Hank

Duke will win the 2019 National Championship by double digits

[Duke] wins the championship by... 20? ... I'm not worried at all... There was never a single point where I was worried, and I'm going to continue to not be worried.

Mike Davis is a better fit for the Bears' offense than Jordan Howard

I don't know if [Mike Davis] is much more talented than Jordan Howard, but he's shown an ability to catch footballs, which makes him a better fit [for the Bears].

Zion Williamson will play in the ACC tournament this year

Zion is going to play, and he's going to play the ACC tournament. I don't think [they're saving him for the NCAA] because they know you need to get warmed up.

The Celtics can still beat the 76ers, Bucks, and Raptors in a playoff series

The thing with the Celtics and the thing with the Eastern Conference is that, yes, the Celtics are kind of a dumpster fire right now... but I could still see a situation where the Celtics could beat the Sixers, they could beat the Bucks, they could beat the Raptors. And all it takes is you need to win one series, and then it's like everything going forward.

Lacrosse is the sport of the future

Good indication of the sport of the future. I saw that highlight on my feed more than baseball, rugby, basketball, any other sport.

The Boston Celtics are a complete dumpster fire

Celtics are a complete dumpster fire. I don't really have any championship spin zones. I don't really have any optimistic to say about them. I'm kind of just hoping that it's like one of those things where they're just going through the motions in the regular season.

I would still take Brad Stevens over LeBron James

Still take Brad Stevens. [over LeBron].

The world will be over in 15 years

I think take away the zero [from 150 years]. Oh, 15. ... [The world's] done.

Alex O'Connell is a top five player in the nation

[Coach K] is going to now have two months to get this team with the number two and number three recruit in the nation, Alex O'Connell, top five player in the nation, in my opinion.

Duke will win the national championship by 20 points despite losing Zion Williamson

Imagine how miserable you were already going to be when they [Duke] win the national championship by 20. Like now that this [Zion injury] happens and you guys got the excitement of me getting the cat, like it's going to be so much worse for you.

Manny Machado is effectively early retiring by signing with the San Diego Padres

Manny Machado decided, guess what, 10 years, $300 million, San Diego, where I can kind of just go chill. Like, this is basically a – I'm just going to – he almost is early retiring.

You should fade Wisconsin in the NCAA Tournament this year

Also, PSA to just fade Wisconsin in the NCAA tournament.

Championship trophies are back in Boston because Jayson Tatum won the Skills Challenge

Championship trophies are back in Boston because Jayson Tatum won the skills competition... it's just good to bring the winning culture back to Boston.

If Duke doesn't reach the Sweet 16, I will buy and keep a cat

Sweet 16, you got a deal... So if Trey Jones is injured, they'll still get to the Sweet 16... No, you guys definitely fucking planned this before the show... I'm so confident in Duke that it doesn't matter.

Will Grier is the ideal quarterback for the Patriots to draft as Tom Brady's successor

I pray that [the Patriots' next QB] is Will Grier. He's primed for that late first round, second round, third round even.

The Celtics should trade whatever it takes to get Anthony Davis in his prime

If you can get a player like Anthony Davis in his prime, you do whatever it takes to get him. It's the exact same thing as the Khalil Mack situation. ...In the offseason, they're probably going to trade their entire team for Anthony Davis.

The Celtics are going to go on a run where they win eight out of their next eleven games

You can book the Celtics going on like an 8 out of 11 streak from here on out. Book it. Soon.

I wanted the Patriots to win another Super Bowl now because Tom Brady's window is closing

I would say the Patriots just because Brady's window is closing. So the more he can get in before he retires, the better.

I read Thailand and I thought China, or I said Chiland, and then I said Thailand

Heather, who would never kiss anyone in her life, kissed Colton on their one date in Thailand... I read Thailand and I thought China, or I said Chiland, and then I said Thailand.

The Patriots are going to kill the Rams in the Super Bowl

I think Pat's going to kill him. I know we love Jared on the show. Good friend of the program. But the fact that he is, like, listening to all our episodes... it seems like he's not, like, as focused. McVay is going to get beaten by Belichick in some way, shape, or form at some point during the game.

Kawhi Leonard buying a house in San Diego means he is joining the Clippers or Lakers

Kawhi Leonard has just bought a house for $13.3 million in Los Angeles... San Diego area. It seems like an awfully convenient time for him to do that.

Caitlin and Hannah B from The Bachelor are manipulative liars

The beef between two former pageant girls. Caitlin and Hannah B. heated up as they accused each other of being manipulative liars. So this was, you know, they had the one-on-one dates and they were spending the time on their one-on-one dates talking shit about the other girl.

There is a 75% chance Tom Brady retires if the Patriots win the Super Bowl

Put a percent chance that if the New England Patriots win the Super Bowl, Tom Brady says, I'm off. I'm done. I'm riding off in the sunset John Elway style. [Hank]: 75%? It would be the ultimate way to go out. I hope he does.

Soulja Boy had the biggest comeback in the rap industry in 2018

My who's back of the week is... Big Draco, Soulja Boy... he claimed he had the biggest comeback in 2018, which he probably did. He's got a video game console... First rapper with a console. Huge difference. He's back. He's going to have a huge 2019.

Prelated is the new word for wishing someone an early birthday

When you want to wish someone a happy early birthday, say happy prelated. Because his birthday is Saturday... People are with people whose birthdays are like the next day, next week, whatever, and you don't want to say happy early birthday.

The Hulu Fyre Festival documentary is better than the Netflix one because the Netflix producers were complicit in the scam.

