Takes

Olive Garden is absolutely disgusting Italian food.

Olive Garden is absolutely fucking disgusting. If it's a true Italian... It's Italian, but it's a grape. But it's a good pick. It's a good for the graphic. It's a great pick. Unlimited bread, but in real life. Unlimited blows. No, that's ly are awesome. The pasta is good. The so is good. The pasta is probably about 20 minutes overcooked.

Eating 14 hot dogs in 12 hours is not a lot of food

When you say 14 hot dogs in 12 hours isn't that much. It's not. That's a fat ass statement. Not that you're a fat ass, but... it's really just dealing with Stu Feiner all the time.

The Beyond Meat COO bit a man's nose because he craved real animal protein

My hot seat is beyond meat. The COO. Yes. Of beyond meat after the Arkansas, Missouri game bit a guy's nose in a parking lot. And that's just a class example of a guy craving real animal protein.

Corn is a fruit

Corn. Corn is a fruit. Can you guys believe that? An ear of corn is not technically a fruit. Instead, each kernel is a fruit. Exactly.

Tiramisu is a bottom-tier dessert

I'm the man who will eat every dessert in the world. Tiramisu is bottom tier dessert. It's all fancy... It's the texture that I don't like. I don't like the texture of tiramisu... Tiramisu is coffee flavor. Just drink the coffee. It's way better.

In-N-Out burger is so overhyped

But you go in the conversation as best tasting burger. We're not talking about all the bells and whistles of everything else. And I think that's what In-N-Out does... Great service, great experience, the ingredients yes, very quality. But again, we're talking about a great taste. We're talking about the best tasting burger out there and to me In-N-Out is so over-hyped.

Michelin stars should be abolished because there is no baseline for modern comparison

Quite frankly, I would rather not see stars anymore at all. Nowadays it's just how you compare. And there's a pizzeria in Jersey City that is great, but it got three stars. How do you compare that with three stars that, you know, Jean-Georges got? So there's no baseline for understanding what that review even means anymore. That's why I think they should just get rid of the stars.

The Apple Pie Hot Dog is a culinary combination that works

What we came up with actually should be prepared and sold in frozen food sections because we take a flaky pie crust, we take an all-American beef hot dog, we make a bacon jam... what we came up with, it so works.

I invented the wrap sandwich in 1981

A couple of the really school reporters up there decided that they'd get their friends at the Wall Street Journal to do a national search to find out who had a wrap sandwich on the menu before 1981. And guess what? They couldn't find anyone. And they said I invented the wrap.

Everything is an ingredient and every meal needs beer

Billy has three rules as a cook. Rule number one is they're all ingredients. That's his saying when you say Billy what the fuck are you doing right now that smells and looks terribly says they're all ingredients. Dude. Number two is let the meat talk. So that means just don't put any seasoning on any meat just Talk and number three is every meal cooked needs beer. So that Billy can drink it.

An Oreo is a frosting sandwich, not a cookie

If you took an Oreo and took, you know, the top part off, that single black chip is a cookie... What do you think Oreos are cookies? It's a frosting sandwich.

Wine snobs are 99% full of shit

It kind of reveals what I thought all along—why people are full of shit. Most of them are. 99% of them... I think that most people could probably tell the difference between a seven dollar bottle wine and like a $70 bottle, but anything above that you can be influenced by a cool-looking label.

Queso is technically a soup because it's a liquid served in a bowl

I think queso's the soup... You use like chips, which are basically spoons. They're edible spoons. Yeah, it's bread. It's like the bread that comes with soup. I think queso's the soup.

Anchovies are actually delicious and only hated because of Ninja Turtles propaganda

Anchovies are not that bad. They only get a bad rap because of cartoons. You were told from a young age [by] the Ninja Turtles... That's actually not at all what anchovies are. They are delicious. They just taste like salt... There's been a tremendous propaganda effort against anchovies and sardines for most of my adult life.

Animal style fries at In-N-Out are wildly overrated

Animal style sauce on fries at In-N-Out. I think it's wildly overrated. I really do. Animal sauce on the burger... that adds something. Animal sauce on fries just becomes disgusting and you're like what are we doing eating a bunch of soggy fries? It's a cool hipster thing to do.

Rolos are trash

And Rolos. Rolos are trash. You take a bite of Rolos, I feel like every time I take a bite of Rolos my tooth is coming out with it.

