Takes

Danny Hurley is 18-1 against the spread in his last four NCAA tournaments, which is insane

Danny Hurley remains 18 and one in the last four tournaments against the spread. How insane is that? Furman is the only one that they didn't cover. That was the first round this year.

Michigan set records for most efficient offense in tournament history through their first two games

Michigan set records for like the most efficient offense in the history of the tournament through two games.

The Michigan State starting five might be 'out' on big naturals because they don't follow Sydney Sweeney

None of the starting five players from Michigan State follow Sydney Sweeney on Instagram. Michigan State Spartans may be out on heavies. Starting five guys are just maybe out on big naturals.

The Seattle Seahawks will sell for $10 billion

Somebody told me $10 billion... You're buying the defending Super Bowl champion. That's never happened. Right? You're buying an organization that's run very well... It's a great buying opportunity.

I bet on the Celtics at 15-to-1 odds to win the NBA Finals

I I did put a bet on the Celtics... 15 to one. Oh Nice. Yeah. That's huge... I swear to God I wasn't even thinking about bringing it up.

I have bet on Florida (19-1), UConn (15-1), and Wisconsin (150-1) to win the national championship

I did make some future bets. I tweeted out when I made them. But I bet Florida 19 to one, Yukon 15 to one and the Badgers at 150 to one.

I am quitting nicotine pouches cold turkey

I just quit pouches. Quit decided fuck nicotine pouches. I'm out on nicotine pouches. I'm out on all nicotine... about two full days, two and a half days off. It's not easy... My resolution is that I'm just gonna smoke cigarettes... The only time I'm allowed to have nicotine is if I'm smoking an actual cigarette... I'm out, I'm just gonna go cold turkey.

17 NFL teams will be playing in domes within the next 10 years

Seventeen teams are gonna be playing in domes within the next 10 years. The way things are currently going, the Chiefs are moving into a dome.

Sam Darnold is 10-0 straight up in his career as a favorite of six points or more

Sam Darnold has been a favorite of six points or more 10 times as a starter in the NFL. He's 10 and oh straight up, eight and two against the spread in those games.

I could still hit 4 home runs in a full MLB season today

Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do too... maybe I do have a chance. I would just need a couple ambulances. 'Cause after the games, I'm gonna have to like going to take care of my body.

The Vikings are in a bad spot because they have the hardest remaining schedule after starting with the easiest.

The Vikings... have played the number one easiest schedule this year thus far. And they have the number one hardest schedule the rest of the season. So it feels like the Vikings could be in a bad spot.

I can still dunk a basketball

Can I still dunk? Yeah, I could still dunk. I could still dunk.

Matt Fitzpatrick will statistically go down as the worst Ryder Cup player of all time if he has a bad tournament this year

Matt Fitzpatrick is 1-7-0 in the history of the Ryder Cup... I think it's the worst percentage of anybody that's ever played more than one Ryder Cup. If he has a bad Ryder Cup, he's gonna go down statistically as the worst Ryder Cup player of all time.

The Cincinnati Reds have an illegally flat pitching mound to gain an advantage

Cincinnati's tough. That mound is so flat. I know they're supposed to have regulations on how high the mound is, but whatever they're doing, they're cheating for sure. Because it's way lower. Our mound at home feels like a mountain compared to Cincinnati.

I can eat two gallons of soft-serve ice cream in eight minutes

I'm thinking close to, close to two gallons worth. It'd be, it'd be like, so I did an ice cream contest and after the contest I was like shivering because I was so, like, it was like everything was cold. So I, I think close to two gallons would be in, in about eight minutes.

Fifty percent of professional Dungeons and Dragons clients are Pardon My Take fans

I love running games for AWLs. I think at this point 50% of my clients are like AWLs. I mean it's so rad because what I do is now that I've run Forge of Fury, I've been running another adventure for them.

The 2001 NFL Draft class will eventually have 10 Hall of Famers

I want y'all to go back through this class. Draft pick for draft pick, we might have the most dense class in each position. When it's all said and done, we might have 10 yellow jackets in that draft.

Mike Evans is a lock for the Hall of Fame and could finish top five all-time in touchdowns

Mike Evans... is gonna go down like top five six in touchdowns and receiving yards. He's just so consistently awesome. Mike Evans deserves all the credit in that respect.

The Tasmanian Tiger is likely not extinct and lives in Papua New Guinea

The one that sits on the top reign supreme is an animal called a Thylacine. Tasmanian tiger... it managed to get a pilot and get picked up and turned into a series... because it used to range like 4,000 years ago... there are still ongoing reports from tribes and villages of striped dogs and all these things in Papua New Guinea. That's the area that I think needs the biggest exposure.

I average 330 yards on my drives on the golf course.

I hit about three 30. [Big Cat: Jesus.] And again, like that's always been my strength.

The 2024 draft class has 10-12 second-contract caliber wide receivers

I was strict with it. So you can, you can extrapolate this beyond this, but like a con—like my confidence level's high. Wide receivers, 10 to 12 of them. Wow. Like there's 10 to 12 that I feel pretty confident they're gonna, they're second contract, same team, commit to 'em type players.

Andy Reid will become the all-time winningest NFL coach if he stays for five or six more years

If he coaches for five to six more years and the Chiefs go between 11 and 13 wins, he will be the all time leading NFL coach in wins. Right now he's fourth.

Tyreek Hill will become a porn star after he retires from the NFL

Tyreek Hill... came out today and said that when he retires he wants to just kind of get outta the limelight and enjoys retirement in peace and also be a porn star. I would watch.

