Takes

I am the person who introduced the French Levi's shirt fashion trend to the United States

I noticed, not to brag, I was over in France... everybody wears this Levi's shirt. It's like a really big fashion thing. And so it's going to come over to the U.S., and I'm calling my shot. I'm going to be the first one in the U.S. to start wearing it. So then when you see all these famous people wear it, be like, yo, PFT actually introduced that to the United States.

Stephen A. Smith is using the N-word on air to get ESPN to fire him so he can reunite with Skip Bayless

I also have a theory that Stephen A. Smith is just trying to get broken up with at ESPN because he misses Skip Bayless so much... God bless the broken road that will eventually lead Stephen A. Smith back to skip. And if he has to drop the in-bomb a couple times on the air, so be it.

ESPN should hire Curt Schilling and Keith Olbermann for a PTI-style debate show

Politics are big now. Trump is huge. Pick a side. ... hire a PTI-style debate show with Curt Schilling and Keith Olbermann. And just like the MJ-LeBron debate comes up every day, just do a Colin Kaepernick debate every single day. People want to hear that.

The WatchESPN app allows the network to spy on you inside your house

Alex Jones thinks that Bill Walton was being 100% serious... It would also be great if Bill Walton accidentally exposed this, and ESPN was trying not to let this out, and he was just off on one of his weird trips, and he unwittingly uncovered the most giant conspiracy in the history of cable television.

The Super Bowl National Anthem will go over two minutes

So I'm taking the over [on the national anthem] just because you don't want to root for the under in the national anthem. That's pretty much treason, right?

Bill Belichick will become the commissioner of Lacrosse to take down the NFL

Bill Belichick hates the NFL, hates Roger Goodell... He's going to become the commissioner of lacrosse. He knows. He sees the writing on the wall. The NFL is going to be dead soon. Concussions. Everyone's going to stop playing... then he's going to start recruiting the best football minds to lacrosse... he goes on top as the best coach of all time [by taking down the NFL].

The National Championship TV ratings are going to suck

The ratings are going to suck. There's no question the ratings are going to suck. Because outside of this quarter of the country, people just don't care.

The NFL Network should hire Jeff Fisher to bring them back to mediocrity

Jeff Fisher, he brings the mediocrity back. So you're going from low... To right in the middle. I think Jeff Fisher's the perfect hire.

I will likely retire from the radio show in five or six years

Three or four. Five, maybe. Maybe five. I don't know. Maybe six. No more than five more years.

Barstool Van Talk is already the best show on ESPN

I said to my man, I said, this is the best show on ESPN already. SVP is room for improvement. There's a lot of room for improvement. Keep it fucking real, Big Cat... No one wants to see any fucking highlights from a motherfucker in a suit at 11:30 at night.

Instant replay should be abolished in sports

I think we should actually get rid of instant replay. All together, just give it all the power back to the refs and the umps... I feel like I watch instant replays more than I watch sports now.

The 'Golden Age' of podcasts is over now that people are making wedding planning podcasts

The couple that met because one was a fan of his podcast and then they're getting married and they're creating a podcast together about going through the wedding planning. That right there is like if you could think of the most stereotypical podcast podcast. It is over, boys. It is all done.

NFL ratings are down because players aren't sleeping with Kardashians anymore

Do you think that's why NBA ratings are up and NFL is down because none of the NFL players are sleeping with the Kardashians?

Tony Romo is driving NFL ratings down by spoiling the games

I think he's driving the ratings down because you're not going to go... People turn off the TV right as he says [the play]. They know what's going to happen. It's like right when Napster came out, people stopped going to the record store and buying CDs. Why would you buy the cow if you can get the milk for free from Tony?

Les Miles is coming for Magic Johnson's title as the most obvious tweeter on the internet

Magic, you're on the hot seat. If Les [Miles] starts figuring out how to predict MVPs and stuff, Magic might be out of a job.

Nobody who writes a book actually reads it cover-to-cover

I have a working theory that nobody that's written a book has actually read their book. Do you listen to your podcast over and over? Yeah, sometimes.