Wheaties taste like an old person's butthole

Wheaties. Mmm great boxes and they're great workers because they just they made everyone who wins an Olympic gold medal want to be on the cover of their cereal box, even though their cereal tastes like shit tastes like an old person's like butthole.

Goat cheese is 'chick cheese' and not for guys

Goat cheese? Are you kidding me? That's chick cheese, bro. I disagree. That's a big time chick cheese.

Poutine is not the national food of Canada

Poutine is not the national food of Canada. I have never had poutine before. Now suddenly everybody's Mr. Poutine. This is poutine. This side and the other thing.

Candy corn is absolutely delicious and should be a year-round candy

Candy corn is absolutely delicious. I think it should be a year-round candy, and I can't wait to eat it for the next month.

I have eaten more bologna than anyone else in the world

I really believe that, at least at my age. I can say that for sure. No one can beat me in the bologna [eating competition].

Asparagus is poison and green vegetables are generally bad for you

Asparagus is poison. Green vegetables are poison... It's the worst vegetable. Like asparagus is disgusting. And then you eat it and your body's like, yo, dude, just a reminder what you just ate. That was really disgusting. Here's some disgusting piss.

Oatmeal raisin is a trash-ass cookie

Because that's a trash-ass cookie. That's a trash ass cookie. Oatmeal raisin is not a Mount Rushmore cookies cookie.

Apple Jacks milk is the best leftover cereal milk on the list

Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Apple Jacks are both not only good cereals, but the milk in the cereal bowl after the cereal's gone is better than any other cereal on the list.

The Pimento Cheese sandwich at Augusta is overrated

I'm on record as saying it's not my thing. I tried it because it's like, hey, when in Rome, but when I... I'm a consistency person, and if I don't like the consistency then I'm just not going to be able to get with it, and pimento and cheese just doesn't work for me.

Sheetz is definitively better than Wawa

I do think Sheetz is better than Wawa. That's the Homer in me.

Waffle House is garbage

I think Waffle House is garbage. It's just people go there when they're drunk, and they're like, man, Waffle House is really good.

Skyline Chili is good; people only hate it because they have soft out-of-town stomachs

I think it's pretty good... I got a feeling that your hatred for Skyline comes from, you know, just your guys' soft stomachs out there in New York... out-of-towners don't have a very tough stomach.

Skyline Chili is a prank the city of Cincinnati pulled on the rest of the world.

What do you think about my theory that the city of Cincinnati basically was like, we're going to pull a prank on the rest of the world and tell them that when they come here, they've got to try the diarrhea chili?

Skyline Chili is garbage

Cincinnati Bengals, Skyline Chili. Garbage. Yes. Thank you. It's the worst... I asked people in Cincinnati, what's the deal with the skyline? ... It's greasy drunk food.

Avocados are overrated as fuck

I just want to take this moment to say avocados are overrated as fuck... Guacamole, great. Avocados on their own, trash.

Honey mustard will eventually go the way of the sun-dried tomato

Honey mustard... I feel that it likely is going to ultimately go the way of the sun-dried tomato... Sun-dried tomato had about half a dozen years at the top... then just vanished. Honey mustard, it's fine it's here now, but I won't miss it when it's gone tomorrow.

Crab cakes are better with 75% filler rather than lump meat

I like the filler. ... Exactly. I want 75% filler in my crab cakes. ... Have you ever tried to eat like a 95% crab meat crab cake? Oh, it's disgusting. It's like eating a can of tuna fish.

Ketchup is a trash condiment.

Ketchup's trash, man.

Skyline Chili is actually good and I love it

I love Skyline Chili... Every time, the first time I got called up to the big leagues with the Reds... I had two chili dogs. Skyline Chili has always been a classic for me, man. I can't hate on that. Skyline Chili is the best. They can't give enough cheese, baby.

All mustard is trash

I have nothing on my Mount Rushmore because all mustard is trash.

Skyline Chili is a running joke used by Cincinnati residents to prank tourists

Skyline Chili, I'm convinced all of Cincinnati has Stockholm Syndrome. I don't know what is going on there. They have convinced themselves that's real food that people should eat. I think it's a running joke. Everyone in Cincinnati was like, hey, let's try to convince the rest of the world that every time they come visit us, they have to eat this diarrhea.

Pimento cheese sandwiches taste like microwaved Dunkaroos

You could get the same effect from microwaved Dunkaroos for 30 minutes in your microwave and then making a ball out of it. That's what the pimento cheese sandwich tastes like.