Takes

NASA's Mars Insight lander will find 'evidence of water' that we already knew about

They're going to maybe find traces of what might have been water a billion years ago. But the headlines are going to say evidence of water on Mars, which we already have.

The winning coach of Super Bowl 58 will have 'sport water' poured on them during the Gatorade bath

I like color of body armor poured on winning coach clear slash water. ... Body Armor sport water. ... Plus 700. Nice.

I am going to get a food trend to go viral by claiming New Yorkers dunk cereal in toilet water

I'm going to tweet from the Pardon My Take account right now... Anyone else dunk their cereal in toilet water before they eat it, or is that just an NYC thing? I'm saying at minimum 10,000 retweets by tomorrow morning.

The 2020 NFL Draft stage in Las Vegas will lead to players falling in the water

The NFL Draft is going to have a stage in the Bellagio pool, and players are going to be transported in a boat... Well, there should definitely be props on which player is going in the water.

I'm betting on Michigan to cover against Villanova because water always finds its level

Or you bet on Michigan like I'm going to because water always finds its level.

Phil Kessel will celebrate a Stanley Cup win by eating whatever he wants all summer, possibly filling the Cup with queso or hot dog water

Phil Kessel, though, you think he eats now. If he's a Stanley Cup champion, you can eat whatever you want for the rest of the summer... I wouldn't be shocked if that was a story that came out in a couple months or, like I said, just some hot dogs. Like some good old hot dog water and some boiled hot dogs.

The Waterdogs will lose both of their games this weekend against Chaos and Chrome

Today, Chaos versus Water Dogs. L for us. ...And then on Sunday, the Waterdogs take another L to the Chrome. NBC Sports Network, 1 p.m. Eastern.

I will bet on the Waterdogs and the over in every Waterdogs game

I want to be able to bet on the dogs and the over in dogs games. [Paul Rabil] says as long as we don't short our teams, we can wet our beak elsewhere.

Teddy Bridgewater will start more games than Aaron Rodgers for the rest of 2017

Which quarterback starts more games from here on forward in 2017, Aaron Rodgers or Teddy Bridgewater? Teddy Bridgewater. He's ready to go. Week 10 is what they're looking at.

Teddy Bridgewater will play for the Vikings before the 2017 season ends

I don't know what in the hell they're expecting at this point. So I think, yeah, we'll see Bridgewater before the end of the year on the field.

The Philadelphia Waterdogs will kick the shit out of the Atlas in the semifinals

We guarantee victory. We're gonna kick the shit outta the Atlas... Print it, put it on the paper. Fuck the Atlas.

The 7th PLL expansion team will be named the Waterdogs

The Waterdogs are going to be the name. I'm excited for it... Go Waterdogs.

I am going to break 120 in golf this off-season without cheating

I think this is the off season that I get really into golf... I'm gonna break 120 before, and not by cheating. I'm not gonna cheat except on maybe one water hole I'll cheat on one water hole. But besides that, I'm gonna do it straight up, just clean as can be.

The Broncos will be a profitable betting team because of Teddy Bridgewater's stability

This team, the Broncos this year will be a bet on team for me because Teddy Bridgewater is perfect for Vic Fangio's defense like a quarterback that's not going to make mistakes, not going to lose you the game. Let the defense win you the game.

I could break the underwater bench press record

The underwater bench press record was broken... repped it out 77 times, beating the previous record of 62 times. Only 110 pounds... it's more of just a holding your breath thing. So I'm kind of, you know, in the back of my head, I'm like, I could do that. I could break that record.

The Chicago Bears will win the NFC North because Teddy Bridgewater got hurt

I got the Chicago Bears [to win the NFC North]... Teddy Bridgewater got hurt. So, the only team I was worried about was the Vikings and now they're out of the way.

Fans will hate watching sports with no crowds after just two days

Two days into baseball and stadiums... with no fans in the stands and guys sitting like eight seats apart in the bleachers people going to go like this blows. I don't like this everyone hates everything. No one's gonna like it.

Tyler Linderbaum is a first-round pick and the most compelling center to watch in football

Iowa is the first football team that I've ever watched where I can't take my eyes off the center. Tyler Linderbaum. I'm giving you that name right now... This dude, he's going to be first round pick. I would take him as high as it gets. I'm in love with watching... this dude just murders people. He destroys people.

