Takes

The claim that I ran Kevin Durant out of Golden State is closer to the truth than the claim that I begged him to join the team.

The one that is probably closest to the truth is I ran [Kevin Durant] out of town... Because I'm not begging anyone for this... I don't quite know if I ran him myself. But I'll take that one.

The Chiefs are more 'dead' for the future than the Cowboys

I think it's the Chiefs. I think it's the Chiefs for the now and for like the immediate future... They're $32 million over the cap for next year. How do you rebuild the offensive line... The defense has fallen off the face of the earth... I just think like this is a, a little bit, I don't know if it's just a snap my fingers and all of a sudden we're back... where it's like, if you're Dallas offensive line's really good and cheap, the the receivers are ridiculous.

James Franklin is leaving Penn State to become the head coach at Virginia Tech

James Franklin is using the Penn State private jet to move to Blacksburg... I am so pumped that of course. That's the other reason why a jet would go there... I do think that [James Franklin] is gonna be the next coach... somewhere else next year.

Indiana can win the National Championship this year

I think Indiana is as—I think they can win a national championship. I really do. The, the, my question for them... is health and injury... If they're healthy, they're really good.

CJ Stroud will suffer a significant regression in his second season

I think CJ [Stroud] is going to regress even more. Even more... I just think he's going to regress even more. And you know what really bothered me about him... when he big brothered Caleb [Williams] last year.

The Patriots will be the best team on this podcast

I think we're gonna be the best team on this podcast. I dunno if I've said that yet. [Better than] the Bucks, the Eagles and the Commanders.

The Broncos have one of the five best rosters in football and are Super Bowl contenders

I think the Broncos are, are amazing. Like they, they have one of the five best rosters in football... I think they're Super Bowl contenders... They're a division contender.

The Anthony Richardson experience in Indianapolis might already be over

Anthony Richardson is hurt another shoulder injury to the quarterback... I feel like this could be Daniel Jones... I just feel like the Anthony Richardson experience might be over.

Sean McDermott and Joe Brady committed coaching malpractice by running the tush push repeatedly.

What was really bullshit is the fact that Sean McDermott and Joe Brady decided to keep running the same play that the Chiefs were clearly ready for all game. And that was the tush push that they didn't even do correctly. They don't even push. They just rammed Josh Allen in the line. That was coaching malpractice in my eyes.

Caleb Williams should have used his leverage to force the Bears to decide on Matt Eberflus before the draft

If you're a quarterback like Caleb, like Shadur coming out, and you have the power to tell a team, I need you to make a decision on your coach. All I was suggesting he do is say, I need to know what you're doing with the coach. So I don't come into a situation where the structure is bad. And now he's gonna be sitting there second head coach. Third offensive coordinator.

If the Eagles beat the Bengals, they are winning the Super Bowl

If we win this one though, I'm all the way back. Okay. If, if we win this one, I'm thinking soupy.

Pepper jack cheese is white, not yellow

Pepper jack is white dude. It's all white, red and green. You picked a white cheese. If pepper jack's not yellow then no cheese should have been allowed.

Aaron Rodgers might run for Vice President with RFK Jr.

Aaron Rodgers might run for Vice President... He's being considered and is considering the opportunity right now. Mr. Kennedy confirmed on Tuesday that the two men [Rodgers and Jesse Ventura] were at the top of his list.

The Patriots will make the Super Bowl in the next four years

I owe [PFT] $20,000 [if the Patriots don't make the Super Bowl in the next 5 years]. ... You're down one year already. You got four years left. ... New coach. Top three pick. ... Look how fast the Lions did it. ... There's a path.

The Eagles will lose in the first round of the playoffs

My overly direct take of the weekend is that the Eagles are gonna lose the first round of the playoffs. ... I was watching the defense. Defense wins championships. And the Eagles defense doesn't exist.

Florida State shouldn't automatically be in the playoff just because they are undefeated

The loss of Jordan Travis to me is pretty significant... We live in an era where it's like, okay, they're undefeated, so they're in because they're in a Power five. I just don't do that. I'm really big on the best four teams... If you think Florida State's one of the best teams with Tate Rodemaker, then that's no problem. But I'm just not big on, they're undefeated so we have to put 'em in.

