Takes

The Seattle Seahawks will sell for $10 billion

Somebody told me $10 billion... You're buying the defending Super Bowl champion. That's never happened. Right? You're buying an organization that's run very well... It's a great buying opportunity.

The claim that I ran Kevin Durant out of Golden State is closer to the truth than the claim that I begged him to join the team.

The one that is probably closest to the truth is I ran [Kevin Durant] out of town... Because I'm not begging anyone for this... I don't quite know if I ran him myself. But I'll take that one.

Exposing your 'boys' to sunlight increases testosterone.

Never tried it, but there is evidence that if you get sun on your boys, that your testosterone will go up.

Alex Ovechkin might actually be 46 years old due to age technicalities with Russian players

The most amazing thing about the Ovy Gold chase is... He could be like 46 years old. Like you never know with Russians. So the fact that he's like, could be a little older is even crazier.

The Tasmanian Tiger is likely not extinct and lives in Papua New Guinea

The one that sits on the top reign supreme is an animal called a Thylacine. Tasmanian tiger... it managed to get a pilot and get picked up and turned into a series... because it used to range like 4,000 years ago... there are still ongoing reports from tribes and villages of striped dogs and all these things in Papua New Guinea. That's the area that I think needs the biggest exposure.

There was a 30% chance Taylor Swift would attend the Beer Olympics

I've heard from multiple reports that Will said there was a 30% chance that Taylor Swift was gonna come to the beer Olympics... You never know. I think there's still a chance she might show up... when Dave was really wasn't on board, he was like, you could get me back. If you get Taylor Swift there. Right. Okay. So we're like, okay, there's a shot.

Aaron Rodgers might run for Vice President with RFK Jr.

Aaron Rodgers might run for Vice President... He's being considered and is considering the opportunity right now. Mr. Kennedy confirmed on Tuesday that the two men [Rodgers and Jesse Ventura] were at the top of his list.

I knew what 'disingenuous' meant in high school

No, I think what it meant is not only did you not know what disingenuous means, I did. But you did. You had to look it up. No, and that's not, didn't I actually knew what that meant when I was in high school.

I learned how to run before I learned how to walk

I learned to run before I learned to walk.

Only Jokic, Luka, and Giannis are untradeable for the Wembanyama pick

Jokic, you'd hang up. Luka, you'd hang up. Giannis, you'd hang up. Embiid, you'd trade him. Tatum probably [trade him]. Booker... the list is probably like three guys. ... Normally I'd go, well wait, I don't wanna trade a guy who I know has already done it for somebody that I've never seen actually do it. But that's how special Victor is.

I am not moving to Chicago with the rest of the show

I will not be moving to Chicago. Kind of been in denial about it. It sucks to say there are various parts of my life that I keep private that impacted this decision. I hope you guys respect the decision. Please just remember that I am the only one who can weigh all the factors that impact my life.

Jeffrey Epstein was definitely a CIA asset running a honey pot operation

I'm fully, I have Alex Jones myself on, on the whole Epstein situation because I know if you, if you connect all the dots, the dude was working for the CIA. ... He cultivated all these different networks of people... befriending the most powerful people in the world got them in a honey pot operation... And he was working for the CIA as well on their payroll.

Jack Nic-KLAUS rejected a hundred million dollars from the Saudi golf league

My cool throne is Jack Nic-KLAUS, who rejected a hundred million dollars to not go to the Saudi golf league... Wait — Jack Nic-KLAUS? Jack Nicklaus. He said it like— It took me two seconds to realize that's who he was talking about. Oh God, what planet did you— Billy rejected a hundred million dollars... Good for Jack Nic-KLAUS. It's fucking spelled— Spell name. Nicklaus. Wow. I've only read his name.

There might be as few as one intelligent civilization per galaxy

I think there's a good argument that there might be a very few of those. And actually there's a reasonable argument we might assume there's about one per galaxy on average, any one time, which means that we're it.

Information is never truly destroyed by a black hole and could theoretically be reconstructed

It seems now that's what happens in black holes. So you throw the book in, and then at some point in the distant future, you could collect all the Hawking radiation that comes off and reconstruct the book... if some sufficiently clever, super advanced civilization, if they could collect all the Hawking radiation and put it into some quantum computer would actually reconstruct you.

Unspayed ferrets will die if they do not get pregnant

Unspayed ferrets will die if they don't get pregnant. Die of stress.