Adam Schefter will become the Ultimate Insider covering both NFL and NBA

Adam Schefter could be a candidate to replace Woj... In this scenario, Schefter would cover both the NFL and NBA as what a source called the Ultimate Insider... there's nothing you can do when someone says, Hey, you wanna be the ultimate insider?

Dog the Bounty Hunter will find Brian Laundrie before the FBI.

Dog the Bounty Hunter is on the trail of Brian Laundrie. ... What happens if Dog finds him before the FBI? He absolutely will. He's Dog the Bounty Hunter. ... Dog's like knocking on his parents [door]. ... It's over. Dog's on the case. It's done.

Lamar Jackson will not get a fully guaranteed contract like Deshaun Watson's

No, you're not gonna fully guarantee. You can give him a lot of guaranteed money... He wants the Deshaun Watson deal. From what I heard and that they're not gonna fully guarantee. The owners in this league don't want to fully guarantee contract. They were all mad that they did that in the first place.

The Browns will make a run now that Deshaun Watson is back

They could make a run. Come on guys. They have a ground game. They have receivers, they have a defense. The one missing piece was [Watson] is coming in.

Rushing Fall is the horse to watch in the Friday Breeders' Cup races

There's a horse named Rushing Fall, trained by Chad Brown... She's had two starts. She won them both. Last time out, she looked like an absolute superstar. I think she is on her way to maybe some spectacular things.

T.J. Watt will be a better player than me if he stays healthy

If he stays healthy and, and I, I hope he stays healthy and I hope he does. He'll break every record I got and he'll absolutely be a better player than me. There's no doubt for a single season, for a single, like being able to do everything. I I I won't give up that title.

Ohio State will beat Oregon in the Rose Bowl

The Rose Bowl's gonna be awesome. I think I'm gonna take Ohio State in that game. And it's mostly based on the uniforms that Oregon picked. I didn't really like 'em, I thought they should have done more classic.

Oregon will be back on top of college football in four years when Chip Kelly returns

I'm going to call my shot. I'm going to say Oregon's going to win. If we can do like four years to call who's back, in four years Oregon's going to be back to being back. ... When they get Chip Kelly back, right?

The Cardinals will have a very good, fun-to-watch offense this season

I think the Cardinals' offense is going to be very good this year... I think they might be one of those really fun teams to watch. They might not win seven or eight games, but they give us some great red zone late witching hour moments.

Deshaun Watson does not have it in him to actually sit out games to force a trade

I don't think [Deshaun Watson] has it in him, though. I really don't. I just think he wants to play football.

Deshaun Watson doesn't like football anymore and will eventually quit on this season

I think [Deshaun Watson] just doesn't like football anymore. Yeah. He's going to, he's going to quit on this season. Or the Browns will find a way out of this. Something's gonna happen.

Zion Williamson will be a Chicago Bull and his appearance in next year's dunk contest in the United Center will be an all-time moment

Zion going next year's dunk contest will be incredible because Zion Williamson, as a Chicago Bull, doing it in the United Center is going to be an all-time moment.

Watch out for the Saints as a 'don't look now' team in the NFC

The Saints might be your don't look now team. They finish against the Dolphins, Panthers and Falcons. Like they could run the table. They could be in... they still have so many, their defense is still so good. And with [Alvin] Kamara back, watch out for the Saints.

Chip Kelly will be the head coach at Oregon within the next few years

Chip Kelly back to Oregon... yeah, because they're in some turmoil. Lost three games in a row. Silicon Valley to Nike Town... Chip Kelly to Oregon, going back to college. Listen, like Skip [Bayless] and Stephen A. [Smith], they need each other, right? That's when they were both at their most successful. So I think that's definitely going to happen.

Derek Jeter will be a successful executive if given five years to fix the Marlins, and I would not bet against him.

Give [Derek Jeter] five years before passing judgment because he walked into a very difficult situation. Here's a five-time world champion, a Hall of Famer—Jeter is going to be just fine. I would not bet against Mr. Jeter.

PFT Commenter will finally beat Hank in a ping-pong match

Tuesday tuned in, we're going to go dogs at three stool streams. PFT, I think PFT's going to win. I'm hear he's going to win ping-pong against Hank.

