Takes

World War III is overrated and the term is being overused

My Who's Back of the Week is World War III. We're doing it again, boys. I think this is the fifth World War III that's happened in the last four years. ... I'm so sick of everyone saying World War III just started.

Chernobyl was an inside job by Russia to discourage nuclear energy and protect their gas interests

I had one the other day that actually I completely believe that Chernobyl was on purpose. Everyone was doing nuclear power plants and Russia has a shitload of oil and gas and so they're like, Hey, let's blow up a nuclear PowerPoint plant and scare the fuck outta everyone about nuclear energy. And everyone stopped doing nuclear energy or inside job.

Joe Biden's dog Commander is just Major Biden with a different name

Joe Biden got a new German Shepherd. It has also bitten four people. There's no, that's Major Biden. I'm saying they didn't kick out Major. They just were like, 'yeah, we sent Major away. We got a new dog. Looks exactly like Major.' He just went on and just started biting everyone again.

The Russian Wagner Group rebellion was a PSYOP intended to dupe Ukraine

It was a PSYOP for the market. There was a PSYOP. Okay, Putin's Gucci. He just did that whole thing to make Ukraine think they could take back Bakhmut and then they're gonna do a pincer move on him... They were able to move troops under the guise that they're doing a coup. And now Ukraine thought they were going to Moscow, but now they're just North [of Bakhmut].

The Statue of Liberty was a bad gift from the French because of high maintenance and war obligations

The statue of Liberty was low key, a pretty shitty thing for the French to do to us. They just made this giant sculpture outta bronze. And it's like, here, you have to clean this every day or else it's gonna turn green and it's a big fucking woman and you ha it's so big that you have to find an island to put it on and oh yeah. It's also gonna make, you have to fight on our side in every war that happens from now until the end of eternity.

U.S. politicians should settle disputes in MMA matches

Two politicians down in Brazil... had a three round MMA fight, which was sick... I really wish I kinda wish that would happen more in the United States and other places.

Undecided voters deserve to be pushed off a building

If you're an undecided voter you deserve to be pushed off a building. If you don't know who you're going to vote for, do they exist? If you're an undecided voter tweet at us because I'm so interested in how you put on a hat in the morning without giving yourself a concussion.

The Mississippi state flag should feature the logo of the most recent Egg Bowl winner

It should be if depending on who wins the Egg Bowl that year if it's Ole Miss or if it's Mississippi State their logo gets to go in the upper left-hand Corner the flag for the remainder that year... that would be incredible the flagpole.

Stephen A. Smith can now win the Presidency after condoning legal marijuana

Steven Naismith just condoned legal marijuana. I think he actually now can win election as president of the United States... No one is going to beat him in a debate unless he's going up against Skip Bayless.

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are moving to Canada as part of a British monarchy plan to retake dominance over the country

I think that this is the British monarchy trying to retake over Canada... Canada is like four Greenlands put together... This is the United Kingdom trying to retake over and establish dominance over Canada.

The United States should just invade Greenland if Denmark won't sell it

There are other ways to take over a country besides buying it like fuck it. Let's just ride. Well, what's Denmark going to do to stop us from invading green? Nothing. Absolutely. Nothing. Yeah. There's probably some treaty that would stop it. But that's a piece of paper. Denmark has bigger fish to fry.

George W. Bush was likely on steroids for his 9/11 first pitch

Greatest first pitch of all time... How come nobody's ever asked? Was George Bush on steroids? It was the height of the steroid era. Did W take PED? ... why wouldn't you rub a little bit of cream on your arm? Absolutely. Put some clear underneath your tongue.

Donald Trump was intimidated by Nick Foles' physical presence

I think Trump might have been a little intimidated having Nick Foles... True, big dick Nick. You can't have a guy like that storm into your Oval Office... Especially with Melania around now. He basically becomes the president.

Melania Trump's absence is a genius way to control the media narrative

I hope she's just it actually is genius. If I could totally see like President Trump being like, let's just have Melania never be shown in public again. Just so there's always like a conspiracy theory in my back pocket that can take like take control of the media narrative at any point.

