Hank

Albus Dumbledore is a piece of shit for setting Harry Potter up to die

As I'm watching them [the Harry Potter movies], dude, Dumbledore's a piece of shit. He knew that Harry had to sacrifice himself. He set him up. The guy that you think is like the grandpa that's always there to help him... he's a bad sicko.

The Official World Golf Ranking's decision to ignore LIV Golf is absolute bullshit

The official golf world ranking has chosen to just ignore LIV golf as a real sport or league. Shit. So LIV golf players are not gonna be able to qualify for majors and things like that... it's a problem for them when you have LIV golf players that are winning majors to then say that the tour that they play on doesn't produce players that are good enough.

The Cowboys will get smoked if they make it past the divisional round of the playoffs

This team [Cowboys] might make it to the divisional round of the playoffs. They're gonna get smoked if they make it any, anywhere past that. And you can't feel any differently.

The Patriots should rebuild around the lighthouse and fire Bill Belichick and Mac Jones

The lighthouse is all we got. That's really the only, like, I think you rebuild around the lighthouse. Get rid of Belichick, get rid of Mac Jones and just build around the lighthouse. Build an entire team around the lighthouse.

I wouldn't be surprised if Bill Belichick wants to leave the Patriots.

I think Belichick, whatever he wants to do... I wouldn't be surprised if he is like, 'I need to get the fuck outta here.'

Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift are going to break up soon

Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift... we're gonna break up. Allegedly. She's gotta go back out on tour. Travis has got some rehabbing to do with the injury...

Mac Jones is bad and it is time for the Patriots to move on

Mac Jones is bad. Mac Jones is not the guy... They looked hopeless... I think it's time to move on. It's time... You can't get worse than the worst loss in Belichick's career. I'd rather do that with Zappe. Mac Jones, it's time to go.

The Celtics are back to being the favorites to win the NBA championship

The Celtics today acquired Jrue Holiday... And they're back to being the favorite to win the NBA championship. It's an elite defensive back court with him and Derrick White. Tatum, Brown, it's gonna be exciting.

Damian Lillard is past his prime

I think Damian Lillard's a little old, a little past his prime. Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown are in their prime. Damian Lillard's washed up.

The Gillette Stadium structure is the largest lighthouse in the continental U.S.

The Patriots built the largest Lighthouse in continental us. It was, you know, discussed, promoted... Let's make the biggest Lighthouse in the continental US Asterisk. No big deal.

The 2023 Chicago Bears will go 0-17

My overly direct take is that the Bears are gonna go oh and 17.

You can't appreciate a lighthouse if you don't go out to sea

It's good to get away from the lighthouse. It makes it that much better when you see it on the way back. You know, as any sailor knows, you can't appreciate a lighthouse if you don't go out to sea.

The New England Patriots are going to make the playoffs

My overly direct take is that the New England Patriots are gonna make the playoffs. Love it. Ooh. Yeah. They're gonna make the playoffs.

The Patriots are going to win games that people expect them to lose

I'm just saying like, as bad as it was, I still think the, this, this team is gonna, you know, win some games that people expect 'em to lose.

The New England Patriots will win 11 games this season

I have high expectations for this team. But the national media like yourself think they have no shot. I think they'll win 11. 11 [wins] and seven [losses].

Dabo Swinney is cooked because he refuses to embrace the transfer portal and NIL

Clemson though, done. Dabo. It's so bury—so great. Burying Dabo. Bury him... Dabo is not a likable guy. You had your run. And it does—it is kind of nice. If Dabo didn't say all the stuff about NIL and transfer portal, I, I would feel a little bit worse. But he's so resistant to change when college football has so drastically changed in the last five years.

Selecting Justin Thomas for the Ryder Cup is a risky pick given his current form

He's not playing good golf right now. ... I just feel bad for, you know, Keegan and the guys. ... It's a risky pick in my opinion. ... Imagine if he performs badly. The final day is 12 singles matches. If he performs badly, everyone would be like, why would you pick a person who didn't even make the FedEx Cup playoffs?