Hulu pulled up, pulled the alpha move and just released theirs like two or three days beforehand. And it has the actual founder of the Fyre Festival in the documentary... It will probably be better than the Netflix one because in the Hulu one, it says that the one produced by Netflix is featuring the Fuck Jerry people who were like complicit. Very, very, very complicit.

Kyrie Irving is pulling a 'LeBron' by publicly blaming his young teammates for the Celtics' struggles.

Kyrie has been very outspoken, saying that the young guys need to pick it up. They don't have what it takes to be a championship team as of now. He's pulling a LeBron on them when LeBron was the one he hated.

Tom Brady's ultimate goal is to win more championships than any individual NFL franchise has in total

He [Brady] wants to get more championships than any other franchise has by himself.

I am 80% confident the Patriots will beat the Chiefs in Kansas City

[Big Cat]: What's your confidence level going to Kansas City? [Hank]: 80%.

Kyler Murray isn't worth first-round money and won't be good in the NFL because he's under six feet tall

Since the AFL-NFL merger in 1970, there have been 107 QBs selected in the first round of the draft... [Number of QBs shorter than six feet]: Zero. So... Kyler Murray might not be worth all the money that he thinks he's worth in the NFL... or he's not going to be as good in the NFL as people think he is because he's not that tall.

NyQuil Listerine is a million-dollar product idea

NyQuil Listerine. Both of these things, they look the same. Basically the same packaging. Combine them into one... You have your Dayquil Listerine for the morning and the Nightquil Listerine for night.

The Carolina Panthers will be on Hard Knocks in 2019

I'm predicting the Panthers for hard knocks officially... they got it in my head, so now I'm just going with it. They have a new owner. We're going to spend three episodes with him.

Losing Josh Gordon makes the Patriots focus more and gives them a playoff advantage

Luckily, they— Everyone's saying that [they're done]. So it's basically they just have to dig deep, worry about coaching, and worry about fundamentals, which is where they have the advantage over every other team. And so losing Josh Gordon and knowing that Gronk might not be healthy, it's like, all right, everyone has to focus extra and then execute in the playoffs.

Bryce Harper will sign with the Philadelphia Phillies

Bold prediction. Phillies.

Tom Brady's age is finally starting to catch up to him

I think there's a lot of factors in play. Brady might be—age might be catching up to him. [Big Cat: Are you worried?] Yes.

The Buccaneers will cover +7.5 against the Ravens

My walk of the week is going to be the Bucs. Maybe even sprinkle a little bit. The Bucs. [Against] The Ravens. Plus seven and a half.

The Patriots' loss to the Dolphins will motivate them to a championship

It is one of those losses that... shows up in the beginning of a championship DVD. The Pats lost to the Dolphins in heartbreaking fashion. They fucked up their defense. They kind of woke up. They're going to go into the film room. Belichick's going to tear into them, and that's what's going to give them the motivation they need to push through the playoffs.

The Migos rapper Offset is a 'gold digger' in his divorce from Cardi B

Migos rapper stands to make $50 million in a divorce with Cardi B. ... New York law is clear that any asset that is acquired or developed during a marriage is owned 50% by each spouse, and Cardi B's entire brand was developed during her marriage to Offset. ... So he doesn't have to give her 50% of his shit because it was already, like, created.

The song 'Mo Bamba' is officially dead now that Big Cat is singing it

My Hot Seat is... Mo Bamba. The song. Because Big Cat finally has become aware of it, has been singing it nonstop for the past couple days. So that's pretty much as clear as day sign that it's over.

The Office will be rebooted within the next six months

I'm now just going to call my shot that within six months, [The Office] will be rebooted... Hank Guarantee. Yep. Six months.

This is the week the Patriots propel themselves back to the top of the NFL

Everyone's been talking about the Rams, Chiefs, Saints. They've all been kind of shown as frauds. They have weaknesses. This will be the week the Pats propel themselves back to the top of the league.

The Jimmy Butler experiment with the 76ers will be a success

Jimmy Butler hit another game winner from the same exact spot. Yes, he did. So it turns out maybe that experiment is going to turn out good for this.

The Office is definitely coming back for a revival

My Who's Back of the Week is The Office... Steve Carell hosted SNL. It was a great, hilarious SNL... they said it's not coming back. But it's definitely one of those things where they're just getting people used to talking about it so when it comes back, they're excited.

Mitchell Trubisky will have a coming-out game against the Vikings

This is a coming out game for Mitchell [Trubisky]. Yes. Absolutely. He's going to put on a show.

Bol Bol will get injured this season because he is way too tall

My sit-em is Bol Bol. This guy is way too fucking tall. There's no way he makes it this whole season without getting hurt... he wears short shorts, so it makes him look even taller.

Steph Curry might leave the Warriors for the Lakers

Aisha Curry recently followed Vanessa Bryant on Instagram. So what if Steph was the one to leave the Warriors, go to the Lakers, and leaves KD to deal with Draymond and all the trash in Golden State?

Jimmer Fredette will get another shot in the NBA

The Mormon Megalodon dropped 75 in China... He'll get another shot. I don't know about that. We'll see.

Duke could beat the Cleveland Cavaliers

Zion Williamson, R.J. Barrett, Alex O'Connell. It's the big three, and Paul Pierce told them they could beat the Cavs, and they could. Dukes, yeah.

Soap can't get dirty because it cleans itself

My friend uses a bar of soap to clean his ass crack and uses it the next day on his whole body... He says soap can't get dirty, so it's fine. [Hank says] He's right. You're wrong. It's like soap cleans itself all the time because it's layers.

Nebraska will upset Ohio State

Nebraska's been really bad this week. They're fixing for a big upset. If they lost this game, Urban Meyer's out. I think they're going to lose. I think he's out.