Takes

I was the one who ran Kevin Durant out of Golden State

The one that is probably closest to the truth is I ran [Kevin Durant] out of town... Because I'm not begging anyone for this. I've worked too hard in my life to beg anyone for anything.

Exposing your 'boys' to sunlight increases testosterone.

Never tried it, but there is evidence that if you get sun on your boys, that your testosterone will go up.

Alex Ovechkin might actually be 46 years old due to age technicalities with Russian players

The most amazing thing about the Ovy Gold chase is... He could be like 46 years old. Like you never know with Russians. So the fact that he's like, could be a little older is even crazier.

The Tasmanian Tiger is likely not extinct and lives in Papua New Guinea

The one that sits on the top reign supreme is an animal called a Thylacine. Tasmanian tiger... it managed to get a pilot and get picked up and turned into a series... because it used to range like 4,000 years ago... there are still ongoing reports from tribes and villages of striped dogs and all these things in Papua New Guinea. That's the area that I think needs the biggest exposure.

There was a 30% chance Taylor Swift would attend the Beer Olympics

I've heard from multiple reports that Will said there was a 30% chance that Taylor Swift was gonna come to the beer Olympics... You never know. I think there's still a chance she might show up... when Dave was really wasn't on board, he was like, you could get me back. If you get Taylor Swift there. Right. Okay. So we're like, okay, there's a shot.

Tiger Woods definitely used HGH to come back from his injuries

Tiger If you ever wanna come on the podcast... did Tiger ever do do steroids? You think I Why doesn't it get talked about though? ... He definitely, it's just out of respect for him. Is it, is it deference? He definitely used it to come back from stuff for sure. ... I think he without a doubt a hundred percent used HGH to come back from injuries.

Aaron Rodgers might run for Vice President with RFK Jr.

Aaron Rodgers might run for Vice President... He's being considered and is considering the opportunity right now. Mr. Kennedy confirmed on Tuesday that the two men [Rodgers and Jesse Ventura] were at the top of his list.

Only Jokic, Luka, and Giannis are untradeable for the Wembanyama pick

Jokic, you'd hang up. Luka, you'd hang up. Giannis, you'd hang up. Embiid, you'd trade him. Tatum probably [trade him]. Booker... the list is probably like three guys. ... Normally I'd go, well wait, I don't wanna trade a guy who I know has already done it for somebody that I've never seen actually do it. But that's how special Victor is.

I am not moving to Chicago with the rest of the show

I will not be moving to Chicago. Kind of been in denial about it. It sucks to say there are various parts of my life that I keep private that impacted this decision. I hope you guys respect the decision. Please just remember that I am the only one who can weigh all the factors that impact my life.

Jeffrey Epstein was definitely a CIA asset running a honey pot operation

I'm fully, I have Alex Jones myself on, on the whole Epstein situation because I know if you, if you connect all the dots, the dude was working for the CIA. ... He cultivated all these different networks of people... befriending the most powerful people in the world got them in a honey pot operation... And he was working for the CIA as well on their payroll.

I am the Neil Armstrong of Pac-Man

What's absolutely gorgeous about [the perfect Pac-Man score] is other people can do it. Friends can play, we can learn. We can teach. We can have fun. They can do it. But they're simply repeating what I already did. Right. There's only one man who stepped on the moon first... so it's fun being Neil Armstrong.

There might be as few as one intelligent civilization per galaxy

I think there's a good argument that there might be a very few of those. And actually there's a reasonable argument we might assume there's about one per galaxy on average, any one time, which means that we're it.

Unspayed ferrets will die if they do not get pregnant

Unspayed ferrets will die if they don't get pregnant. Die of stress.

Troy Vincent was the source for the false Deflategate report

We outed the source for Chris Mortensen's report that 11 to 12 footballs were two pounds underinflated... That was false information that was given to him by Troy Vincent from the NFL office. We report that in Playmakers.

Olympic runners are breaking world records because there are no fans to suck the oxygen out of the stadium

If there's no crowd at all, does that mean that there's more oxygen for the people to breathe on the track? ... They're sucking all the oxygen out normally, but when there's no fans there, it's a richer environment for especially distance runners to be able to breathe more efficiently.

Tortoises have no natural lifetime and never die of old age

Tortoises have no natural lifetime. Only be killed by other things. They never die of old age... if you left a tortoise alone and kept like forever, right.

