Takes

I always bet the over on Bedlam no matter what

My favorite college tradition... betting the over in Bedlam, no matter what, no matter what. Oklahoma/Oklahoma State play, over, put it on your phone.

The Arizona Cardinals are officially a fun watch team this year

The Cardinals are gonna be my official, this is just a fun watch team because Kyler looked awesome. Their defense is not great. They didn't even get Marvin Harrison going. James Conner is still the angriest, most upright runner that God ever created and yeah, I think they're just officially a fun team to watch.

JJ Watt did a Twitter Q&A solely to set up his PMT interview appearance

I'm totally woke on the fact that [JJ Watt] was doing this, I think, just so that he could say – he knew that he was going to get HeyJJ'd in his replies. So I think he was just setting up this entire Q&A for the question about Pardon My Take so he would say, I will go on the show.

I would never want Kirk Cousins to be the quarterback of the Bears

I just don't want [Kirk Cousins] on the Bears. It's not a rule that just because the Bears don't have quarterbacks, I can't criticize other quarterbacks.

The media is inflating the severity of Tom Brady's hand injury to give the Jaguars a reason for people to watch

If the Patriots are playing the Steelers and this hand thing happened, they wouldn't even be talking about it. But they know that the Jaguars, they need a storyline, they need a reason for people to watch, they need a reason to believe, so they're inflating the severity of his hand.

No matter where we go in our careers, people will try to take us down for our past

It's almost liberating because it taught me that no matter where we go with our careers, people are going to try to take me down for my past. And that's fine because at this point, the biggest takeaway was don't get caught in a situation where internal politics and people with an ax to grind can determine your fate.

JJ Watt should sign with Cleveland or Buffalo to achieve legendary status

Cleveland does, you know, we discussed it when he became a free agent. Like, that is the... franchise you can go to that will embrace him... If you're the final piece to bring a Super Bowl to [Cleveland or Buffalo], it's a totally different level than signing with the Titans or with the Packers.

NFL Draft prospects must understand they are CEOs of Fortune 500 companies

You've got to understand for the next, you know, four or five months, this is locked in time... You are going to be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, essentially. I never looked at it that way. Of course, I see it completely different now, and that's the way you have to look at it. You are the head of a foundation, of an organization, and you can be for a long period of time.

NFL critics who claim they stopped watching are actually still watching every Sunday

You know my favorite are the people on Twitter that say, I can no longer morally watch football. You are a fucking liar because I know you're fucking watching the Red Zone from 1 o'clock to 7 o'clock every fucking Sunday. You can't stop watching the NFL. You can't. Like it or not, it's here.

TJ Watt should win Defensive Player of the Year

TJ Watt is, I know he won't win it, but he should win Defensive Player of the Year. I know that the Browns fans will be like Myles Garrett... [Watt] has 17 and a half sacks and he's played 10 full games. He does everything for them.

The new MLB rules have made baseball watchable again

Overall, I think that what they've done is they've turned baseball into a game that more people will Congrats. We did it. We made baseball watchable again.

The Patriots should transition to Drake May sooner rather than later

I think you should start Drake May. Why maybe not this week on a Thursday, but if you want to push the ball downfield and give your team chances like that, it should be Drake May. That's my point. If it's tank, then Jacoby Brissett's perfect.

Watching the Real Housewives and the OC is okay

I'm a little more grown up, I do happen to watch and enjoy from time to time the Real Housewives series. Only the New York. Atlanta? I like Atlanta. Crazy. Countess? Crazy.

Deshaun Watson is a much better pocket passer than people realize

I think he's a good pocket passer. I think that that's one thing that people, when you think of [Deshaun Watson], you immediately think of a guy that can move around and get away from pressure, but he is good in the pocket.

You must always order two bagels: one to eat immediately and one for an hour later

You order one bagel to eat right away, and then the other is like an hour later. You have to. You have to. That's how you get to 'deuce hogs.'

If you are going on a boat party before a playoff game, you better win that game

This is a classic if you're going to go on a boat party. It's the old Tony Romo with Jessica Simpson and Cabo rule. If you're going to go hang out before a playoff game, you better win that fucking playoff game.

The Bengals are officially on 'frisky watch'

The Bengals, I think are officially on frisky watch. Who is more frisky? The Bengals or the Panthers. I think the Panthers... The Bengals just joined the Panthers in the frisky watch.

