Takes

The Denver Broncos would have beaten the Patriots if Bo Nix had started

[Big Cat]: If Bo Nix starts that game, do you think the Broncos win? [PFT]: Yeah. [Big Cat]: Yeah. It's safe to say Bo Nix would've bojangled fried these guys.

The Yankees changed their facial hair policy specifically for Juan Soto

This might have been part of Juan Soto's contract. What's the free agent class coming up? Maybe there's something there.

The next 'Moneyball' is figuring out how to keep pitchers healthy

Figuring out how to keep pitchers healthy is the holy grail of Major League baseball. And the first team that can truly figure out how to do it is going to win championships because of it. Now the problem is, I don't know if that's an achievable goal.

The upcoming election cycle will swing the comedy pendulum back toward censorship and sensitivity

I think this election's gonna swing it back. It'll go back to being [sensitive]. It'll go back... It's gonna get hot on the streets.

The Taco Bell Cheez-It Crunchwrap will be elite

Let me just say that The Cheez-It Crunchwrap looks elite. Yes. It looks, I without tasting it, I can tell you that's probably on my Mount Rushmore of Taco Bell Foods.

If the Giants only have two wins going into November, they will be the best two-win team in the NFL

If they only have two wins going into November, I think the Giants will be the best two-win team in the entire NFL going into November.

If a player has a baby during an NFL week, they are guaranteed a touchdown

If a player has a baby during the week, if they become a dad during the week, if they're an offensive skill position player, they always get a touchdown. If it's a backup tight end, if it's like a, a number three wide receiver, just know that going into Monday at football, if they become a father that week, they're getting a fucking touchdown.

The F1 Las Vegas Grand Prix will be the biggest sporting event in the world in 2023

I think it's gonna be the biggest sporting event globally this year. I really do. I think that the interest and the hype around that race, I mean, a Saturday night race down the strip in Vegas, who doesn't wanna be there?

The NFL's new 'wobble rule' will lead to players staying on the ground to avoid being spotted

This is so classic NFL because now every single coach is gonna teach their players: Just stay down for an extra second. Get yourself together and then stand up or have a lineman that goes and picks them up and like holds them for a second so they can't visible wobble.

Patrick Mahomes would lead the Texans to the playoffs right now

The reality is, I think if you put Patrick Mahomes on the worst team in the league, I think they make the playoffs. Yeah, I think he's that good. I think he is. If he, if Pat, if you took Patrick Mahomes right now and put him on the Texans... they probably make the playoffs.

I would shoot a 13 on the 18th hole at Augusta if I was lucky

I think I'd go 13. I would, I documented I'd slice it into the woods. I would hit it into a tree... piece of shit, one good shot. Then I'd just go bunker, bunker, maybe like, like a, sorry, a sand wedge that I can't hit for shit for five yards. Then another one on then I'd put like five times 13.

I could record two points and a rebound in an NBA game

That was the thing on the, on the team plane home one year or one flight, we said, I can get you two points in, in a rebound in NBA game. You could? Yeah, I think I could, but rebound, the rebound would be tough.

The conversion rate of fourth downs will decrease as defenses get used to teams going for it more often

Will the chances of converting [fourth down] decrease as defenses are used to you going forward on fourth down. It used to be you would go for it on fourth down, maybe once a game, maybe that was your best play in your playbook. Now you go forward on fourth, down four times a game. It has to, it can't be as high of a percentage like it's going to decrease. Eventually.

I am going to watch sports on Sunday without gambling on anything

I got like a little bit of bad news... I'm going to watch sports on Sunday without gambling on any of them. So I have responsibly reached the end of my allocated fund for myself that I had through November.

The year 2022 is going to be sick

I think that 20, 22 is going to be sick.

Darren Rovell is only challenging PFT to a fight for the engagement and would weasel out of a real match

My first thought when I saw him say he would fight for $2 million is that Darren Rovell would get in the ring and literally sprint around for three minutes straight... And then as everyone called him a coward, he'd be like, whatever... I'm $2 million richer. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Michael Jordan will make LaVar Ball cry when they finally play one-on-one

Oh, that is awkward that [LaMelo Ball] is going to Charlotte and LaVar Ball said that he can beat Michael Jordan one-on-one. I mean, they've got to play one-on-one. They have to play one-on-one. And Michael Jordan will make LaVar Ball cry.

The sighting of a white spirit bear in Canada is a sign of good things to come

Cool throne all of us because there was a white spirit bear spotted in Canada, which is a sign of good things to come. Yeah, so cool throne all of us. White bears are here. Yeah, like it's a phenotype of a Grizzly where it has white fur. Hell yeah.

The 1998 Bulls definitely would have won a 7th championship if they had stayed together

the ending obviously broke my heart because it's like they definitely would have won a seventh in my mind. That was the lockout year, so they would have had a lot of – they would have had a lot of rest. They wouldn't have had to start for a long time... If they had brought it back for another year, it would be tough to think that anyone would have beaten them.

