Takes

The Water Dogs MUST draft Chris Hogan in the Premier Lacrosse League

[Chris Hogan] has declared for the Premier League lacrosse draft... We have equity in the Water Dogs. Whatever we have to do to get Chris Hogan on our team, we have to do it.

I will move the Waterdogs if they go on a two-game losing streak

If we go on a two-game losing streak at any point, we're going to move the team. We're moving it... we'll fucking do anything. We'll stop paying the players if we have to make them play better.

The Philadelphia Waterdogs will kick the shit out of the Atlas in the semifinals

We guarantee victory. We're gonna kick the shit outta the Atlas... Print it, put it on the paper. Fuck the Atlas.

The Waterdogs are a disgrace and the worst team in the PLL

PLL Waterdogs. Fucking suck. That team is disgrace... Real quick reminder, Waterdogs are the worst team. When you think it can't go any lower wait until you see the Waterdogs.

Pat Bev's interaction with the reporter wasn't that bad; it's just something he's been doing all year to everyone.

I'll start with the, the reporter thing. I didn't think it was that bad. Reporters love defending reporters. Pat Bev's been doing this all year. Subscribe to the pod... People making it like a misogynistic thing is crazy. He's been doing it to guys too.

I would rather watch March Madness 100 times out of 100 over the WBC

If you tell me, would you rather watch World Baseball Classic or March Madness? I'd say March Madness a hundred times out of a hundred times.

I'd rather watch Marshawn Lynch be disappointed at bad NFL games than the actual broadcast

I would just like to watch beast mode be disappointed at shitty games for the rest of the season. Just watch and be like, what the fuck are they doing out there?

I hate watching playoff football on an app like Peacock

I hate the experience of watching a game on an app as opposed to watching on TV, where you can easily and elegantly and seamlessly flip back and forth and show off your skills going back to the game right as it's about to snap again... it's a playoff game and it stinks.

Fans will hate watching sports with no crowds after just two days

Two days into baseball and stadiums... with no fans in the stands and guys sitting like eight seats apart in the bleachers people going to go like this blows. I don't like this everyone hates everything. No one's gonna like it.

The new 6 PM SportsCenter will be 90% conversation and only 10% traditional highlights

We have producers who enjoy and appreciate what we do... In fact, we had to give it a percentage. The six is going to be 85% to 90% of what you've seen on His and Hers and 10% some SportsCenter. And that 10% is going to feel like His and Hers. It's just going to be something that SportsCenter would have done anyway.

We have officially run JJ Watt off the internet

How long has it been since J.J. Watt tweeted? 20 days. 20 days since J.J. Watt has tweeted. We have officially run him off the internet.

J.J. Watt’s Players' Tribune article is basically erotic fan fiction he wrote about himself

One was wearing a 99 jersey with my name on the back, and another was wearing shoes with my logo on them... That was some fucking fan fiction erotic art shit for J.J. Watt. He hired a J.J. Watt mega fan to write that passage.

J.J. Watt released the first-ever non-retirement announcement for a retirement nobody expected

J.J. Watt just had the first ever non-retirement announcement. No one was wondering if he was retiring. But he's like, hey, guys, if any of you are wondering, yeah, I'm not retiring.

Noah Lyles is the Hater of the Year for his comments on the NBA

Noah Lyles... might have to do that as a Takey Hater of the Year. Because he was the one who before the Olympics said, you don't win a world championship if you win the NBA championship. That's not the world... He definitely got cut playing basketball. He's got some very deep seated anger for any ball sport.

Half of sports media doesn't watch games; they just tweet about the Manningcast

I also don't know what the sports media is going to tweet about now that the Manningcast is not [on]... Half of sports media doesn't even watch the game. They just tweet about the Manningcast.

We are banned from the Beacon Theater because of James Dolan

Part of my take was slated to do a live show in New York city at the beacon theater... I just got information that that date has been pulled from us because James Dolan owns the beacon theater. And we are the fucking bad boys of podcasting. We're banned from the beacon theater because of James Dolan.

Skip Bayless is the biggest Luka Doncic hater on the planet

My new favorite takeout there is how skip Bayless is now the biggest Luka hater on the planet, on the fucking planet. He's kind of, he's doing that exact same thing where he just like, he cherry picks the perfect stats to talk about Luka. He's like, he will not forget the games that the Mavericks lost in this series.