The NFL is better when the Patriots are losing

I'm sorry to get right into it about the Patriots, but I do wanna say the NFL is better when the Patriots are losing. I'm not kidding. Think about this season and how exciting it's been. How many ups and downs... when the Patriots aren't in play, it's just more fun. It's wide open.

Oregon looks like the best team ever

Oregon looks like the best team ever. Well they do. Dan Lanning... we gotta put a reminder out there that Dan Lanning, if anyone steps to Dan Lanning, take the other side.

Aaron Rodgers performs better when he's playing with 'no-name' receivers

Aaron Rodgers is Aaron Rodgers the pettiest person in the world... I think he actually performs better with no name guys, because then it's like, oh look what Aaron Rodgers is doing again with these same like undrafted or like late round pick wide receivers. Isn't he? Just the greatest?

Deshaun Watson should not be allowed to play in 2022 until the civil suits are resolved

I'm about ready to say, like I've seen enough and that I feel like Deshaun Watson should not be allowed to play this year until, until they figure out what's going to happen with the civil suits, because this is now 24 women. And with like strikingly similar details about what's happening.

J.J. Watt’s Players' Tribune article is basically erotic fan fiction he wrote about himself

One was wearing a 99 jersey with my name on the back, and another was wearing shoes with my logo on them... That was some fucking fan fiction erotic art shit for J.J. Watt. He hired a J.J. Watt mega fan to write that passage.

Amar'e Cooper wants out of Cleveland

Amari Cooper wants out. He does not want to be there anymore.

The Chiefs getting the #1 seed is inevitable and they are still entertaining to watch at this level of greatness

They're just inevitable. They are, they're just really, really fucking good... it's kinda like the Steph Curry effect where you're like, it's still kind of entertaining to watch greatness at this level.

Deshaun Watson should want to play for the Eagles over the Panthers or Saints

If I'm Deshaun Watson, I don't want to go to the Panthers. Cause Matt Rhule's on the hot seat... I really do like the Eagles as a destination because the division's not the strongest. The conference is weaker than the AFC top to bottom. I think that if I had to pick which team I wanted to play for, I'd say the Eagles.

A guy with cauliflower ear is the number one person you never want to mess with.

Guy with cauliflower ear. Done. You see cauliflower ear, you turn around. It's an absolute red blinking sign that says, do not fuck with this guy, because you know he's been in some shit.

I am officially quitting golf and never want to look at a club again

I quit golf last week after a strenuous round that I played with Henry... I don't know if you guys have ever experienced this, but you get so bad during a round or so bad at something that you just completely mentally break and you're like, I never wanna look at a golf club again.

A three-quarter-inch bottom-line ticker is unnecessary and sports broadcasts are better without it

I'll take sports back on TV... you can take [the ticker] away, that I can live without... I've seen some games where the bottom line just like not working sometimes... and the games I think are actually better without that, you know, eighth of an inch at the bottom of my screen taken up.

If you ever want to be humbled, you should read the comment section of an article about yourself

What I have done before is really bad. Now some of the Articles I've scrolled down and read the comments... Unbelievable the comments... Sometimes you want to be humbled read a comment. Yes right through that's a great quote... it'll be comment underneath [this interview]... probably Mass murderers.

UFC has ruined my brain for watching boxing

I have a take that UFC has kind of ruined my brain when it comes to boxing... I watched that fight and I was like why the fuck isn't he submitting him? Like, why isn't he taking him to the ground? Why isn't he kneeing him in the face? It's just there's a level of violence in the UFC that you expect when you see a fight and you're like I was sitting there watching like why isn't Fury just sit on him.

Deshaun Watson is the Michael Jordan of the NFL

When Dabo Swinney says [Deshaun Watson] is Michael Jordan, that's what he's talking about. The fact that he has that poise and that one play where he got sacked twice, spun around and made a play.

Watching Steven Adams without sound is like listening to porn without images

Watching Steven Adams without sound is like listening to porn without the images. Well, it was kind of cool seeing him yell at him and point his finger, but I needed the sound to really get me there.

I'm starting to think the global pandemic was rigged so we would all be forced to watch soccer

I swear to God I'm starting to get to woke that this is all been rigged so that we all have to watch soccer... We're here, life is now just soccer with a little side of horse racing.

I don't watch golf when I'm away from the course

I'll be honest, I don't watch it. I don't watch it when I'm away from it... If I was going to watch anything, I'd watch Augusta and all the majors. But other than that, I'd much rather be watching basketball late night.