If I get into a fight, I would be charged with murder because my hands are registered weapons

I got legal hands, I can't fight anybody. No seriously, like legally I'd get murder not manslaughter if I get into a fight with someone... because I was registered in a professional boxing match.

Bats can predict the future using echolocation

Bats can actually see into the future because they predict where the inset... They've gotten so good at using echolocation, they can predict where an insect is going by processing the spatial information... So they can predict the future.

Kim Jong-un faked his coma to test the loyalty of his inner circle

Kim Jong-un is back from the coma... His sister has now disappeared. So I think that he did a little switch to make sure to see who's loyal to him.

I could still play a limited role in the NFL or MLB today

I assume that if you put on the pads or grab the bat you could make a NFL or MLB team today. Do you think that that's true or am I maybe exaggerating your skills? [Deion]: That is true, but I would have to play a limited role... I could play nickel at a free safety and football and baseball I could pinch Runner.

Clay Travis had the worst prediction of the year for saying COVID-19 deaths would not reach the thousands

Clay Travis... said I'd be surprised if we get into the thousands when talking about total coronavirus deaths in the U.S. however turns out he's actually right because there's 20 times more people that have been infected than not [sarcastic delivery].

Michael Jordan's claim that I was the source for 'The Jordan Rules' is a lie

For MJ to say I wasn't the source of this book, that's a lie. That's a downright lie and he knows that... Sam Smith spent more time with Bill Cartwright, BJ Armstrong, Paxson, Tex Winter, Johnny Bach... I don't know where that comes that I was the source behind the book. It's a straight-up lie.

I am a better kicker than the kickers at Alabama

Alabama could do a lot worse. Dude, I'm a better kicker than Alabama. Saban would have another chip if he had you as a kicker. That's a fact.

I could still run for 500 to 600 yards in a season if I played in the NFL today

Maybe I can put up, I don't know, 500, 600 yards, something like that for the season... at 50, I feel like I could run maybe a 4.5, 4.6 [40-yard dash], right?

Scoring a high amount of points is a curse that prevents winning championships

Scoring points is bad, and you should actually be bad on offense... The 12 highest scoring teams in NFL history have zero championships. Zero. That's good enough for me. Zero championships. Scoring points is bad. You do not want to score points.

Human hearts have a finite number of beats, so running is bad for you

As far as I'm concerned, your heart only has a finite amount of beats programmed into it at birth. It's like eggs in a woman. So I don't want to raise my heart rate too high because then it's not going to be around to beat when I'm past the age of 70.

The umbilical cord acts like a snorkel so pregnant women can swim without the baby drowning

Umbilical cord is like a snorkel. So if you keep your belly button above the water is fine. That's actually fact for real. Yeah, that's how babies breathe.

I use Microsoft Excel for everything, including writing poems and drawing pictures

I do everything in Excel. Everything in Excel. I draw pictures in Excel. Excel is the first thing I learned, and I've stayed with it. I'm a disciple of Excel... You can format the cell and do three to four lines or six. They can overlap. It's a very versatile piece of software.

I will keep making the pinky bet until I actually lose the tip of my pinky

I'm addicted to it, and next year I'm going to pick a team to cut my pinky off if they win the Super Bowl. ... I will not stop this bet until I cut off the tip of my pinky.

Science has not proven what causes CTE or what CTE causes

It probably sparked the book more than anything is when i kept hearing this from the experts... is a pattern we don't know what causes it and we don't know what it causes we have cases where people have played football people who've played sports and people have not played sports and not had concussions and not had history of head trauma.

No two countries with American football have ever gone to war with each other

I sat back. I crunched the numbers. No two countries that have American football have ever gone to war with each other. [Countries like] Mexico. Canada. Canada... they have Canadian football. Yeah, it's the same thing.

Vladimir Putin hands out unlimited credit cards to high-end Russian hockey players

I've just heard some rumblings, and it's been confirmed by a few guys that, like, Putin basically hands out credit cards to all these high-end Russian hockey players like Malkin and Ovechkin. Where basically they could just go, like if you say they want to pop bottles one night, they just go, they just put it on the Russian credit card.

Patrick Mahomes would have been the target for the Saints at pick 11 in 2017

Mahomes certainly would have been a target at 11 [in the 2017 NFL Draft]... Mahomes certainly would have been a target at 11.

No short quarterback has ever won a Super Bowl

If you are walking on the street and someone says, hey, I love Baker Mayfield, you say, hey, Josh Allen's tall. You've got to see over your offensive line. No short quarterback has ever won a Super Bowl.