Tony Romo will struggle with the transition to sports broadcasting

I think he and the world is going to be surprised at what this job demands. Let's just say that you can't be nice all the time. Tony Romo is a nice guy... I think it's going to be a difficult transition. This is not the most forgiving society we live in these days.

NBA Commissioner Adam Silver will appear in a blockbuster movie as himself within the year

The only thing Silver hasn't done yet, I don't think, I can't recall him appearing in a movie as himself, like a big blockbuster movie, but I guarantee within the next year he's going to do it.

Peyton Manning hosting the ESPYs will not be good

I feel like this is going to suck, but... what do I know? Unless they just have him on stage drilling those Boys and Girls Club in the face with the footballs. He should just do that for like two hours.

Jay Cutler would be a good broadcaster if he is self-deprecating

Jay Cutler's thinking about going in the booth. So I'm excited for it. I think if Jay is honest and self-deprecating... I actually think he'd be good.

Tony Romo will not be a good broadcaster

Tony... he's not going to be – I don't think he's going to be very good in the broadcast booth. Hot take, Tony Romo is not – this is the classic media loving the guy who smiled a lot, who had his backwards hat... who answered questions, and was generally likable.

The Washington Wizards abandoned the Bullets trademark so it's now open for public use

Am I allowed to sell Washington Bullets merchandise since they were snowflakes and they abandoned the trademark back in the year 2000?... I i i would say uh give it a shot there's another pun okay

Rugby is the sport of the future

I was at the rugby tournament. That is the sport of the future. It solidified it. Shout out another semifinals for the U.S. national team.

Rugby is already huge in America

I'm going to take you one step further and say rugby is already huge in America. This was the, yeah, we're here. Get used to it.

Adam Schefter didn't go to Mexico because he's afraid of getting kidnapped because he fits perfectly in a trunk

Maybe because his body is so short and it fits so perfectly in a trunk, he doesn't want to go there and get kidnapped.

We have officially run JJ Watt off the internet

How long has it been since J.J. Watt tweeted? 20 days. 20 days since J.J. Watt has tweeted. We have officially run him off the internet.

The Auburn girl getting hit in the face by a football was a staged video

I think it was planned. Obviously, she still got the ball off her face, but there's a second video of someone videotaping her behind her. That seems too convenient... I said in the text, I was like, I don't know how, but I know.

Deadspin under Univision ownership will not change as much as people think

I do not think that Deadspin under Univision will change as much as people think. The question will be, will the guys who are running Deadspin now stick around for the long haul or will there be a sort of an editorial change? But I don't think Univision bought Deadspin not to have Deadspin.

The 'Send Beer Money' Venmo kid on College GameDay is a fake viral ad

No, you don't do that. Seemed a little fishy... Nowhere to be found. No one can find Sam Crowder... It's a fake. It's a viral ad.

Twitter is officially out to get Curt Schilling

Twitter is out to get Curt Schilling. It has nothing to do with his awful opinions, his racist beliefs, the fact that he's addicted to memes and retweeting idiots... Nope.

Pardon My Take has more listeners than Bill Simmons

We have over 40 million listeners in six months. That's crazy. I'm just going to say it's more than Simmons. Yeah, it's more than [Bill] Simmons.

Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen might be getting a divorce

Like, maybe things aren't going so well in paradise? Maybe the big D word coming down the pike? Like, maybe he doesn't have such close ties with Brazil anymore?

Jay Mariotti is the senior Icelandic correspondent for Pardon My Take

Jay, you will be our senior Iceland correspondent. Done... Jay Mariotti has been named senior Icelandic correspondent for Pardon My Take.

The Colin Kaepernick anthem protest is a viral marketing stunt for Beats by Dre

This is obviously a viral marketing stunt for Beats by Dre. We're going to find out there was a camera that was on Kaepernick on the sidelines. The National Anthem starts playing, puts the beats on, and 'I'm the man, I'm the man'. It's the sleekest beats design of all time. Nobody will even know that you're wearing them.

Twitter is primarily composed of memes and ISIS recruitment

It's just memes and ISIS recruitment. That's what Twitter is. It's a real problem out there. Real problem out there.