Zach Edey is legitimately good at basketball despite his game being unenjoyable to watch

Purdue fans should just be like, that's okay because we win. You know what I mean? Like, it's at a point where it's like to quote our good friend Jay Bilis, agree to disagree. Zach Edey is really good at basketball. Most of America doesn't enjoy this experience. It's okay. Thinking otherwise is stupid.

Apple Watches are the primary tool used for cheating in modern academia

Apple watches in my opinion, ruined academia because literally they're the number one thing used to cheat... It's just rampant uses. I've never had an apple watch, but I wanted to buy one just because like, it would have been so much easier.

I enjoy watching the Broncos on primetime because the brand of bad football is a fascinating story every time

I actually, I'm gonna say this and I know this, people will be like, 'Oh, you're just saying this to be opposite,' I enjoy having the Broncos on primetime football because every time it's a story. It's bad football but you see something new every time and it's a weird story. It became so hilariously bad that it's interesting. There's something about a Broncos primetime game that it's fascinating to watch because it's just a car crash for 60 minutes plus.

Darren Rovell owns MLK and black history memorabilia just to turn a profit later

You own a piece of history that shows like when Martin Luther king was in jail... and you owned it to turn a profit one day, because that's what he does with all of his memorabilia.

I'm officially done with watching Desmond Ridder play football

I'm so sick of watching Desmond Ridder play football. I know he played well in the fourth quarter... but the interception, the fumble in the end zone, the missed pass to Bijon [Robinson] where it was a walk-in touchdown and he missed him. I'm just kind of done with watching him play football. We've had enough.

Kawhi Leonard is my favorite player to watch in the playoffs

Favorite player in the playoffs? To watch, like, Kawhi, probably.

The Patriots defense is never better without JJ Watt

When you have the best defensive player in the league, your defense is going to never be better without him.

Noah Lyles has every right to brag about being the fastest man on Earth after winning Olympic gold

She had a take, can you really brag about being the fastest person on earth if you win a race by 0.005 seconds?... I think [Noah Lyles] can if you win the gold medal.

Peter Weber is not cut out for the bright lights of being The Bachelor

Pete's acting like a mopey little bitch. ... He's crying over the fact that these girls... He can't handle the drama. He doesn't want any of the smoke. But he also signed up to be The Bachelor. He's not cut out for the bright lights.

The officials were right not to call the travel on Maryland's buzzer-beater because the tournament needs madness.

Derrick Queen's buzzer beater that now is being called a travel—and it might've been a travel, but I'm so happy they didn't call it a travel because I wanted to watch a buzzer beater. You can't spend all weekend saying there's no madness and then when there's the one madness that happens, like a travel, you say to call it. It was an awesome shot, a big boy move.

No matter what Kevin Durant does for the Warriors, it will always be Steph Curry's team

No matter what [Kevin Durant] does for the Warriors, it will always be Steph [Curry]'s team in the fans' eyes. And he's never going to be loved, Kevin. Just know that.

Modern NFL executives and coaches don't watch enough game tape

There's no substitute for putting tape or film or video... on and watching a guy play. There's no substitute, and there's not enough good people in the league that are studying tape. I would go on a limb and say there's executives in this league that don't know how to watch tape or would rather not watch tape.

Playing in Houston, Boston, and New York takes a greater physical and mental toll on players than other cities

Games in Houston, Boston, New York, playing in the places like that, where you feel like the team's, the pressure's constantly on and the fans are on top of you and it's hot. Those take a little more outta you.

Winning three Heismans is a greater accomplishment than winning a national championship

Would you rather have a national championship or three Heismans? And a civil conflict. Easy. Three Heismans. I've won the Heisman every place I've gone, so that's a recruiting [pitch]. Like, hey, you want to win a Heisman? Come be with Coach Duggs because guess what? When he's up 30 points, he's still going to pad those stats.

The 'Player to be Named Later' in baseball trades is enticing because it sounds like they could be anyone, even a Hall of Famer

But the player to be named later, it sounds really enticing. It's like, that guy could be fucking awesome. Could be anyone. Yeah, could be a Hall of Famer.

If you don't appreciate LeBron James' greatness while watching him, you aren't a sports fan

LeBron, at this point, you can hate him... but if you're sitting and watching LeBron and not being like, this is incredible, everything he does, then you're not a sports fan. Even his teammates do it.