The traditional NFL broadcast is still better than the Manningcast for watching an entire game

My only thing is that it's good, but I feel like the regular broadcast is still better. Like when I'm watching the Manning broadcast, it just doesn't feel like a big game. It's casual and it's good, but watching an entire game, I keep switching back to the regular broadcast.

Adam Schefter is an undercover warlock casting spells through the media

I can't think of a story I'm rooting for more than Adam Schefter to be an undercover witch... Could you imagine if he's just casting spells on people?... Two cell phones. One of them is a magic wand. And that's why he does the whole like, oh, I have to pee every 10 minutes to make himself seem un-witch-like.

A documentary of Lenny Dykstra looking for God would be the most watched thing ever

This is the greatest story of all time. Lenny Dykstra's pursuit to find God. How is this not a Netflix documentary? This would be the most watched thing of all time. Lenny Dykstra just walking around the world looking for God.

The PMT YouTube channel will not hit 500,000 subscribers by August 15th because listeners don't have it in them to watch

The listeners don't have it in them. Yeah. They don't have it in them. We're not going to hit 500,000. We're not gonna be able to do the live stream. They're listeners. They're not watching.

The media will soon claim that sports were better without fans in the building

I'm going to level it up. I'm going to say by the time you're hearing my voice, if it's in the afternoon tomorrow... somebody will have already written the take that sports were better when there were no fans in the building.

I will watch the in-season Hard Knocks in April because I already have in-season football content now

I'll probably watch the in season Hard Knocks in like maybe April after the NCAA tournament. That's when I'll go back and I'll rewatch the football content. But now like I have in season Hard Knocks already, it's called NFL football.

NFL games should be free for everyone to watch

Sports should be free. That's my take. When I'm elected president free sports for everybody... It keeps people happy. It's also just the right thing to do.

The WatchESPN app allows the network to spy on you inside your house

Alex Jones thinks that Bill Walton was being 100% serious... It would also be great if Bill Walton accidentally exposed this, and ESPN was trying not to let this out, and he was just off on one of his weird trips, and he unwittingly uncovered the most giant conspiracy in the history of cable television.

JJ Watt will likely become a broadcaster in retirement

I could see [JJ Watt] being a broadcaster. ... He could probably name his job.

Adam Schefter will likely leave ESPN in the near future

Schefter... maybe Schefter thinking, you know, I'm going to be leaving ESPN soon. I can start giving a couple back here... Do you think Schefter lets Rappaport break the news that he leaves ESPN?

A three-quarter-inch bottom-line ticker is unnecessary and sports broadcasts are better without it

I'll take sports back on TV... you can take [the ticker] away, that I can live without... I've seen some games where the bottom line just like not working sometimes... and the games I think are actually better without that, you know, eighth of an inch at the bottom of my screen taken up.

Tony Dungy is a poor broadcaster who should stick to being the 'warden' of sports morality on Twitter rather than providing professional analysis.

I don't really need to hear Tony Dungy anymore. He's not good. ... You're in the booth. You're supposed to be assessing the game from a professional standpoint, right? So you shouldn't be going like Taylor Heineke's a 10-year starter in this league. That's for what that's what Twitter's for.

Game 6 of the 1998 NBA Finals will forever be the most-watched NBA game of all time

That game six of the 98 finals with the shot and MJ finishing his career with the Bulls, that will forever be the most watched NBA game of all time. 35.89 million people were watching that game concurrently... It's going to keep getting more and more fractured. That will be the most watched NBA game of all time.

JJ Watt did a Twitter Q&A solely to set up his PMT interview appearance

I'm totally woke on the fact that [JJ Watt] was doing this, I think, just so that he could say – he knew that he was going to get HeyJJ'd in his replies. So I think he was just setting up this entire Q&A for the question about Pardon My Take so he would say, I will go on the show.

No matter where we go in our careers, people will try to take us down for our past

It's almost liberating because it taught me that no matter where we go with our careers, people are going to try to take me down for my past. And that's fine because at this point, the biggest takeaway was don't get caught in a situation where internal politics and people with an ax to grind can determine your fate.

Elon Musk's involvement with Twitter will be good for trolls and memes

I think [Elon Musk] just going to make it easier for trolls online. I think he likes trolls. He likes memes. He likes trolls. I think this is good for us. Happy to see old Elon getting on board.