Drinking alcohol makes you smarter by killing your weakest brain cells first

when you drink enough, it actually kills brain cells. That's a fact... If you kill brain cells, it's targeting the smaller, weaker brain cells first. Like a buffalo herd, and if you get rid of the weak ones, then it makes your brain function more efficiently.

Tom Brady is right that drinking water prevents sunburns because fish never get sunburned

Tom Brady has actually – he's the scientist who has found the nourishing effects of water. Well, I'd like to point out that I've never seen a sunburned fish in my life, and they are just surrounded by water all the time.

Tony Romo is driving NFL ratings down by spoiling the games

I think he's driving the ratings down because you're not going to go... People turn off the TV right as he says [the play]. They know what's going to happen. It's like right when Napster came out, people stopped going to the record store and buying CDs. Why would you buy the cow if you can get the milk for free from Tony?

19% of current MLB players use steroids

I'm going to say... 19% [of MLB players use steroids]. They have a drug testing problem and they have a penalization problem. Chemists are starting to get one step ahead and start maintaining that one step ahead of the drug testing.

Draymond Green did not actually kick LeBron James in the groin in the 2016 Finals

No, that didn't happen... I'm saying that LeBron James had no idea that he even hit the fabric when that happened, and not until he went to the locker room and he saw the videotape, and then he became LeBron Blames... The dick kick didn't happen.

Pee on your hands releases pheromones that make women find you irresistible

If you don't wash your hands, you're actually preserving the pheromones that women find irresistible. So a little pee on your hands... actually turns women into soup. Just melts that labia clean off.

Avril Lavigne died in 2003 and was replaced by a body double named Melissa

Basically, the idea of this thread was that Avril Lavigne in 2003... committed suicide. But because she was so famous at the time, her record company kept her alive by not saying that she died and then just using her body double as Avril Lavigne going forward... There's recordings, like vocal recordings that sound completely different.

Sammy Sosa put Chicago on the map when nobody knew where it was

Sammy Sosa did an interview today... Sammy also said when nobody knew who Chicago was, I put Chicago on the map. So the third largest city right after Michael Jordan was the greatest player of all time. Sammy Sosa made people know, hey, Chicago's here. It's in Illinois.

Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen might be getting a divorce

Like, maybe things aren't going so well in paradise? Maybe the big D word coming down the pike? Like, maybe he doesn't have such close ties with Brazil anymore?

Adam Morrison has an apocalypse bunker with guns and food in Spokane

Adam Morrison is like an apocalypse-like guy who has – does he have like gold and cash and he's got a bunker? He's definitely fully equipped. He's got food, everything, if anything went down. He thinks something's going down with politics.

Zack Hample is a 100% liar regarding how he obtained his Fort Bragg ticket

I decided to tell the truth and call out the liar and his friends and his family. ... [Zack Hample] is [a liar] absolutely, positively, 100%. And I've given him an opportunity to come clean, and like say, I'm sorry, you know, I made a mistake... He needs to say it because in about a couple of hours, he's going to be proven to be a 100% liar.

Maria Sharapova being caught for PEDs proves Serena Williams is using them too

My witch hunt is actually going to be, I think that this proves without a doubt that Serena Williams has been using PEDs. Because Sharapova is 2-19 against Serena Williams while Sharapova was taking PED.

Kevin Love is the best player of all time because he is 12-0 in the playoffs

People forget that Kevin Love is undefeated in the NBA playoffs... He's undefeated. 12-0. The Cavs literally never lost with Kevin Love. Kevin Love has literally never lost in the playoffs. He's maybe the best player of all time.

The Green Bay Packers drafted a serial killer and he's the biggest bust in NFL history

People forget that the Green Bay Packers drafted a serial killer. In 1974, they drafted a legit serial killer. His name is Randy Woodfield... Would you say he's like the biggest bust in NFL draft history?

Doing somersaults cures muscle cramps

My fun fact is that if you get a cramp, doing somersaults gets rid of the cramp. ... I was playing golf with my friends, and he just started doing somersaults. And I was like, why? And he said, it's because you get cramps, and that gets rid of him.

Greg Maddux was a sick individual in the clubhouse who used teammates' clothes to clean himself

He [Greg Maddux] was a sick individual to say the least. You know, there was nothing that was off limits for Greg. You know, he wasn't opposed to going into somebody's locker and grabbing a piece of piece of clothing and using it to clean himself in various ways and things of that nature.