Takes

Pardon My Take's video content will be exclusive to Netflix starting in January 2026

Major news. ... in 2026, January, we don't have the exact date, but we have come to a deal with Netflix. So, Pardon My Take is going to be on Netflix. ... the podcast video will be exclusively on Netflix. ... literally nothing is changing [for listeners].

If the Chiefs lose to the Colts this Sunday, they will miss the playoffs

If the Chiefs lose to the Colts this Sunday, they're missing the playoffs. Period. Point blank. It's just math. ... This will be the first step into them basically kind of the dynasty crumbling because if they lose to the Colts, I'm telling you right now, you can book it. They're not making the playoffs.

The Kansas City Chiefs will miss the playoffs

Memes, did you say that maybe the Chiefs won't make the playoffs? I did. You wanna stand on that? Sure. Okay. Chiefs won't make the playoffs. Oh, you're saying the Chiefs won't make the playoffs. Whoa.

The Patriots' ceiling is a Super Bowl appearance if they beat the Bills

I would like to put Super Bowl appearance. Asterisk... I think we're gonna shock the world this Sunday and then anything's possible.

The Texans are officially my Pinky Team and I don't think they can win the Super Bowl

The Texans are officially be my Pinky team... I will cut the tip of my pinky off of the Texans win the Super Bowl. That's a, that's a fair. And I don't even think, yeah. I hate the pinky bet. Yeah. I don't understand. I don't understand thrilling.

The Chiefs will miss the playoffs this year

Chiefs are not making the playoffs.

Game 7 is a legacy game for the Thunder and Thunder Princess

I'm calling it tonight. This is a legacy game. Game seven for Thunder and Thunder Princess. This is what it's all about. ... If the Thunder win this game seven, then they're gonna have to answer questions for the rest of their lives about how they tarnished their legacy with this NBA championship.

The horse Mystik Dan (Sovereignty) is a 'beta' and a pussy for skipping the Preakness

I'm saying I'm gonna prank call sovereignty. I we should harass this horse. This is a beta horse. This is what happens. It's a horse that's been coddled its entire life... accomplished one thing... This horse is a fucking pussy.

I am betting against LSU because they are using a fake Mike the Tiger on the sidelines

It appears that they are now bringing a tiger back onto their sidelines... it seems like it might be a fake mike, the tiger that they're putting on the sidelines, because people took pictures... and they compared the stripes and they think that it's a duplicate Mike. It's a fake Mike the tiger... in which case I am going to be betting against LSU.

The upcoming Giants vs. Panthers game in Germany is 'revenge' for World War II.

On Sunday, November 10th, there is a game being played in Munich, Germany. Between the Giants and the Panthers. We're finally even for World War II. We got 'em back.

I will cut off the tip of my pinky if the Falcons win the Super Bowl

Falcons are not winning the Super Bowl. Guaranteed. Falcons are not winning the Super Bowl. That's, I I believe it end the season. Tip of the pinky. If the Falcons somehow win this game on Monday night, I have to also have the Rams.

Deshaun Watson is a disgusting human being who also happens to stink at quarterback

Either he is the victim of the biggest, most coordinated, most ruthless smear campaign against an individual maybe in the history of sports, or he's a disgusting human being who should be in jail. Either way he stinks at quarterback.

Pandas are dumb as shit and terrible parents

Pandas. They're dumb as shit. They will hand you, you could google this, if you go to a panda in captivity and it has a baby... and you put out an apple, it will hand you its baby and take the apple. Swear to God, nobody talks about this. They're dumb as shit. They're mean, they're terrible parents. Bad moms.

Florida State won't win another game until the fan who promised to eat dog shit actually does it

Coward, coward deleted his account. You gotta follow now that, listen, they're not gonna win any more games until this guy eats the dog shit out. That's facts. That's how it works.

Jaden Daniels' absolute minimum level of play will be Josh Allen

My biggest fear now is that Jaden Daniels is gonna be so goddamn good and that Jaden Daniels is gonna be awesome. Like I'm talking Joe Burrow, I'm talking Josh Allen. ... I'd say minimum, minimum Josh Allen.

I psyched out Waka Flocka Flame by showing him my testicles during the Beer Olympics

I showed my testicles to Waka Flocka Flame and psyched them out. So that's, that's a major dub that did happen. He got so freaked out by my nuts. He was like, what the fuck is that? I, I did the old trick of, oops, I slipped in and fell in some gum. Didn't know what to do with it. Got him.

I am picking UConn, North Carolina, Arizona, Gonzaga, Purdue, Marquette, Houston, Duke, Creighton, and Tennessee to all win the National Championship.