The Yankees should extend both Aaron Boone and Brian Cashman

I think they should extend Aaron Boone. Yeah. I think he's the steady hand and Cashman. I think Aaron Boone is a steady hand that the Yankees need to control their franchise. ... We official vote of confidence as they should extend both of them. Yes.

Philadelphia fans giving Trea Turner a standing ovation is strategic and genius

Philly being the big sports town that they are... rallied together and said instead of booing [Trea Turner], we're going to give him a standing ovation every time he gets to the plate... all of our boos are strategic... that's just like us being a very smart sports town and knowing that.

I am not moving to Chicago with the rest of the show

I will not be moving to Chicago. Kind of been in denial about it. It sucks to say there are various parts of my life that I keep private that impacted this decision. I hope you guys respect the decision. Please just remember that I am the only one who can weigh all the factors that impact my life.

Miami will upset Houston and make the Final Four

Hot Take Miami can beat them. Ooh. And I'm gonna be the one guy that picks Miami to win... Miami is a bad matchup for Houston... I am going to go out on a limb and pick them. Wow. Because I think I, I don't trust Houston's offense.

The 2023 Final Four will have no #1 or #2 seeds

It would not shock me if when we get to Houston for the final four, if there's no one and two seeds in the final four.

Nebraska is going to land the #1 recruit for 2024, Dylan Raiola

I think we're gonna land him. Really? Yeah. Number one recruit 2024. His last name's Raiola... I think ultimately what I'm saying is... in my gut, I think that's the, that's the centerpiece of Nebraska.

Brock Purdy is a better quarterback than Tom Brady right now

Brock, I be honest with you, if you, if you were to take one quarterback right now for the rest of the season, if you were putting together like a stretch run. Yeah. Would you rather have Brock Purdy or Tom Brady right now? ... he is way better than Tom Brady right now. Well, he, Tom Brady stinks right now.

I will cut off the tip of my pinky if the Raiders win the Super Bowl

The Raiders are officially my pinky team. I don't know if we're gonna clap. We clapping for that? I guess. So if the Raiders win the Super Bowl, I will cut off the tip of my pinky. I was through the half, I was like, the Cardinals are the greatest pinky team.

Oxygen is a universally loved thing

Something we all take for granted... Oxygen. Everyone loves oxygen and especially, hey, we've all been carrying stuff around altitude... If you didn't have oxygen, you would die. Do you love breathing? You want to breathe. If I took you out to the water and drowned you... you gotta succeed as much as you want to breathe.

Nuclear-powered 'air cruises' are fake and would definitely crash

It's a plane cruise. Yeah. It's like a massive, massive, massive, bigger than whatever name like four aircraft carriers... 20 electric engines powered by nuclear fusion. I'm just going to say this. If this is real, I will absolutely laugh when it crashes and everyone dies. There's no way to test fly this until you actually make the real thing.

There will be a quarterback controversy in New England where Bailey Zappe challenges Mac Jones

Maddie. Think about this magic Mack Jones gets benched for Bailey. ... I think there's going to be a court quarterback controversy in new England. That we're is going to actually like really tank them. I'm just saying why they draft Bailey just saying,

Unspayed ferrets will die if they do not get pregnant

Unspayed ferrets will die if they don't get pregnant. Die of stress.

I bet my pinky the Indianapolis Colts will not win the Super Bowl

The Indianapolis Colts will not win the Super bowl. And if they do, I'll cut off the tip of my pinky.

Tim Tebow signing with the Jaguars is a 'big joke' and he can't play tight end

This is an interesting signing, and it's a stupid signing. And I will absolutely say that this is a big joke because he can't play. He couldn't play quarterback. He was a terrible quarterback. He hasn't played since 2012. He's going to be 34 years old, and he has no suddenness to his game. He can't play tight end.

I am going to 'skull fuck' Jose Canseco in our fight

I'm going to skull fuck him. ... I'm absolutely going to skull fuck him. No doubt. He's tiny. I mean, yeah, he looks big. He's 270 pounds. But I just care about the frame. He has a smaller frame than I thought.

Drew Brees is the most washed player in NFL history

Drew Brees... I probably think he's the most washed person of all time.

Kliff Kingsbury is a failure who has succeeded solely because he is attractive

Kliff Kingsbury. Are we sure he's good? It's kind of amazing when you look back at Kliff Kingsbury's entire resume and you realize like, oh, attractive people do really run this world. If you are a good looking guy and you can walk into a meeting and wow someone, you can fail upwards all the way. Kliff Kingsbury was 35 and 40 as the head coach at Texas Tech. He had two winning seasons out of six... Kliff Kingsbury, not very good.