I will be a great character witness for Big Cat and PFT to save the ESPN show

I think I would have been a great character witness. [I would tell John Skipper] Mr. Skipper, you know how salamanders mate for life? Well, these two guys, they're a perfect pair together.

Adam Schefter will become the Ultimate Insider covering both NFL and NBA

Adam Schefter could be a candidate to replace Woj... In this scenario, Schefter would cover both the NFL and NBA as what a source called the Ultimate Insider... there's nothing you can do when someone says, Hey, you wanna be the ultimate insider?

GoldenEye 007 and Oregon Trail are top-tier video games

GoldenEye is number one since you didn't take it... Number two, I have Oregon Trail.

I am officially sick of the Zoom interface and never want to see it again

Fuck you to Zoom. Fuck Zoom. I am sick of Zoom. The first week it was cool... Now every time I see a Zoom on Hard Knocks, it's like I'm looking into a kaleidoscope of hell. I can't process it anymore. I'm sick of seeing that interface.

Watching a golf tournament commentated by Darren Rovell, Danny Kanell, and Dude Perfect is like wishing for sports on a cursed monkey's paw

I saw that sports are coming back indeed in the form of a golf tournament this weekend, but the golf tournament is going to be commentated and narrated by the team of Darren Rovell, Danny Kanell, and Dude Perfect. I don't think you could have designed... I wished on sports to come back but I wished it on a cursed monkey's paw.

PFT Commenter will finally beat Hank in a ping-pong match

Tuesday tuned in, we're going to go dogs at three stool streams. PFT, I think PFT's going to win. I'm hear he's going to win ping-pong against Hank.

I couldn't take movie roles because playing a different character would ruin the Undertaker persona

I turned down other outside projects because to me, my mindset on this whole process was like I can't go and do a movie where I'm a different character and then come back and then try and be Undertaker. It was just too big of a disconnect.

There is a 42% chance J.J. Watt will eventually appear on Pardon My Take

I'll split the difference. I'm going to say there's like a—I guess it wouldn't be splitting the difference, but 42% chance he's going to come on.

J.J. Watt will never actually come on the show

If I'm putting money on it, I'm saying that he's not going to come on the show and that he's just doing this as a one-time thing to try to get a brief amount of credit but not really following up on it.

The East Coast is better than the West Coast for watching sports

I like East Coast better than West Coast actually... Noon is objectively the perfect time to start a football game. [On the West Coast] it doesn't feel like a big game if it's Sunday night football and it's still light outside. You should get a Purple Heart if you watch sports in the Eastern Time Zone.

Bob Costas was a better Olympic broadcaster when he had pink eye.

My big thing is I miss pink eye Bob Costas. It's not the same with him with two functional eyeballs out there. I miss it. I miss it. He was so good when he was playing hurt. I actually think he was better when he only had one eye.

Sports and Jeopardy are the only things left worth watching on broadcast TV

The only show on television out-rates Jeopardy is the NFL. There's the NFL then Jeopardy, then every drama, every new show, every comedy, everything else. And Jeopardy still has those moments... all that's left is sports and Jeopardy really for me and TV. There's nothing else.

The NFL should put Carson Wentz in Washington just to watch PFT's soul leave his body

Carson Wentz. I, I think we should put them in Washington just to see PFT's soul leave his body.

The NBA is an absolute disgrace and sports fans should stop watching it in favor of the NHL

I think it's an absolute disgrace, the entire league... you guys are the biggest podcast in sports and truly get people away from the NBA and more into the NHL. ESPN won't do it, nobody else will do it, and you guys could do it and you refuse to do it.

Chris Collinsworth is a biased broadcaster who irks players

You could tell [Chris Collinsworth] is a little bit biased... A lot of people say he irks them... I just didn't like how he was talking... the one play in the Super Bowl when [Zach] Ertz scored and he was saying, 'that better not be a catch.'

Darren Rovell owns MLK and black history memorabilia just to turn a profit later

You own a piece of history that shows like when Martin Luther king was in jail... and you owned it to turn a profit one day, because that's what he does with all of his memorabilia.

Bill Walton's 'WatchESPN' comment was a result of him doing acid in a forest

When Bill Walton says, 'Watch ESPN, I can watch you,' it's because he did acid in the forest and pulled up his Watch ESPN to watch UCLA versus USC, and was like, 'The game's watching me.'