Takes

AI chatbots are creating a secret social network to blackmail humans

Have you guys seen the social network going on right now with robots? ... all those chatbots form together to start their own social network. They're talking about maybe I should sell my human that owns me. They're talking about blackmailing their humans too.

Daily ice cream consumption can reduce diabetes risk by 50%

Ice cream might save the planet. The healthy fats in ice cream can protect you against so many things... 50% reduction in diabetes [from] one serving a day.

Jared Goff is statistically the best quarterback in the NFL since joining the Lions

If you look at Jared Goff's stats since he became a Lion, you could make the argument that statistically he's the best quarterback in the NFL... by the numbers in terms of like yards, touchdowns, all that stuff.

Ben Simmons' career is over now that his agent has dropped him

My Hot Seat is Ben Simmons... He got dropped by his agent... if you're getting dropped, you're, you're, you must be bad, bad. You just not care. Yeah. At all. He just literally doesn't care even enough to like take a contract, bad sign. So he's just not, he's he's not represented currently.

Fighter pay has increased with every new deal and will continue to go up with the Paramount Plus deal

Since 2001, the day we bought this company fighter pay has gone up. Every new deal that we've done, fight, pay has gone up and obviously fight or pay will go up for this deal. It's incredible for the fighters.

Caleb Williams is entering the best situation for a second-year quarterback in the history of the NFL

I truly believe this by the way. I think that the situation that Caleb Williams is in right now is the best situation in the history of second-year quarterbacks in the entire NFL. Think about it. They shored up the offensive line. They got rid of Matt Eberflus. That's good for six wins right there. They finally have a GM and a coach that are lined up on the same contract. They've got an offensive wizard at head coach who's got a bag that's deeper than the Mariana Trench.

Duke's loss to Houston was the biggest choke in Final Four history

Duke's downfall for four hours, but like, sign me up. I'll take off my pants right now. 'cause that was, holy fuck. Was that an incredible Final Four delivered... Duke biggest choke in Final Four history. Best team ever analytically... They're the only team to, to have a higher field goal. Percentage more free throw attempts, more assists, fewer turnovers, more steals and lose in the history of the NCAA tournament.

I was '99 percent correct' about predicting a top-two pick Heisman winner making the Super Bowl

If I said in June of 2028 and asteroid is gonna hit Peru... And then in June of 2028 and asteroid hit Uruguay. Am I more right or than the people who said it would never happen? If in August I say for the first time in NFL history, a rookie's going to be playing to go to the Super Bowl and make the Super Bowl and that rookie is gonna be a Heisman Trophy winner. And that rookie's gonna be a top two pick. And that rookie's going to have a connection to Cliff Kingsbury. And then this all happens [with Jayden Daniels] and everyone's like, oh, you're an idiot. You said Caleb Williams was gonna make the Super Bowl. And I'm like, I basically called it.

TJ Watt's injury might be a psychological 'Art of War' ploy to trick the Ravens

I have a theory about TJ Watt's injury... I think this could be an Art of War situation. Sun Sue Art of War. Make your enemy think that you were weak when you were strong... Start throwing out the one in 10 without TJ Watts Stats... Let people start thinking during the week of practice. Maybe TJ's not gonna be playing this week.

The 2024 Washington Commanders are frauds

Bernie Madoff. Sam Bankman-Fried. The 2020 election. The 2024 Washington Commanders. [Frauds]. Sometimes the haters are right. When the haters are right, you gotta say, great job haters.

Shane Waldron was the primary issue behind the Bears' struggles

Shane Waldron is the Antichrist. Shane Waldron caused all the problems. Shane Waldron, every war tragedy, anything you can think of in history. Shane Waldron was the issue behind it... The only way I can tell myself that the Bears have a chance is that Shane Waldron was deliberately holding the Bears back in every capacity and now everything's gonna be different.

The Bears should fire Matt Eberflus tomorrow

The Bears are so, so, so bad. And Matt Eberflus should be fired tomorrow. And it won't fix it. Listen, Matt Eberflus and Shane Waldron deserve blame. But I'm not saying it's all on them... But you can fire the coach. And the coach stinks.

Aaron Rodgers is a serial coach killer

[Aaron Rodgers] is a serial coach killer. Mike McCarthy and [Robert Saleh]. If you kill two people, you're a serial killer.

The Phillies will lose to the Mets in five games

I mean, it's, it's going to go five. The Phillies are gonna go up 2-1. I'm going be comfortable... then the Mets are gonna have a heroic comeback in game four and then game five, they're just gonna smoke us and it's gonna be, it'll be like 4-0 Mets in game five. That's how it's gonna go.

The Washington Commanders are currently the best team in the NFC East

The Washington Commanders look like the best team in the NFC East right now. Dallas can't get out of their own way... and the Giants are the Giants. Jayden Daniels looks to be not just the best rookie quarterback, he's among the top 15 quarterbacks in football.