Yukon is going to win the National Championship. Also going to win the national Championship: UNC is gonna win the national Championship. Arizona's gonna win the national Championship. Gonzaga is gonna win it. Purdue is going to win the National Championship... Marquette's going to win... Houston's gonna win... and also Duke.

I lied about destroying Vanny Woodhead; I have been keeping it for years

Technically it's destroyed. Legally it's chopped up. But I kind of... I didn't have the heart to chop it up, so I just been keeping it... I was like, every time it was an excuse I used to not follow through with chopping it up.

I am no longer interested in the Commanders hiring Bill Belichick because he is now unemployed

I don't think I'm interested any longer at Bill Belichick because now that he doesn't have a team, it's like, do I really want to... he was way more attractive as a candidate when he had a job. Now it's like, oh, this unemployed guy wants to work for me... I don't want a retread like Belichick.

The Bills are incapable of winning a Super Bowl under Sean McDermott after the 9/11 motivational speech revelation

Everything I said about the bills winning the super Bowl I'm throwing out... I'm gonna say you can't win a super Bowl if, if that happened. I'm gonna agree with that. I'm gonna go, you know what? So everything we said, we we're no more glazing... Glaze has been removed on this podcast.

I used to make up sideline reports if a coach wouldn't give me anything at halftime

I would make up the report sometimes because A, the coach wouldn't come out at halftime or it was too late and I was like, I didn't wanna screw up the report. So I was like, I'm just gonna make this up because first of all, no coach is gonna get mad if I say, Hey we need to kill, stop hurting ourselves. We need to be better on third down.

I did not see anything supernatural on the plane

I did not see anything. What I mean, I think y'all knew that. No I did not... I got a bit of an altercation. It spiraled outta control... It was an expression of speech. I just was in my fields needed to get off that. I was highly distressed. Not a good look.

The Eagles' Kelly Green jerseys are worth an extra seven points on the field

I've done the computer models, everything that I, I've, I've put into the numbers, crunched 'em all. I think that Kelly Green Jerseys are worth seven points. Seven Points.

The Broncos will bench Russell Wilson and he has played himself out of a Hall of Fame career

Russell Wilson stinks. He turtles so fast in the pocket. He threw for 95 yards. It was never close. I think they might bench Russell Wilson. He's played himself out of a Hall of Fame career as well.

Brock Purdy is a top five quarterback in the NFL

My overly direct take... Brock Purdy this year is a top five quarterback in the NFL. I like it. Top five. I think he's number five in the NFL right now... If he gets to a Super Bowl, I'm gonna say it. Brock Purdy might be elite.

Miami's loss to Georgia Tech is the literal worst loss of all time.

Miami maybe the worst loss of all time. The literal worst loss of all time. Mario Cristobal with 35 seconds left, ran the ball instead of kneeing the ball. ... Incomprehensible.

Justin Fields is not the guy and the era is officially over

It's over. It's over... The Justin Fields era. It's over. He's not the guy. It, it's, it's bad. He, It's probably the most disheartening, heartbreaking realization to be like, I put all my blind faith into this... I now officially think it's over. He doesn't seem like he's seeing the field well. I know the offensive line sucks, but again, it's Justin Fields. Like he has not made any of the steps forward that you wanted as a passer.

The Bears are going to suck for the rest of my life and the Packers will be good

This is probably the lowest I've felt in a very, very long time. Yeah, that was terrible. Terrible, terrible, terrible. I, it's the same as it ever was. I am, I'm living in the worst version of Groundhogs Day possible. I had all the hope, all the expectations. I knew the defense was gonna suck. So I'm not that surprised that Jordan Love looked good. ... but yeah, that was really, really bad. And everything I was hoping for, I know it's a long season, but it feels like it's, the Bears are just gonna suck for the rest of my life. And the Packers are gonna be good for the rest of my life and there's nothing I can do about it.

I will cut off a testicle if the Miami Hurricanes lose to Miami of Ohio

My hundred percent lock. I I will, I will cut off a testicle if Miami doesn't win that game.

I will relinquish my integrity and have a testicle removed if the Nuggets don't win the 2023 NBA Finals.

I will give up all my integrity. I will relinquish my integrity as a sports journalist. As a dean of the SJL, I will give that all up and... I will get a ball removed. I'll get a ball removed cosmetically if the Nuggets don't win.

PFT and I are doing a tattoo bet on the Bears vs. Commanders Week 5 game

Pft, the bears and commanders play week five Thursday night football. ... We should make it a tattoo bet. ... Tattoo bet for week five. Thursday night football. ... I'm in.

Kirk Cousins' Pro Bowl victory proves he can win big games

Kirk Cousins leads NFC to a comeback. So there you go. All the haters that say Kirk Cousins can't win a big game. He just won the Pro Bowl Flag Football challenge.