I will retire if Christian Yelich ever gets caught doing steroids

I will retire if Christian Yelich ever gets caught doing steroids. Boom. Oh man, I can't get insurance plan out on that. Nope, that would be great.

I will get Kevin Durant on the podcast before my 36th birthday

I will say if we don't get Kevin Durant on this podcast in our age of 35, cancel my birthday next year. I'll just stay 35 forever.

We are 'all fucked' because of the coronavirus

The coronavirus is active. It is live. It's over in China right now. They've shut down cities. They've quarantined entire cities... And I've seen the movie Outbreak recently. So I just think we're all fucked.

Scoring a high amount of points is a curse that prevents winning championships

Scoring points is bad, and you should actually be bad on offense... The 12 highest scoring teams in NFL history have zero championships. Zero. That's good enough for me. Zero championships. Scoring points is bad. You do not want to score points.

The 7th PLL expansion team will be named the Waterdogs

The Waterdogs are going to be the name. I'm excited for it... Go Waterdogs.

I use Microsoft Excel for everything, including writing poems and drawing pictures

I do everything in Excel. Everything in Excel. I draw pictures in Excel. Excel is the first thing I learned, and I've stayed with it. I'm a disciple of Excel... You can format the cell and do three to four lines or six. They can overlap. It's a very versatile piece of software.

Bran Stark will become the King of Westeros

Bran comes down from Winterfell, stands up out of his wheelchair, and raises his arms and shows he's the true Night King... but I think it's Bran. But it's Bran just because all the betting sites are like Bran.

Bran Stark will be the one sitting on the Iron Throne at the conclusion of Game of Thrones.

I think it's got to be Bran [to win the Iron Throne].

I will keep making the pinky bet until I actually lose the tip of my pinky

I'm addicted to it, and next year I'm going to pick a team to cut my pinky off if they win the Super Bowl. ... I will not stop this bet until I cut off the tip of my pinky.

Carson Wentz is 'damaged goods' and will get hurt again

I said [to WIP radio], Mahomes, then Goff, then Wentz, because Wentz is damaged goods. And he's got the torn ACL, and he plays with reckless abandon. He's going to get hurt again. That's just the way it is.

Michael Rapoport suing Barstool over herpes allegations will trigger the Streisand effect

Rappaport claims Barstool engaged in a campaign to discredit and embarrass him, including accusing him of having herpes. The actor wants to make it clear in legal documents that he does not have herpes... I would tell everyone to please Google the Streisand effect and then laugh at the whole thing.

I'll eat a cow dick if the Raiders make the playoffs

We'll eat a cow dick if the Raiders make the playoffs. Spread that mayo all over it. Yeah, we'll eat a cow dick if the Raiders make the playoffs.

Donald Trump is officially on the stance of Joe Flacco being elite — he won a Super Bowl, so he'd say he's pretty elite

Donald Trump has also weighed in on the Joe Flacco elite debate. Somebody asked him that back in 2016, and his answer was he won a Super Bowl, so I'd say he's pretty elite. So yes, Joe Flacco — [Trump] is now officially on the stance of Joe Flacco being elite.

I went from a 110-golfer to shooting an 80 in just four weeks to win a $550K bet

I had a year to shoot 80. Well, I got a month to go, and I still can't break 105... with a week to spare, yours truly shot the 80 and sent it to the ATM... In four weeks, I did that.

Patrick Mahomes would have been the target for the Saints at pick 11 in 2017

Mahomes certainly would have been a target at 11 [in the 2017 NFL Draft]... Mahomes certainly would have been a target at 11.

The Washington Capitals are better this year because they are actually worse than last year

The Washington Capitals, they are better this year because they're actually worse than they were last year, okay? ... The fact that the Capitals are not as good, they're not as deep... It means that they're winning ugly is what I'm getting at. ... we've tried being by far the best team talent-wise. That hasn't worked. So let's give it a shot being a little bit shittier than them.

The Chargers will be the best team to not make the playoffs this season

I'm taking the Chargers, minus four, the best team to not make the playoffs. ... I stand by that. They have an unbelievable pass rush. Phil Rivers, they almost win every single game. They're going to be the best team that doesn't make the playoffs.