Urban Meyer didn't actually finger that woman; his hand just brushed against the denim

There's two schools of thought on buttfingering, really. First up, it didn't go inside the denim. If you really zoom in, the denim never dents. So it was more like a brushing. It was a grace. It was a flyby. It was kind of the foreplay at the bar.

Olympic runners are breaking world records because there are no fans to suck the oxygen out of the stadium

If there's no crowd at all, does that mean that there's more oxygen for the people to breathe on the track? ... They're sucking all the oxygen out normally, but when there's no fans there, it's a richer environment for especially distance runners to be able to breathe more efficiently.

My worst one was island gorilla — I thought it was a lowland gorilla from the island

My personal opinion, the worst one was island gorilla... Lowland gorilla. Oh yeah. You thought it was the gorilla from Des Moines? How sick would Iowa be if there were just wild gorillas rolling through the country?

If I get into a fight, I would be charged with murder because my hands are registered weapons

I got legal hands, I can't fight anybody. No seriously, like legally I'd get murder not manslaughter if I get into a fight with someone... because I was registered in a professional boxing match.

Alabama and Georgia use local banks to launder money to pay players

There's leaked audio of him [Rush Propst] basically snitching and saying exactly how much Georgia and Alabama are paying players. That Nick Saban's money guy is Bear Bryant Jr., who owns a bank in Alabama. And so whenever he needs money, he goes through Bear and that's how they like launder and like get the money to pay the players.

Kim Jong-un faked his coma to test the loyalty of his inner circle

Kim Jong-un is back from the coma... His sister has now disappeared. So I think that he did a little switch to make sure to see who's loyal to him.

Hank thought the word superlatives was super relatives

Hank thought the words superlatives was super relatives.

Clay Travis had the worst prediction of the year for saying COVID-19 deaths would not reach the thousands

Clay Travis... said I'd be surprised if we get into the thousands when talking about total coronavirus deaths in the U.S. however turns out he's actually right because there's 20 times more people that have been infected than not [sarcastic delivery].

Coach Sloan's pick-and-roll instruction: 'slap dicks'

As my Coach Sloan would say, get some fucking meat on the guy, would you? Slap dicks. That's what Coach Sloan used to say.

I benched 50 pounds and squatted 100 pounds when I was five years old

Is it true that you benched 50 pounds and squatted 100 pounds when you're five years old? Yeah. [My dad] played in the NFL, that's what we did. Just father-son time weightlifting.

I am a better kicker than the kickers at Alabama

Alabama could do a lot worse. Dude, I'm a better kicker than Alabama. Saban would have another chip if he had you as a kicker. That's a fact.

Scoring a high amount of points is a curse that prevents winning championships

Scoring points is bad, and you should actually be bad on offense... The 12 highest scoring teams in NFL history have zero championships. Zero. That's good enough for me. Zero championships. Scoring points is bad. You do not want to score points.

I went to the spiritual zone and was surrounded by angels after my motorcycle accident

I know what [heaven] feels like because I have been in the spiritual zone and the supernatural surrounded by angels... I was dead for two hours, correct? ... It was a beautiful experience of understanding something that I wouldn't have understood without having the accident.

I use Microsoft Excel for everything, including writing poems and drawing pictures

I do everything in Excel. Everything in Excel. I draw pictures in Excel. Excel is the first thing I learned, and I've stayed with it. I'm a disciple of Excel... You can format the cell and do three to four lines or six. They can overlap. It's a very versatile piece of software.

You're on a pro-gay podcast right now

You're on a pro-gay podcast right now.

I read Thailand and I thought China, or I said Chiland, and then I said Thailand

Heather, who would never kiss anyone in her life, kissed Colton on their one date in Thailand... I read Thailand and I thought China, or I said Chiland, and then I said Thailand.

I will keep making the pinky bet until I actually lose the tip of my pinky

I'm addicted to it, and next year I'm going to pick a team to cut my pinky off if they win the Super Bowl. ... I will not stop this bet until I cut off the tip of my pinky.

Science has not proven what causes CTE or what CTE causes

It probably sparked the book more than anything is when i kept hearing this from the experts... is a pattern we don't know what causes it and we don't know what it causes we have cases where people have played football people who've played sports and people have not played sports and not had concussions and not had history of head trauma.