Pardon My Take is the fastest podcast in history to reach 1 billion downloads

We got to 1 billion without even hitting our 500th episode. ... Fastest to a billion. We're a fucking Rocket ship.

Baby Gronk's football career will not go past high school without elite size and speed

If baby Gronk isn't big and fast and, and and tall enough, it doesn't matter if he's really, really good, just like you said, like it, it won't matter. It, his career will, will not go any further than, than high school football because that's just how football works.

I can still bench press 225 pounds for 27 reps today

225. If I was to do it right now. Yeah, I could probably right now today get like 27.

There is zero chance I will ever retire or slow down because retirement is basically saying you want to die

Zero, zero, zero chance of ever retiring. Zero chance of ever slowing down. I fucking love this. I have a blast... I really believe this and I've seen it happen time after time. I think retirement is basically, you're saying you wanna die. And I think, you know, for me, for someone like me, I retire, I might as well just say I want to like, I'm gonna be dead because my brain works with activity.

My 83-year-old father can bench press 225 pounds

Poolside [Mark's dad] is still 83 years old. I betcha he could get a couple reps with 225. 83 years old, 225... The dude is like, he'll send a picture... he's on top of a ladder on the front end loader at 83 years old, fixing a light bulb.

Jeffrey Epstein was definitely a CIA asset running a honey pot operation

I'm fully, I have Alex Jones myself on, on the whole Epstein situation because I know if you, if you connect all the dots, the dude was working for the CIA. ... He cultivated all these different networks of people... befriending the most powerful people in the world got them in a honey pot operation... And he was working for the CIA as well on their payroll.

The first person to live to 200 years old has already been born

They think the first person to live to 200 has already been born. There have been studies that have been done. No, Big Cat, you didn't read the studies that I read.

Gillie Da King could run a sub-5.0 second 40-yard dash

I think he could break a five-flat 40. I really do.

Winning the Masters will eventually be worth over $1 billion to Hideki Matsuyama

Andy North kept saying to me, you cannot comprehend the amount of pressure that's on this young man's shoulders... He's like, this is worth a billion dollars to him... This guy's 29 years old. He's got to have, you know, give him 40 years of being able to be, I'm the Masters champion in Japan. He's like, you could be a nine figure a year guy... David Duval... told me this morning, he goes, look, that's not, that's not crazy at all. He said, it might be conservative.

The NBA's consideration of expansion to Seattle is primarily driven by the need for billions in expansion fees

The truth is they need money. And if they expand again, it's about a billion dollars a franchise... They're talking about, 'Oh, should we put more Jersey patches on stuff like that to make up the extra revenue they're not getting from ticket sales?' The Seattle SuperSonics coming back, that would be a hell of a Jersey patch. You would definitely rake in the cash.

I am one of the best in the world at predicting Dave Portnoy's pizza review scores

I feel like I'm one of the best in the world at predicting what Dave is going to rate a pizza... I'm nasty like it's just it's crazy. Like I picked this so many times... I would put money up if we want to do that one day.

I can swim 100 yards underwater and hold my breath for 5 minutes

[Billy Football's question] was how far can you swim underwater... 100 yards. You can? Yeah. [And] how long can you stay underwater if you're not moving? I don't know. Maybe around five minutes.

I could break 100 on the golf course playing left-handed

I don't know if I broke a hundred, that'd be pretty good. I'd be happy, pretty satisfied... I can hit it pretty far. I think I hit it like the driver... somewhere, I mean the guy hit it like 300 yards [left-handed].

Billy Mitchell is an assistant who talks in the third person to reporters

Shawn Jones is definitely Billy, right? Talking the third person. That's absolutely it's an assistant that Billy made up like Trump made up John Baron back in the 80s to like talk to reporters and shit.

Climate change will cause the earth to fry in the next 100 years

Climate change is real and the earth is basically going to fry in the next hundred years... Or less. For sure going to happen.

Human civilization is highly likely to end by the year 2050

So good old science came out with a report today, and it said that it's highly likely that human civilization will end in 2050.

I would take a catch challenge against any mortal because my hands are still elite

My hands are still very, very good. I'm willing to get in any type of catch challenge with any mortal.

I could beat a grizzly bear in a hot dog eating competition

Michael Phelps is racing against a great white shark. Can Joey Chestnut beat a grizzly bear in a hot dog eating competition? [Joey Chestnut]: Yeah, I could do it... I think I have the capacity to do it. I think the bear would start to wonder what's going on.

Louisville has scored 69 points more than any other program in tournament history

Louisville has scored 69 points in NCAA tournament more than any other program in the country... I swear to God, that's a fact. And then it gets even better... the program that has won the most games in college basketball history that has never scored 69 in the tournament is BYU.

Urban Meyer buys fake Twitter followers

Jim Harbaugh and Urban Meyer, I guess, are buying fake followers. I would definitely think Urban Meyer is buying fake followers. Jim Harbaugh, someone in the Michigan office is doing that. Urban Meyer definitely – I mean like I said, he fakes other things.

I can chug a gallon of milk and run a mile in 10 minutes

[PFT asks if he could do the milk mile] Yeah, I could do that. I wouldn't run that quickly, but I'd probably finish right about 10 minutes.

I can probably still dunk on a 10-foot goal

[Can you still dunk?] You mean on a 10-foot goal? Yes. Probably not... Yeah, I mean, yeah I could. I could.