Marlins Man is likely joining Donald Trump's legal defense team because top firms are rejecting him.

My theory is that I think that Lawrence Levy, Marlins Man, is joining the Donald Trump dream team because Trump can't get any more lawyers to represent him. He's been rejected by like five or six of the top law firms. Marlins Man's probably number seven or number eight. And if I was in a tough spot and I needed somebody on my side to just like harass my opponent until they got so annoyed... I'm going to Marlins Man probably first.

NASA is creating neon clouds to distract Donald Trump and maintain their funding

The fake nerds at NASA are just doing anything that they can to stay in front of Donald Trump, like distracting him like a laser pointer on the wall that says NASA so they can keep getting funding. They're back on their bullshit. They're making fake colored clouds. Shooting rockets up and just shooting out neon colored clouds.

Dennis Rodman is the greatest American diplomat in history

Dennis Rodman... has proven that he is the greatest American diplomat in history... He just went to North Korea. But he freed that hostage that was over there.

The US has never bombed a country that could play basketball

We've never bombed a country that could play basketball. It's true. It's the NBA war theory.

Colin Kaepernick's humanitarian aid in Somalia is actually supporting piracy

He flew like 60 tons of food to Somalia, which if you want to take it to its logical conclusion, which we always do, he is supporting piracy, right? Because some of those kids are going to grow up and become pirates.

Donald Trump not filling out a March Madness bracket is the most treasonous thing a person could do

Trump has said that he's not filling out a bracket for March Madness. Not filling out a bracket is probably the most treasonous thing you could do. I agree. I think that this could be what flips some Republicans.

Donald Trump is the Rosa Parks of white presidents

Donald Trump... he's basically the Rosa Parks of white presidents. He's healing our nation. We finally have a white guy as a president.

Donald Trump paid 'creepy clowns' to create chaos in America before the election

What happened to the clowns?... Chaos is good for Trump. You don't think Trump bought some clowns and had them kind of have some panic around America? Because that's coincidental that the clowns are just not here anymore... they just disappeared.

Curt Schilling loses his man card for needing his wife's permission to run for Senate

Curt Schilling said today that he is running for the U.S. Senate. He's made his decision. He's going to run, but he hasn't talked to his wife yet. And, yeah, he has to ask her permission... Man card on Curt. Hand over your man card.

Ken Bone is a plant for the coal industry

Ken Bone, his employer — one of the biggest coal plants in America. And also a coal company that is opposed to climate change... regulations... So I don't know where these dots lead to, but it seems like a plant to me. Coal plant.

Ken Bone is a government plant to distract us from the election

I think that Ken Bone is either a plant for the Red Sweater Company... or he might be just a guy that's inserted in there to make us just stop freaking out about the election. I think that Ken Bone might actually be like a Jason Bourne type situation where he's an assassin.

Losing an election should result in an immediate prison sentence

That should actually be the rule in this country. If you lose the election, you should have to go to prison.

Rodney Harrison is 'appropriating white culture' by judging who is black enough

Rodney Harrison said earlier today that he didn't think that Colin Kaepernick was black enough to complain about being discriminated against. As a white guy, Rodney Harrison is frankly appropriating white culture by determining who is and isn't black enough to be discriminated against. That's something that white people have been doing for a very long time. And we do it well.

Donald Trump is trying to lose the election to start a cable news network

I'm so convinced that [Trump's] trying to lose. And if you think about it, it sets up perfectly for him to lose. He has somebody to blame, press, the other Republicans... He then can go back, start his own cable TV news network, employ his children on each one of the shows, won't have to do the heavy lifting that's involved in being president... He said something today about the fact that it wouldn't be so bad if he lost. It wouldn't be the end of the world. That's the first little step.

Vladimir Putin's decision to dope the Paralympic team shows an admirable commitment to winning.

I almost respect that. Like I'm now kind of on Putin's side. If you're going to the extreme lengths of taking your most vulnerable citizens and saying, we're going to pump you up with horse steroids, that's at least a commitment to winning.