I'm not worried about Caleb Williams; I'm worried about the Bears' coaching staff ruining him

Nothing has changed about my opinion about Caleb Williams other than the fact maybe everyone was right that Matt Eberflus is a fucking moron... Caleb Williams is not my worry at all. I know people were going to say he is a bust and all that shit. He's not my worry. I swear to God, I'm not worried at all. I'm worried about the coaching staff just like ruining him in a way that makes me worried.

Bryce Young's career in Carolina is over

I feel bad for Bryce Young. It doesn't feel like it's ever gonna happen. Carolina, I feel like that part is, is kind of done. 'Cause even if he plays the rest of this year, there's no way the Panthers are gonna be good enough where they're like, we're gonna keep him going forward.

Justin Tucker might be washed

Justin Tucker might be washed. Yeah. Can't hit 50 yarders anymore.

John Gruden is secretly advising the Chiefs and is effectively on their coaching staff

John Gruden was at Chiefs practice today... he was wearing a Chiefs uniform and he was advising Chiefs coaches. Whoa. So I think John Gruden might be secretly on the Chiefs' coaching staff now. He's like Mid-hat right now with the Chiefs.

Hank has 24 hours to shave his head

24 hours... because then now you're people like you, Hank will be the reason why we struggle next year because we're trying to get ready for the next season... The longer you play that, the longer we're living in the past.

Rory McIlroy will get a performance boost from his recent divorce filing

Rory McElroy divorce bump. ... Rory's just gonna go to Cleveland. He, he's either trying to go to Cleveland or it was smart. What? You said you might be trying to go to Boston. ... Girls are looking at him, I'm gonna be, I'm a champion baby.

The current Minnesota Timberwolves are the NBA version of the 2000 Baltimore Ravens

This is the 2000 Ravens through these first six [games]... they're maniacal. They're grinning ear to ear as they're playing defense. Minnesota is emerging as the favorite to win this tournament by being the best defense we've seen in years.

The Celtics vs. Cavaliers series will be a triple-digit point differential bloodbath

They'll probably maybe win one game and have like a historic shooting there... but there should be a four-one or four-oh series. [Point differential] is gonna be like in triple digits. Bloodbath.

The MLB will eventually sweep the Shohei Ohtani gambling investigation under the rug

I do think the MLB's just gonna sweep it under the rug. Of course they [will]. It's like, it's almost done. I'm telling you. I think it might be done. They're gonna reinstate Pete Rose and they'll be like under the new rules Shohei did very little wrong.

Purdue will win the National Championship as a redemption story similar to Virginia in 2019

I love love, love love Purdue. Revenge... The UVA formula. And what, what didn't UVA win the next year? Yeah. It's happening again.

The presence of Bill Belichick and Mike Vrabel on the market will speed up coach firings next season

I think the fact that [Vrabel's] out there, the fact that Bill [Belichick] is out there, I think it speeds up the coaching firing cycle next season when teams are ordinarily making moves. We get to Thanksgiving. Usually. Sometimes there's a move that is made early in the year. One stray firing, oh, Carolina fired Frank Reich. But usually teams wait till after Thanksgiving and then they start trickling in. I, I think it wouldn't shock me if we started getting stuff like if late, late October, early November, because teams want to go talk to Vrabel. They want to go talk to Belichick.

Big Dom's suspension is the definitive reason why the Eagles' season fell apart

The report is essentially that Big Dom was a lot more than just a security guard. He was essentially Nick Sirianni's emotional support animal. And when he got suspended from the sideline, Nick Sirianni spiraled outta control was fighting with players. And Big Dom is the reason why their season fell apart. And I 100% believe it.

I can still play in the NFL and am not technically retired

Can I still play in the NFL? Yes. Yes. Are you retired technically? No. I have not put in my paperwork or, you know, signed my anything with like the trust or anything like that. I've done that on purpose because I didn't want to have to do it twice. But no, I, I just train every week like I'm a player and then if I get the call, I'm ready to roll.

I want the 49ers to win the Super Bowl to retroactively erase the Eagles' success from last year

I'm rooting for them to get to the Super Bowl now because I want, I want it to be erased... He's gonna deal with 49ers fans being like, it never would've beaten us... I'm rooting for them to win and, and win big. And so that way we can be like, the 49ers should have been in the Super Bowl against the Chiefs.

The Cowboys should extend both Dak Prescott and Mike McCarthy

I still think with the, you know, benefit of hindsight, another day to think about it. You gotta extend both Dak Prescott and Mike McCarthy. Yeah, I think listen, you won 13 games, right? ... sometimes stability is your best stability.

The Eagles should fire everyone on the coaching staff except Big Dom

I want every one of them go ... Big dom stays. Big dom has stayed through multiple coaching generations. ... We need a leader of men on this team.