Deshaun Watson will not have a great season due to his ACL recovery timeline

I didn't think that Deshaun Watson was going to have a great year this year because Adrian Peterson screwed it up for everybody by coming back from that ACL so quickly... It's going to be like a year and a half before he gets back to normal.

Oregon will upset Wisconsin in the first round of the 2019 NCAA Tournament

Check out that Oregon-Wisconsin game, which is a one-and-a-half-point underdog for Oregon. Huge upset coming. I've been betting on them a bunch... I was basically putting Oregon in and going to sleep.

The Steelers will be better without Antonio Brown due to addition by subtraction

I'm at the point where I'm going full-on addition by subtraction. The Steelers are going to be better without Antonio Brown.

Dan Orlovsky will do a one-on-one sit-down interview with Deshaun Watson to teach him how to 'not be horny'

I think that we are going to get a, one-on-one sit down interview with Dan Orlovsky and Deshaun Watson. And he is going to set him straight on how to not be horny... Dan Orlovsky, according to his rules, it would be like, 'Deshaun, don't ever go to a room by yourself. Don't ever be in the same room as a woman.'

The 'sports are better with fans' honeymoon phase will end by Thanksgiving

We're in a nice honeymoon phase where it is incredible to turn on a game and just be like, oh, my God, this is awesome... I think sometime around Thanksgiving, if you're still doing that, if you're still pointing out the extremely obvious sports are better with fans, you're late to it.

College Football Playoff prediction: Georgia, Michigan, Oregon, and Alabama

I'm gonna go Georgia, Michigan. I'm gonna go Oregon. I'm gonna say Oregon wins the Pac-12. First Pac-12 playoff participant since 2016. And then Alabama.

Kawhi Leonard is gone from Toronto no matter what happens in the Finals

I think he's gone no matter what. I think he's made up his mind already no matter what. There could be a world where he's like, I really love it in Toronto, but losing or winning the finals won't change that.

Deshaun Watson will be suspended for at least a full year

We're first reporting on Pardon My Take that Deshaun Watson will be suspended for [at least a full] year. Yep. On Friday... my guess is it will be a suspension for a year, and then the appeal is going to come through... then Goodell is going to be like, okay, I'll like reduce it to 14 games or 12 games.

The Cavs vs. Raptors series is over and I'm not watching another second of it

This series is going to be brutal to watch. Maybe the Raptors play close for four quarters in Toronto for one game, but I don't even give them that... the Cavs are locked in. They're on a different level right now. So this series is over as far as I'm concerned.

XFL quarterback Landry Jones will be an NFL or college football broadcaster within a year and a half.

I think that he [Landry Jones] wants to get a gig being an analyst or being in the booth next year. I think that's what he's angling for because he's being like super Pro... you will see Landry Jones in some sort of Booth or behind a desk within the next year and a half.

Deshaun Watson will be rusty and the Texans will cover +7

Texans plus seven Dashaun Watson's coming back. He is playing his first game of football since January 3rd, 2021. That's essentially two years. In between football games. That's a long time. It's a long time to not play football. Yes.

Aaron Rodgers wants the Jets to break up with him, not the other way around

I think Aaron Rodgers doesn't want to come back to the Jets, but he wants them to be the ones that break up with him. He's been needling Woody Johnson... I think he wants them to end it. And then he'll see if anyone out there really wants him.

Florida is my primary sleeper team to watch in the NCAA Tournament

A team that intrigues me is Florida. They intrigue me because they got size, speed shooters, guys. Golden's a hell of a coach. He did a great job at San Francisco.

Travis Hunter will be more impactful as a Wide Receiver than a Cornerback in the NFL

I think everybody I've talked to has a plan to major in minor... I think he's ready, he's more impactful as a receiver right now. And so I, to me, I think that's where you start him... I think he is right now ready to go. There's a ton of ways we can get the ball in his hands and I just think he impacts the game more on offense.

Adam Schefter will likely leave ESPN in the near future

Schefter... maybe Schefter thinking, you know, I'm going to be leaving ESPN soon. I can start giving a couple back here... Do you think Schefter lets Rappaport break the news that he leaves ESPN?

There is a 94.9% chance Deshaun Watson is traded before the deadline

95 is the kiss of death. I should say 94.9 because I've learned anytime anybody says there's a 95% chance of something happening, it never happens. So 94.9% chance. Miami 75, Carolina 24, 1% some crazy wildcard team.