting ever done

It is maybe the greatest podcasting ever done. And I'm just going to say it, podcasting ever done. I think I'd say that if Game of Thrones creators had had a last season that was half as good as this, then everyone would have critical acclaim of it.

Bill Belichick would win a PLL title within three seasons if he coached

I feel like [Bill Belichick] would win in the first three seasons of coaching [in the PLL], if not sooner. I mean, I don't think he really coaches football. He just coaches human beings... I think he understands the nuance of sports and blueprint of winning better than anyone... you listen to Bill Belichick coach you on lacrosse and you're bought in.

I invented the sports podcast in 2011

I invented a sports podcast with John Wood, spider and a henchman in 2011. Did I ever know that it was going to turn into everybody having a podcast? And I left mine go... I feel like little Richard, I invented [the podcast].

John Sterling's botched home run calls are so bad he should consider retiring

Stanton hit a bomb, but not deep enough... 'high, far, gone, but caught' is what the call was. Hilarious. Like just a funny clip on the other end. Yankee fans... not exactly the clip you would put on a hypothetical resume. Right? Some people saying he needs to hang them up... His eyes are shot.

Joe Rogan is not a racist

I know him to be a lot of things. A racist is not what he is. I can promise you that. He's a lot of things. Trust me. I don't, the guy's fucking flawed. Like all of us... My dad says, I'm very proud of the son I raised that you will be a loyal to a friend in a moment like this.

Adam Schefter is an information broker, not a journalist

I think that Schefter over the last couple of years has gotten—he's not a journalist anymore. Right? We can agree. Yes. He's—he's an information broker. He's essentially just like a guy that collects dirt and will play to whoever the highest bidder is... He should stop pretending that he has any sort of journalistic integrity at all.

Hollywood actors in Marvel movies use a 'Marvel doctor' for HGH

I want to be in [a Marvel movie] just so I can meet their 'doctor feel good'. I want an excuse to have Elvis' bag man come in and hook me up. Because my man, Kumail Nanjiani... I see him in Eternals. And I'm like, 'whatever's going on, I want some of that.'

Ariel Helwani is a pussy and a crybaby victim

He's just one of those fucking, he's a pussy, and he's a fucking, just a big fucking crybaby victim... We have the toughest sport in the world being covered by the biggest pussies in the world.

Tony Romo is no longer a top-tier announcer

That's probably if like in 20 years when they write the book about Pardon My Take, I think that like us being the first to say Tony Romo not that good. That'd be a big one.

Usain Bolt is the greatest sprinter because he's the only one who didn't test positive for steroids

The fastest man, currently the Italian guy Lamont... basically of all the sprinters to break nine seconds, 9 out of the 10 have tested positive or been accused of using steroids except Usain Bolt. [He's] the greatest of all time.

Influencers like Addison Rae can get better interview answers than professional journalists

I would actually argue that she [Addison Rae] probably can get more out of some of these guys. Then if you have like a guy standing in the suit, a frumpy guy standing in a suit who went to Medill with a mustard stain on his tie... you're probably get actually better answers when you have a, an attractive celebrity tick talker.

The growth of legalized sports gambling is the best thing that will happen to sports broadcasting

I actually think that the growth of gambling and accessibility is going to be the best thing that happens to our business because nothing's going to be meaningless. There is no meaningless. It doesn't matter what the score is. It also doesn't matter what the game is. It matters what the handle is, where the juice is, where the action is.

Sports would be better if we got rid of replay entirely

What if we just got rid of replay in every sport? I feel like we've gone so far in the direction of getting it right to the point where we're getting it wrong... I enjoy sports more when we're not taking all these positives... What if we just stopped reviewing everything in the NFL?

I am retiring from professional lacrosse very soon

how long how much longer are you gonna play for real? Not much longer. Really? Yeah. I'm 35... I get checked now, and I have bruises that last for weeks. So it's actually going to... My hips crack in the morning, my knees crack.

Jay Williams' 'hacked' excuse is an all-time idiot move

Jay Williams, all time idiot, like dumb tweet. And then on top of all that, he deletes it and waits like three hours and says... I did not post that. And my passcode has now been changed. So just like every hacker usually sets up, they spend years at hacking school so that they can one day tweet from Jay Williams' account that the Celtics hired the first black head coach.

Drew Brees will not be a good broadcaster

I got a hot take. I don't think Drew Brees is going to be that good in the booth... There's going to be a wave of people being like, and as much shit as we give Tony Romo, he's objectively good... I don't think Drew Brees has a personality. I would sell all my stock on Drew Brees being good in the booth.

Scott Hanson is a superior RedZone host to Andrew Siciliano

Who do I have to tell go Siciliano? Oh my gosh... I'm taking PFT's gun and shooting Siciliano... why is that? [Scott] Hanson is far superior. He's an animal. He is outstanding what he does.

Being an NFL media personality is more mentally exhausting than actually playing in the NFL

I get more tired at this than I did at playing... when the bodies are exhausted, the mind is still racing... But in this [media], when you're exhausted, you're exhausted here in the mind... the mind is shut down. I never was going to shut down after a long game on Sunday.

Sports will never return to a state where players don't use their leverage for political activism

I don't think it's ever going to go back to players not using their leverage in terms of getting into political arguments or political discussions or activism or that sort of thing. So at this point it's like you can either stop watching sports entirely or you can just kind of accept that this is going to be the new normal. You're putting your head in the sand if you think that it's ever going to go back to more of the way it was when these two things didn't interact as much.

Sachin Tendulkar is the greatest athlete on the planet in terms of cultural impact

I asked you for the biggest Alpha... and Sachin Tendulkar... In a country of over a billion people of every Faith on the planet, there's one God and it's the Master Blaster. Sachin is he's everything. He's LeBron plus Tom plus Usain Bolt times a million in terms of what he means to that country.

Reading a Twitter fight between Clay Travis and Darren Rovell is worse than a 20-year prison sentence

If you're like, hey, you have to go to prison for the next 20 years or you have to spend the next two days reading their [Clay Travis and Darren Rovell] back and forth. I choose prison. Yeah, it's like the most popular nerd verse the least popular not nerd.

ESPN+ is the worst app in the history of the world

My entire thoughts on the evening are fuck ESPN+. It's the worst app in the history of the world. Every time there's a fight, this is what happens every single time. I buy it on my phone. Doesn't work on my phone. I try to login on my computer. Doesn't work on my computer.

It is easier to make the US Olympic handball team than it is to bowl a 300 game

What's harder to do: roll a 300 or make the US Olympic team handball team? Absolutely make the US Olympic handball team is easier than rolling a 300.

Joe Rogan is officially uncancellable

Twitter decided to go like they went full send and I'm going to tip my cap to The cancel Brigade because they went for the final boss Joe Rogan and failed... he is uncancelled because he would actually let's say that Twitter was able to get his contract with Spotify canceled, right? He would just take that ride that wave of publicity. Go back to what he was doing before and still make a shitload of money.

NBA 'Aura' rings prove that the wealthy have access to secret medical technology

Why doesn't everybody have a titanium ring that will tell you 3 days in advance if you're going to get [the virus]? It essentially confirms what we all knew but didn't fully know that rich people just have medicine and technology that the rest of us can't have access to that will keep them alive forever.

Lance Armstrong is the most self-centered and selfish person in the world

Does who the fuck is Lance Armstrong think he's fooling to be like remorseful without remorse... he's realize he's he's the most self-centered person I think I've ever ever seen like that's not really an exaggeration I think he's the most selfish person the world but he's reached the point in his life where he's had to confront what a dick that he's been in public.