The PMT hosts will eventually break up due to drug addictions and the Twitter checkmark

I can't wait for the behind the scenes, behind the music when we like both develop drug addictions and get into fights and break up with each other. I think that's going to happen sooner rather than later. And the root cause is going to be this [Twitter] checkmark.

Blogging is more harmful to the brain than playing professional football or hockey

I think blogging is more harmful to your brain than playing football or hockey or any more women's soccer... your brain becomes soft [as a blogger] because you have no contact with anything.

Pokemon Go is a CIA government conspiracy to track data and map building interiors

Seriously, though, Pokemon Go is a government conspiracy, and I don't know why anyone... my last one was basically Pokemon Go has somewhere sitting with the CIA and they're saying, huh, how do we get inside people's buildings?... Let's just throw a squirtle right by someone's refrigerator. Picture.

iTunes doesn't exist in Canada

I don't even know if that counts for the iTunes rankings. I don't think they have iTunes in Canada, so we don't actually appreciate them, but we'll just say we appreciate them.

The Rio Olympics tragedies are a marketing strategy by Brazil

The only way to remind people that the Olympics are coming is to continually have tragedies and threats... There are some guys in Brazil right now sitting in a marketing office patting themselves on the back. We really did this. We're making the news. Yeah, we threw out Zika. We threw out terrorists, a guy with a gun. There's sewage. There's poop water. Hey, let's throw some old body parts... Front page news. Oh, yeah. And the Olympics are on NBC. Tune in.

Skip Bayless will get 'West Coast soft' and lose his edge at Fox Sports

I don't think that what they're going to do with him on Fox Sports is going to be nearly as good because he's going to get West Coast soft. He's not going to have somebody as fiery to debate. It's like separating two dogs from each other that have grown up together their whole life.

If you do a bit better than the person who invented it, it becomes yours legally

I feel like if you do something a lot better than somebody else, then it becomes yours... On the internet, we call that a hat tip. So as long as you give somebody a hat tip, then you can steal all their shit and it's totally above board.

Roger Goodell is guaranteed to be on the show because of Eric Winston

Eric Winston guaranteed that Roger Goodell is going to be on the show this week.

Johnny Manziel should become a sports blogger

He needs to become a blogger. He needs to write for the Players' Tribune. I'm sure they'll hire him over there. ... because pretty much all bloggers do all day is they talk about sports and then they get drunk at night. And that seems like it would be like a square peg, square hole situation.

Pardon My Take is responsible for Skip Bayless leaving ESPN

I think the entire Pardon My Take, Pardon the Interruption, First Take fiasco that ever since that happened, ESPN's ratings have been way, way down. Our ratings have been way, way up. So, yeah, I think I think there's a better than zero chance that we contributed to [Skip Bayless's] demise.

Curt Schilling should jump to Fox Sports and keep his mouth shut

I think if [Curt Schilling] is smart, which he isn't, he ought to jump over to Fox and keep his mouth shut. ... I don't care what he has to say about anything. Why would anybody care what he has to say about anything?

The Dude Perfect show on CMT will be the best show of all time

CMT... Thursday nights, Aaron Rodgers. I don't know when Aaron Rodgers is going to be on, but it's going to be probably the best show of all time. That guy is so cool.

John Madden has been dead for years and the NFL uses fake quotes for PR

The theory of this show is that John Madden has been dead for years and that the NFL just uses fake John Madden quotes for PR.

LeBron James will announce he is re-signing with the Cavs by re-following them on Twitter

I actually think what's happening is that LeBron unfollowed the Cavs and that when he signs his option... he's going to announce it by refollowing the Cavs. It's such a shitty, like not cool thing to do, but it's so lame that it perfectly fits something that he would think was a good idea.

Adam LaRoche's son will grow up to be the greatest hot take writer in history

Adam LaRoche's kid... he is going to be the best hot take writer of all time. Could you imagine him fighting with like sabermetric nerds? Adam LaRoche's kid, his entire existence is towel whips, pranks... His entire life is a locker room.