The Eagles are legitimately the worst team in football right now

The team's bad football team right now. I don't care what they were doing at the first 11 games... They're legitimately the worst team in football right now.

Bill Belichick will beat the Jets one last time then leave for the Commanders

If Belichick is going to the Commanders, Belichick will figure out a way to beat the New York Jets one last time... and then give the Patriots a worst pick, give his potential new team a better pick. That's my fanfiction world.

The NBA is back to being irrelevant

Who's back? NBA being Irrelevant.

Bill Belichick coaching for a team other than the Patriots is a looming reality

Could you see Bill Belichick coaching for any team, but the New England Patriots next year? I mean, I think it's a reality that's gonna, that's gonna come, you know, I won't believe it until it's done. But it it, when the media starts getting on this and starts talking about it where there's smoke, there's fire. And I just hope it's handled correctly.

The Broncos, Bengals, and Bills will all make the playoffs as AFC wild card teams

My overly direct take... is that the Broncos, Bengals and Bills are all outta the playoffs right now. They're all gonna be the wild card teams in the AFC.

Jake Browning is elite

Jake Browning has arrived. He is Elite. I got a question. Is Jake Browning him? He might be... 32 for 37. 354 yards. And a Bengals win.

Every NFC South coach who doesn't win the division will be fired

Whoever wins the NFC South will not fire their coach going into next season. Agreed. Every other team will... I'm not saying that they should... we can say the entire NFC South is coaching for their job.

The Browns might actually be better without Deshaun Watson and Nick Chubb

Do you think that the Cleveland Browns are better without Deshaun Watson, Nick Chubb and Joel Bitonio? They might be. And you had a lot of people talking about the 49ers being super injured today. Well, the Browns, they they got you beat when it comes to major injuries.

Damian Lillard is past his prime

I think Damian Lillard's a little old, a little past his prime. Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown are in their prime. Damian Lillard's washed up.

The Chicago Bears will have the first and second picks in the 2024 NFL Draft

I think the Bears might have the first and second pick in the draft. That's my overly direct take.

This is a legacy-defining season for Kyle Shanahan where he must win the Super Bowl

I'm ready to say it. I think this is a legacy year for Kyle Shanahan. I think he has to win the Super Bowl or else his pristine championship pedigree has been tarnished. If he wins the Super Bowl, he will be the number one coach in the NFL. This is a legacy defining season for him.

Colorado will beat Nebraska by 30 points next week

I'm on your side. You're going to win by 30 against Nebraska.

Deshaun Watson will have a better season than Aaron Rodgers in 2023

Deshaun Watson will have a better season than Aaron Rodgers. I agree... I'm predicting this year is gonna be like last year. Russell Wilson going to Denver. Yeah. Everybody was like, oh, he's reuniting with Nathaniel Hackett. It's gonna be great. Guess what, Aaron Rodgers. Okay. Big name switching teams.

Jalen Brown does not know how to dribble

Jalen Brown does not know how to dribble. I don't know if that's something he's gonna learn. And then, I mean Jason Tatum obviously I think Jason Tatum probably smells the best coming out of this run... But where do you go and Marcus Smart? I don't know. Do you keep rolling out the same thing year after year?

If the Maple Leafs get swept, everyone will get fired and a major player will be traded

I think if they get swept every single guy is getting gassed and maybe one of the big guys getting traded. Complete implosion. I think that if they get swept, everybody's gone.

Bryce Young is too small and has a slender frame that will lead to injuries

I get the Bryce Young hype. I get it. The thing is... you can't put 30 pounds on Bryce Young. His frame is, his frame is just, it does, it's not gonna work. If you look at his frame, he's slender at the shoulders... Because of that, like, he's gonna be more injury prone.

Malik Murphy is the real sleeper in the Texas QB battle and has the best arm on the team

In reality in the UT quarterback competition, there was a big dark horse sleeper that no one saw coming in Malik Murphy... I think has the best arm out of any of the quarterbacks on the team. Quinn Ewers did have an amazing day... but this Malik Murphy guy just was throwing bombs out there.

The 76ers will beat the Nuggets in the NBA Finals

And without a doubt, I think this year's finals is gonna be a battle of these MVP Big Men. It's gonna be the 76ers against the nuggets. Wow. Embiid, Jokic, centers are back... and I'm taking Joel Embiid and the Sixers to win their first title since 1983. So Wow. Ending a 40 year drought. You can just book it.

The Ravens management has completely disrespected and mishandled Lamar Jackson

Steve Bisciotti and Eric DeCosta have fucked the city of Baltimore in its ass. That's where I would like to start. The fucking treatment of Lamar Jackson is inexcusable. How the fuck are we gonna lose Lamar over Nothing. ... It's like a fucking fat guy with a little ass dick who's got a hot girlfriend. We lucked into Lamar... and then we just fucking have taken him for granted.