Donald Trump is officially on the stance of Joe Flacco being elite — he won a Super Bowl, so he'd say he's pretty elite

Donald Trump has also weighed in on the Joe Flacco elite debate. Somebody asked him that back in 2016, and his answer was he won a Super Bowl, so I'd say he's pretty elite. So yes, Joe Flacco — [Trump] is now officially on the stance of Joe Flacco being elite.

I went from a 110-golfer to shooting an 80 in just four weeks to win a $550K bet

I had a year to shoot 80. Well, I got a month to go, and I still can't break 105... with a week to spare, yours truly shot the 80 and sent it to the ATM... In four weeks, I did that.

Vladimir Putin hands out unlimited credit cards to high-end Russian hockey players

I've just heard some rumblings, and it's been confirmed by a few guys that, like, Putin basically hands out credit cards to all these high-end Russian hockey players like Malkin and Ovechkin. Where basically they could just go, like if you say they want to pop bottles one night, they just go, they just put it on the Russian credit card.

Patrick Mahomes would have been the target for the Saints at pick 11 in 2017

Mahomes certainly would have been a target at 11 [in the 2017 NFL Draft]... Mahomes certainly would have been a target at 11.

Drinking alcohol makes you smarter by killing your weakest brain cells first

when you drink enough, it actually kills brain cells. That's a fact... If you kill brain cells, it's targeting the smaller, weaker brain cells first. Like a buffalo herd, and if you get rid of the weak ones, then it makes your brain function more efficiently.

Tom Brady is right that drinking water prevents sunburns because fish never get sunburned

Tom Brady has actually – he's the scientist who has found the nourishing effects of water. Well, I'd like to point out that I've never seen a sunburned fish in my life, and they are just surrounded by water all the time.

Draymond Green did not actually kick LeBron James in the groin in the 2016 Finals

No, that didn't happen... I'm saying that LeBron James had no idea that he even hit the fabric when that happened, and not until he went to the locker room and he saw the videotape, and then he became LeBron Blames... The dick kick didn't happen.

Pee on your hands releases pheromones that make women find you irresistible

If you don't wash your hands, you're actually preserving the pheromones that women find irresistible. So a little pee on your hands... actually turns women into soup. Just melts that labia clean off.

Sammy Sosa put Chicago on the map when nobody knew where it was

Sammy Sosa did an interview today... Sammy also said when nobody knew who Chicago was, I put Chicago on the map. So the third largest city right after Michael Jordan was the greatest player of all time. Sammy Sosa made people know, hey, Chicago's here. It's in Illinois.

Nick Saban owns Mercedes dealerships in Alabama and Tennessee

[Saban] does own two Mercedes dealerships... one in Birmingham and... he owns one in Nashville. He's a part owner of them. I don't mean to say he's a total silent owner... it's public.

Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen might be getting a divorce

Like, maybe things aren't going so well in paradise? Maybe the big D word coming down the pike? Like, maybe he doesn't have such close ties with Brazil anymore?

Zack Hample is a 100% liar regarding how he obtained his Fort Bragg ticket

I decided to tell the truth and call out the liar and his friends and his family. ... [Zack Hample] is [a liar] absolutely, positively, 100%. And I've given him an opportunity to come clean, and like say, I'm sorry, you know, I made a mistake... He needs to say it because in about a couple of hours, he's going to be proven to be a 100% liar.

Maria Sharapova being caught for PEDs proves Serena Williams is using them too

My witch hunt is actually going to be, I think that this proves without a doubt that Serena Williams has been using PEDs. Because Sharapova is 2-19 against Serena Williams while Sharapova was taking PED.

Football is safer than riding a bike or cheerleading in terms of concussions

I would definitely let my son play football. I wouldn't let him ride a bike or you know the other things that cause more concussions than football does. I think where is football ranked? Eighth among sports and in per capita concussions? I just read that Georgia Bulldogs cheerleaders get more concussions.

Kevin Love is the best player of all time because he is 12-0 in the playoffs

People forget that Kevin Love is undefeated in the NBA playoffs... He's undefeated. 12-0. The Cavs literally never lost with Kevin Love. Kevin Love has literally never lost in the playoffs. He's maybe the best player of all time.

The Green Bay Packers drafted a serial killer and he's the biggest bust in NFL history

People forget that the Green Bay Packers drafted a serial killer. In 1974, they drafted a legit serial killer. His name is Randy Woodfield... Would you say he's like the biggest bust in NFL draft history?