Messi's assist against the Red Bulls was the craziest pass I've ever seen

Beat the Red Bulls scored another or no? Yeah. Unbelievable goal. Probably the craziest pass I've ever seen in the, in the sport of football... I think it was [better than his World Cup pass].

The Godfather Part III is so bad that it ruins the whole movie trilogy

Godfather three... one and two are so good... The Tri literally just say the Godfather of three doesn't exist. It like they try to make it so it's not a trilogy... The trilogy then sinks the whole trilogy within itself. That's not, that is incorrect.

Peyton and Eli Manning are the most overrated siblings of all time

If we're saying most overrated siblings of all time, [the Mannings] would probably be up there. Peyton, everyone talks about Peyton, he basically won one. Eli stole two from [the Patriots].

Shohei Ohtani's recent hitting slump is caused by the Drake curse

My Hot Seat is Shohei Ohtani. ... Drake a week ago was spotted out wearing a Shohei Ohtani jersey. And since then he is gone two for 12. So the Drake curse is back.

I could beat up Amanda Serrano in a boxing match

I said the one thing [Amanda Serrano] might have me on is cardio, but if I could... I'd keep her at bay with my jab. She would never get inside me.

There is a 0% chance they successfully fly an orca in a cargo plane

I can't, there's, I I just, I know you guys are just fucking with me, but [there's] no way. 0%. 0% [chance this happens].

LeBron James is on the Mt. Rushmore of GOATs

We're going with LeBron James... I like our list. It's a team effort. I value, I value my teammates picks.

'The Prestige' is one of the best movies of all time

Prestige is one of the best movies of all time. ... It's a phenomenal [movie]. ... Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman are rival magicians. Great twist, great turns, great female cast. ... That's not being coy. That's just like, it's a phenomenal [movie].

I don't want to start a family because aliens will likely kill us all within five years

I like thinking that aliens are real because then it really is like there's no reason to do anything. 'cause like within five years, like the aliens are gonna just come up and fuck us off. ... Like starting a family. It's like, I don't wanna, I don't wanna have kids like aliens are gonna come and kill 'em all. Yeah. Like, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna keep doing my thing.

Mike McDaniel is the best up-and-coming coach in the league over Kyle Shanahan

Mike McDaniel's probably the best up and coming coach in the league. Like if you're in a futures franchise draft, Mike McDaniel's probably going first [over Kyle Shanahan].

The massive Jalen Brown and Jayson Tatum contracts will look like great deals in five years

When [Jalen Brown] is making $68 million in four years, it still will be a lot of money. But if we have two or three rings, it's worth it. In five or 10 years, when Jalen Brown and Jayson Tatum are only 30, it's gonna look like two great deals because the cap is going up.

Bluetooth is one of the greatest inventions of the modern era

Everyone in this room uses Bluetooth every single day. Probably one of the greatest inventions in the modern era.

The city of Philadelphia will never win a championship in any sport ever again

My Cool Throne is the city of Philadelphia never winning anything ever. Joel Embiid, our prince... made comments the other day that he wants to win a Championship in Philadelphia or anywhere else... It seems like if he doesn't win this year in Philly, he's probably out.

Rory McIlroy will miss the cut at the Open Championship because it's 'too much of a storybook ending'

I have a hot take. I think [Rory McIlroy] is gonna miss the cut. Yeah, I think everything, because the last time they played here was the last time he won a major. He's been playing good golf. He won this weekend. Everyone—it's almost too much of a storybook ending and I think he's just gonna come out and blow up.

Charlie Woods will start his own professional golf league

Tiger Woods' [son] Charlie is gonna start his own golf league. A professional golf league. Outside. That's why he has him a commenting.

The Vegas Sphere is the coolest thing ever and the future of advertising

It's maybe the coolest thing I've ever seen. Like, I feel like it's gonna be everywhere all the time now. Like it's the, it's the future. ... However much it costs to advertise on it is like it's better than a billboard.