Brandon Staley should be fired as a 'war criminal' for his coaching performance.

I think that Brandon Staley should be tried for war crimes as a war criminal. I think that it's a disgusting act. What I saw in the entire second half of that game and the fact that everybody saw it coming... the fact that Brandon Staley is so fucking stupid.

Weather is not real and the Bills vs. Dolphins game will go over the total

Hank weather isn't real. Also over 44... This is going way over. I'm a big believer in, it's one thing I know... Saturday night. Great game weather doesn't matter. This is going way over.

I played an entire month of the 2020 season with appendicitis and didn't tell anyone

I woke up in the middle of the night sweating, shivering, my stomach hurts so bad... I can't tell anybody about this. I just signed a contract extension, like I have to play... Played in the game on Sunday and then I told the team Wednesday... they're like, oh yeah, you have appendicitis. Like you, you've had it for a week... I basically had appendicitis for the first month of the season and the antibiotics made it go away.

Nathaniel Hackett might be the worst NFL head coach ever

I am saying he's the worst coach ever. Nathaniel Hackett would understand, like, we've been very nice. You fucked up a lot... Hey, Nathaniel Hackett, like to show that we're friends, I'm gonna be like, 'Hey dude, you might be the worst coach of all time.'

I will get Kirk Cousins' face tattooed on my ass if the Vikings win the Super Bowl

I'm gonna get Kirk Cousins' face tattoo on my ass if they win the Super Bowl... I will do the, I was wrong tattoo. If they get to the Super Bowl... I'll also convert to whatever denomination of Christianity Kirk Cousins is.

I’m officially retiring from the NFL unless someone offers me a two-year, $15 million contract

I quietly, I didn't tell anybody I retired. Just didn't tell anyone... I guess you guys are kind of the first to hear it publicly... I've officially retired... [unless] two for 15 million. I'd be there in a heartbeat.

I will get shot in the ass with a bow and arrow if the Bears win the Super Bowl

I also will get shot in the ass. If the bears were the Superbowl this year, I'll let Jake shoot me with a bone arrow.

Albert Einstein is an idiot because he married his first cousin

Einstein. Smartest guy alive, fucking married his cousin. What a foe... he F fucked his cousin. That makes no sense... He's not that smart. In my opinion. He's an idiot... he was like, yeah, you're not this isn't too incestuous enough for me. I need some fucking [cousin].

Ime Udoka is the best at laying pipe among NBA coaches

You look at the Celtics Ime Udoka lays pipe better than any of these motherfuckers. Feels like he could spoil shit and he goes down. Yeah. She knows that he's not the whole package though.

Reds fans should defecate in the Toyota Tundra at the stadium to protest the owner

A Reds fan posted yesterday saying... 'I will be scaling the wall to defecate in the bed of the Toyota Tundra.' I just liked that Reds fans are fighting back. This is how you fight... maybe it will make people go shit in their trucks.

Troy Vincent leaked false information to Chris Mortensen to create the Deflategate narrative

We outed the source for Chris Mortensen's report that 11 to 12 footballs were two pounds underinflated... That was false information that was given to him by Troy Vincent, from the NFL office. We report that in Playmakers.

Aaron Rodgers' new contract with the Packers is a bust if he doesn't win three of the next four Super Bowls

I think that if Aaron Rogers doesn't win three out of the four next Superbowl's, this contract is kind of a bust. If it is, if it is 50 million, if he is the highest paid player in the history of the NFL... you would assume that the highest paid player ever would also be a player capable of leading you to dynasty.

I will cut off the tip of my pinky if the Colts win the Super Bowl

I've seen some people being like, you're not actually going to do it. First of all, it's the tip of my pinky. It's the nail up. Second of all, it's essentially like a tattoo... The Colts started 0-3 in 2021, and they won the Super Bowl. It will suck, but I will do it.

Arthur Smith cannot be a successful coach because he has no chin

I don't know if you can win football games with no chin. I would be looking at him if he tried to coach me up, I'd be like, dude, you gotta no chin.

Coach K will do a farewell tour starting next season

Tate [Frazier] put it in my ear that Coach K is going to do a farewell tour this year... He definitely has sources. He has people that said there's a plan in place. He said it out loud, and I listened to him make the case, and I was like, that makes a ton of sense.

Tim Tebow has a 0% chance of making the Jaguars roster

Zero [percent chance]. Zero. I'd go even lower if I could go.

More than 80% of Major League pitchers doctor the baseball in some way

What percentage of non-athletics pitchers in general do you think are doctoring the ball in some way, shape, or form? I would say probably somewhere in the north of 80%... In terms of guys that just like that would use pine tar or something of that nature.

I shot my own finger off because I was cleaning four guns at once

Cleaning four guns at once. Very quickly.