Takes

The Bad Bunny halftime show was so bad it ruined my interest in international football forever.

That halftime performance was so bad. I might have changed my stance on international football forever... It was horrible. I was watching it and I was like, this is, who is this for? This is America. This is a fucking Super Bowl.

Disney adults without kids should be sent to jail

I just think there should be two lines at Disney. One for people with kids and one for people without. And the people with kids get to go in the park and the people without get to go to jail, you have to go to jail. There should be a line right into a jail cell.

The Impractical Jokers are 'sex creeps'

The impractical Joker suck ass... turns out two of the four creeps. Sex creeps. Allegedly. Allegedly. It was Joe and it was Myrrh. Allegedly. Okay. So Joe alleged, well I also wanna say for Joe, he has now checked himself into inpatient treatment. Smart for being a sex creep... Joe Gato is seeking treatment for, I guess being a sex creep. So he is been hitting up high school girls, hanging out with them, touching their stomachs, doing weird shit. And then Mur was allegedly deeming a bunch of underage girls too.

There was a 30% chance Taylor Swift would attend the Beer Olympics

I've heard from multiple reports that Will said there was a 30% chance that Taylor Swift was gonna come to the beer Olympics... You never know. I think there's still a chance she might show up... when Dave was really wasn't on board, he was like, you could get me back. If you get Taylor Swift there. Right. Okay. So we're like, okay, there's a shot.

Joey Chestnut's ban from the Nathan's contest is a sign of the late stages of the American empire

Joey Chestnut has been banned from the Nathan's hot dog eating competition on July 4th in America is at its knees. It's the end of it. It feels like the late stages of an empire. This is the sign.

Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift are going to break up soon

Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift... we're gonna break up. Allegedly. She's gotta go back out on tour. Travis has got some rehabbing to do with the injury. Not gonna have as much time. I think, you know, this is kind of the three week honeymoon phase is over.

Taylor Swift is either a cult leader or a terrorist

Is Taylor Swift kind of a terrorist? She might be kind of a terrorist. It feels like she's got, I'll tell you what, She is either a cult leader or a terrorist and she's very good at doing both. Whichever one it is. So anything that she does, I'm on her side.

Tom Brady is a 'trophy husband' who needs a sugar mama like Kim Kardashian

Tom Brady is a stay-at-home dad. He needs to find another sugar mama to pay his bills because he always likes women who make more than him. That's just the facts. ... He's a trophy husband. ... Now he's looking for someone to take care of him.

WWE will engage in a massive bidding war for me in 2024

On January 1st, 2024, they [WWE] will most certainly be making their bid to get MJF over there... I'm a very simple man [money]. If they offer a penny more, this is a business.

I am officially the next Wolverine

I am pumped baby. No, I'm like, you're talking to the next Wolverine. I'm gonna do it. I'll... get those fans, you know, get me the job.

The Will Smith slap at the Oscars was a fake, staged event

When Chris Rock took the slap, he watched Will Smith walk up to him... the whole time Chris Rock has hands behind his back. And when he got slapped, you know, he was just totally open... honestly, I fall for a lot of fake stuff on the internet. And this is one of those ones where I'm just like fake.

Dog the Bounty Hunter will find Brian Laundrie before the FBI

Dog the Bounty Hunter is on the trail of Brian Laundrie... What happens if Dog finds him before the FBI? He absolutely will. He's Dog the Bounty Hunter. Like Brian Laundrie probably saw that clip and he's like, all right, it's over.

Capitalism is the true villain of the Titanic movie

Billy says capitalism is the villain and Titanic because we're trying to maximize profits instead of safety.

Space Jam: A New Legacy would be a 10/10 movie if LeBron James wasn't in it

I actually think what this movie would have been way better without LeBron James. Oh, absolutely... besides all of the scenes that he was in. Good job LeBron. Yeah, that's probably the best way to review the whole thing. Outside of LeBron, this movie was a 10 out of 10.