Tom Brady is "all natural" and would never date someone with a "fake body" like Kim Kardashian

She's got a fake body and Tom Brady would never do something like that. ... Tom Brady is a real man. He cares about family, brotherhood, love. ... Tom Brady's all natural himself.

Shower pisses are gross and I am not a shower piss guy

I'm not a shower piss guy. ... [PFT: How can you not pee in the shower?] I'm not a shower piss guy. ... Shower pisses are so gross.

The missing children in the D&D campaign deserve their fate for exploring dangerous caves.

The child needs a lesson. You shouldn't go explore caves plug.

My Warlock patron is basically just a dealer trying to support his family by taking souls.

He's just going to my dealer's house. Right? ... Maybe he's just trying to support his family and that's the only way he knows how. ... I gotta support the plug.

I'm betting big on Kirk Cousins and the Vikings this year

I went hard on the, on the Vikings. Ooh Vikings. Okay. Feeling a little bad about last year. I'm back. Yeah, I'm back on Kirk Cousins.

Mac Jones will lead the Patriots to the playoffs under Bill O'Brien

Mac Jones is is my guy. And Bill O'Brien is his guy... Reunited with Bill O'Brien, you fully believe in it. Yes... Playoffs.

Wes Anderson is a boring filmmaker

My Hot Seat is Wes Anderson, the filmmaker. ... I think he's boring. Does anybody else think he's boring? ... They're all kind of one movie. ... It's very filmmaker move to come out and be like, he refuses, he's disgusted at the thought of people even trying to do what he does.

Any player who wins World Series MVP should automatically be inducted into that team's Hall of Fame.

Any World Series MVP for any baseball team should be in that baseball team's Hall of Fame. [David Freese] said he hadn't earned it... but if you're a World Series MVP, you've earned the Hall of Fame. There's plenty of other Cardinals players that aren't World Series MVPs in the Cardinals Hall of Fame.

California teenagers are some of the scariest people you can encounter.

Don't fuck with California teenagers. They're scary. They're way cooler than you. They'll TikTok in your face. Smash you in the head with their skateboard or fucking steal your wallet.

The Buffalo Bills' dynasty is on the Hot Seat following Stefon Diggs' absence

My Hot Seat is the Bills Dynasty. Stefon Diggs no-showed for off season training program. They asked McDermott about it and he said he was concerned about it.

Toronto is a bad sports town because Canadians can't win a Stanley Cup

Toronto was a bad sports town. Although, you know... That's just Canadians out. They, they gotta, Canadians gotta pass... They can't win a fucking Stanley Cup. And it's their sport.

The pitch clock should be turned off in high-leverage baseball situations like bases loaded with two outs

It was Penn versus Southern Miss. It was 3-2, bases loaded, two outs. Best, probably one of the funnest situations. Baseball crowds going crazy and the ump called the clock violation and called 'em out. Which is just like... that should be another unwritten [rule] where if that's the count, that's the situation, the clock does not matter. Turn the clock off.

The Celtics are a better team than the Nuggets and everyone else in the NBA.

The Celtics are probably the best team in the NBA if you really look at it position by position, player by player. You know, we ran into a Heat team that was getting frisky at the right time. But we're still a better team. We're a better team than [the] Nuggets. We're a better team than everyone.

Derek White's Game 6 buzzer-beater felt like a series-winning moment

Game six was unbelievable. Just that win and the day after did, it did feel like a Game seven win. It felt like a series win. I was, I was basking at it. I truly was.

If the Celtics win Game 6 in Miami, Game 7 at home is a guaranteed win

Game six is definitely a tossup. But if you win Game six, game seven at home is ours.

The Celtics will become the first team in NBA history to come back from down 3-0

They [the Celtics] just need to win two and if they win two, they're winning four. And everyone in this room knows this... It was exactly reminiscent of the Yankees and Red Sox game three. They lost like 19 to eight. Got absolutely blown out... They came back, they won. They shocked the world First team to ever do it. Why not us?

The Knicks should not retire Carmelo Anthony's number; doing so would be 'soft'

You should retire numbers for, for winners. Not like nice guys that you're... I'm just saying it's soft.