Shaquille O'Neal and Penny Hardaway would have won at least two or three championships if they stayed together in Orlando

I would say at least two or three championships. People have forgotten about Penny Hardaway—6'7, 6'8 like a Magic Johnson who can shoot the ball, very athletic. His IQ was off the chart when it came to basketball.

Dayton would have beaten Kansas to win the National Championship this year

I think they can beat Kansas... having a rematch with the national player of the year the national Coach of the Year a mid-major. When's the last time I made major won a national championship? It's been a long time.

Michigan State's hypothetical run would have ended with Tom Izzo and Cassius Winston winning it all against a nobody

I feel like they would have it feel like a fanfic for Michigan State would have had them playing complete nobody came and coming out of nowhere in the finals. So it would have even been a memorable final except for Izzo and Cassius Winston.

Stephen A. Smith will be extra spicy because of his apple cider vinegar cleanse

Stephen A. Smith just announced that he's going on a seven-day apple cider vinegar cleanse... He's going to be on a First Take just with a mouth tasting like all kinds of soy sauce... and he's going to have an empty belly. He's going to be sweating... a hungry dog runs faster.

The husband starting the magician restaurant is going to go bankrupt

Guess what? You're opening a magician's restaurant and you're putting all your life savings into it and your kids aren't going to college because their dad is going to be opening a magician's restaurant that's probably going to be pretty sweet until you go bankrupt like three months into it.

Alabama could beat the Dolphins if they had Tom Brady and Bill Belichick

Hank, could Alabama beat the Dolphins if they had Tom Brady as a quarterback? Tom Brady as a quarterback, Belichick as the other coach... [Hank]: Yes. With that type of strategy, like give him two weeks to prepare... Yeah.

The guy who looks successful at 23 will be the first to have a midlife crisis

The dude that is looking like they have their shit put together when they're 23, 24 years old, that's the guy that hits the midlife crisis first. That's the guy that wants to get away from it because he grew up too fast.

Christian Yelich will ruin his swing if he participates in the Home Run Derby

Real talk. It's going to mess up his swing if he competes in the home run derby... You're going to fuck up your swing.

If Kevin Durant and LeBron James switched teams, the Warriors would still sweep the Finals

I think the Warriors win the title and sweep in the finals.

The US Men's National Team would have had a strong showing in the World Cup if they had qualified

I believe that we would have had a strong showing in the World Cup had we qualified for it and not lost to Trinidad and Tobago, based on the results of this friendly [against France].

Big Cat should buy Bitcoin, but PFT Commenter should stay away

Should you buy Bitcoin? I would say for Big Cat, I'd say for sure do it. For PFT, I would say not a good idea for you right now.

Grit Week 2018 will be the best one of all time

Grit Week starts this weekend. I don't want to get ahead of ourselves, but it's the best Grit Week of all time. A lot of people are saying it's the most attractive, the best. It's tremendous. It's a tremendous, tremendous great week.

Week 3 is the week we officially find out which NFL teams are frauds

There's a lot of frauds. And week three is who we find out. That's when we know who the frauds are.

Aaron Rodgers will eventually jump to the 4th or 5th best quarterback ever

I actually, well, a year ago, I put Aaron Rodgers as number 10 right above Bart Starr. And so I have him as number 10. But Rodgers is 10 right now, and I think he's probably going to jump up to, like, 5 or 4.

Jeff Fisher would have broken the all-time loss record if he hadn't been fired

[Speaking of the all-time loss record] Absolutely. He was [going to get it].

The punter 'hype bubble' will crash within two weeks

I feel like with those three guys [Hecker, McAfee, King], we're entering a punt bubble. It's unsustainable. Punters can't continue to be cool for the next three weeks. There's got to be a crash in there somewhere. So I'm predicting a punter's going to look really uncool... I'm going to go way out on a limb and say that a punter's going to do something dorky in the next couple weeks.

Russell Wilson's sex with Ciara on their wedding night will be fast and furious because of his long celibacy

Russell has not had sex in a long time. He's not going to be, how shall we put, he's not going to be gentle with you. He's not going to last long. Silver lining. Spin zone. It's going to be fast. It's going to be furious. It's not going to be fun. Russell is going to be having sex like somebody who can get shot at any time.

LeBron James would have entertained leaving Cleveland if they had lost the 2016 Finals

I think if he didn't win the title... You know, you can put a lot of different scenarios together. I think he probably would have thought about leaving. I think obviously now winning, he can't go nowhere. But I did believe if they did lose, he would have entertained. But I thought he would try to go west.

If I took steroids, I would have hit at least 70 home runs in a season

If you did take steroids, how many home runs do you think you could have hit in a season? 70. I was going to say 100, but okay. I would say 70. Yeah, because I remember so many balls being hit every year that just really were caught on the wall or hit off the top of the wall.