Jeffrey Toobin should own his scandal and become 'the jack off guy'

He should have been like, 'Hey guys, listen, I'm a guy. I jerk off.' You know what? You should trust me more because I'm just a regular guy who jerks off and guess what? This is my pledge to you. I will not do it in front of any more cameras. Lean into it. You have to own it at this point. Just become the jack off guy.

The new Space Jam movie isn't worth seeing because Lola Bunny is no longer 'thick.'

Lola Bunny is no longer thick. It sucks... I don't think I'm going to go see the new Space Jam. If I can't get aroused to a cartoon character in a movie about basketball, then I don't think it's worth my money buying a ticket.

The entire world might be made of cake

There was a video titled, 'These are all cakes.' It's like a three minute video... it blew my mind. Then everyone convinced themselves that you know, maybe the world is just a giant cake. Like the Matrix.

Jewel was the Rihanna of her time

Jewel was Rihanna before Rihanna. I'll say it. [Big Cat: That strong?] Yeah.

The Night King in Game of Thrones just really loves cocaine

All I took away from The Night King... He fucking loves cocaine. biggest showboater of all time. Like, bro, you were walking so slow to try to win that game.

Bran Stark will become the King of Westeros

Bran comes down from Winterfell, stands up out of his wheelchair, and raises his arms and shows he's the true Night King... but I think it's Bran. But it's Bran just because all the betting sites are like Bran.

I am officially 'Team Targaryen' and defend Daenerys' actions as a battle tactic

I want the Targaryens to be ruling at the end... You show up for battle, you've got to fucking battle... If a team against Alabama is getting blown out, they're not just going to quit halfway through the game. You don't take a knee in the third quarter.

The Game of Thrones series finale will end with everyone turning into happy zombies

Everything else is fine. All right. That's the M. Night Shyamalan twist... Everybody just turns into a zombie and they're happy forever. They can't go in water, so you at least have that.

Ant-Man will defeat Thanos by crawling up his butt and expanding

Either Ant-Man's going to crawl up in [Thanos's] butt and expand, like we said on the show, or he's going to get defeated using logic and reason by fact-checking super reporter Clark Kent.

The Hound is actually the Many-Faced God and will kill Arya Stark

I think the Hound is actually the many-faced god. He's gonna kill Arya and then rip his face off and be like haha got you bitch. Arya left him for dead and he did actually die and then they took his face.

Elon Musk is likely just a 'beard' or a public-facing prop for more competent tech billionaires like Jeff Bezos

Elon Musk is the idiot. He's a prop... everyone's like, oh, look at this guy. He's a fucking idiot. They can't figure out robots... Meanwhile, Jeff Bezos is creating robots that are going to deliver packages from Amazon and spy on all of us.

I am way better looking than Ed Sheeran

I'm way better looking than Ed Sheeran. A million percent... The dude can't even pee next to me.

Mike Brady is a beta male for raising kids that aren't his

Mike Brady [is] raising somebody else's kids. He's got to pay for all their education and their trips to Disney World. Those weren't even his kids. He's not a real man. He's a beta male. He's stuck paying for an alpha male's problem.

Avril Lavigne died in 2003 and was replaced by a body double named Melissa

Basically, the idea of this thread was that Avril Lavigne in 2003... committed suicide. But because she was so famous at the time, her record company kept her alive by not saying that she died and then just using her body double as Avril Lavigne going forward... There's recordings, like vocal recordings that sound completely different.

Hidden Figures is the best movie of the last four to five years

I haven't seen this movie, but I want to see this movie because it looks unbelievable... If they don't give this one the Oscar, I might boycott the Oscars. Yeah, well, it's head and shoulders above anything else that's been made in the last five or six years... I'm giving it a 101 out of 100.

I could beat up Neil deGrasse Tyson

I hate Neil deGrasse Tyson. Hey, Neil, come on this podcast or fight me. One of the two. Fight me, you nerd. You won't. I think I could beat up Neil deGrasse Tyson.

O.J. Simpson is a guilty man

I have no theories on that stuff. I've stated before, I just think O.J. is a guilty man, and that's it. I think his karma is now that he is in jail.